Hey guys you're back, with the one and only.
I just now finished the movie Clash of the Titans. Not the old old one, the new one. You know, with the Australian accented guy who has a military buzzcut.
Stirring some memories? Good.
Here's what I thought.
The movie was AWESOME.
Okay, maybe not spectacular. But I really enjoyed it, and I'll give you a few reasons why.
Number one, the content. By this I mean its overall cleanliness. There was practically no sensuality (well, a teensy bit - but not that bad all things considered) and the language was not that prevalent. Of course, being a movie about ancient Greece, there's all the junk about the gods and blah blah blah but duh anyway.
Number two, the music. I loved the music. Really. If I had to pick between Lord of the Rings and Clash of the Titans...well, Clash of the Titans just outdoes Lotr in pure awesomeness. Not saying that Lotr has some cool music, but this movie just amazed me at how great the music was. I definitely want that soundtrack.
Number three, the action and characters. The action is satisfying, if perhaps a bit disorienting at times. But it was still very well done. The characters were interesting as well, though I just had to poke fun at the movie for its way of getting rid of side characters. "Oops, we've got a plot point coming up - better slaughter some useless extras" kind of thing. Still, I was invested in the people they did bring out, not just Perseus.
Overall, I very much enjoyed this movie. It was great. I fully recommend purchasing it (as I hope we'll do), and watching it is a must. I would go into more depth in this review, but for the sake of not spoiling the plot I won't.
Until next time this is yours truly, signing off.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
The Three Mehs Kit Ears (And Something Else)
So,
have any of you heard of a certain...actor named Logan Lerman?
Eh.
Heh.
Eheh.
Ehxcuse me while I take a bathroom break.
*flush
Right, I'm back. So, today we're going to go over two movies both starring the above mentioned eunuch. First: 'The Three Musketeers'. Second: 'The Lightning Thief'.
The Three Must Get Ears:
So, I'm assuming all of you have heard of this classic. If not, go and finish third grade, then come back. This movie was basically a remake of all the other remakes in order to remake the classic story. Go ahead, read it again. I'll wait.
Oh and by the way, have you ever heard of the game Telephone? You sit in a circle with a bunch of other people and whisper a message into the person to your left's ear. He/she repeats what she heard in the next person's ear, and so on until it comes back 'round to you, and you get to see how terribly scrambled the message ended up.
THAT'S. THIS. MOVIE.
I don't know if you guys have seen the rather older version made in the (I believe) 1990's, but by far it kicks this one galaxies away. This movie was just so unbelievably cheesy I was nearly as constipated as the time I watched the Green Lantern.
So the main character is Dartagnan, or however you spell that name. (aaaahhhh) He's potrayed by Logan Lerman (aaaaaahhhhgain). No seriously, I have a hard time distinguishing this, er, human from their opposite sex (whichever that is). Of course, he's a hotshot with his blade and his mouth, getting into quite a lot of trouble and still managing to look like an overstuffed peacock (what I don't get is how the ladies fall for him).
The other characters - Athos, Porthos, and Aramis - are somewhat better, though still poorly cast. And the plot is so weird and different I didn't even recognize the original story.
Telephone, people. Telephone.
Oh, did I also mention Orlando Bloom is the main villian (or one of them)? He's also poorly cast. He's just not the villian type, as I'm sure anyone who's seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Lord of the Rings will agree. You girly elf.
Overall, the whole movie was just plain dumb. Overacting was all over the place. The plot was twisted and just not Three Musketeers at all - and the movie seemed like it was trying to make up for that with over-done action. If you want a real Musketeers story, watch the one I mentioned earlier. It was filmed in 1993, and stars Charlie Sheen, Chris O'Donnel, and Kiefer Sutherland as the Three Musketeers.
The Lightning Thief
Boy, did I hate this movie. I reeeeaaally hated it. I can't remember whether I hated it more than the previous mention, but whatever. They're both horrible.
So this movie, once again, stars Logan Lerman. This movie is based off of the first book in the 'Percy Jackson and the Olympians' series written by Rick Riordan. If you haven't read the series, read it. It's very entertaining.
As a big fan of Riordan, of course I was destined to hate this piece of corroded film. The plot is hurried and full of holes. They departed from the book in several major ways, a few being that Annabeth has brown hair and blue eyes instead of blonde hair and gray eyes. That really ticked me off. At least get the girl right! Another would be that Luke is not portrayed as he is in the book. Neither is the final 'epic' battle, which by the way was bad. In fact the whole movie was bad.
What is it with Logan Lerman? Why ruin so many potentially good movies with him? Or perhaps I'm being too hard on him, in which case...why ruin an actor on horrible movies? I'm convinced the only reason he has a career is because he looks 'pretty'. Please don't watch anything with him in it. It's a waste of time and money.
Excuse me while I take a bathroom break.
have any of you heard of a certain...actor named Logan Lerman?
Eh.
Heh.
Eheh.
Ehxcuse me while I take a bathroom break.
*flush
Right, I'm back. So, today we're going to go over two movies both starring the above mentioned eunuch. First: 'The Three Musketeers'. Second: 'The Lightning Thief'.
The Three Must Get Ears:
So, I'm assuming all of you have heard of this classic. If not, go and finish third grade, then come back. This movie was basically a remake of all the other remakes in order to remake the classic story. Go ahead, read it again. I'll wait.
Oh and by the way, have you ever heard of the game Telephone? You sit in a circle with a bunch of other people and whisper a message into the person to your left's ear. He/she repeats what she heard in the next person's ear, and so on until it comes back 'round to you, and you get to see how terribly scrambled the message ended up.
THAT'S. THIS. MOVIE.
I don't know if you guys have seen the rather older version made in the (I believe) 1990's, but by far it kicks this one galaxies away. This movie was just so unbelievably cheesy I was nearly as constipated as the time I watched the Green Lantern.
So the main character is Dartagnan, or however you spell that name. (aaaahhhh) He's potrayed by Logan Lerman (aaaaaahhhhgain). No seriously, I have a hard time distinguishing this, er, human from their opposite sex (whichever that is). Of course, he's a hotshot with his blade and his mouth, getting into quite a lot of trouble and still managing to look like an overstuffed peacock (what I don't get is how the ladies fall for him).
The other characters - Athos, Porthos, and Aramis - are somewhat better, though still poorly cast. And the plot is so weird and different I didn't even recognize the original story.
Telephone, people. Telephone.
Oh, did I also mention Orlando Bloom is the main villian (or one of them)? He's also poorly cast. He's just not the villian type, as I'm sure anyone who's seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Lord of the Rings will agree. You girly elf.
Overall, the whole movie was just plain dumb. Overacting was all over the place. The plot was twisted and just not Three Musketeers at all - and the movie seemed like it was trying to make up for that with over-done action. If you want a real Musketeers story, watch the one I mentioned earlier. It was filmed in 1993, and stars Charlie Sheen, Chris O'Donnel, and Kiefer Sutherland as the Three Musketeers.
The Lightning Thief
Boy, did I hate this movie. I reeeeaaally hated it. I can't remember whether I hated it more than the previous mention, but whatever. They're both horrible.
So this movie, once again, stars Logan Lerman. This movie is based off of the first book in the 'Percy Jackson and the Olympians' series written by Rick Riordan. If you haven't read the series, read it. It's very entertaining.
As a big fan of Riordan, of course I was destined to hate this piece of corroded film. The plot is hurried and full of holes. They departed from the book in several major ways, a few being that Annabeth has brown hair and blue eyes instead of blonde hair and gray eyes. That really ticked me off. At least get the girl right! Another would be that Luke is not portrayed as he is in the book. Neither is the final 'epic' battle, which by the way was bad. In fact the whole movie was bad.
What is it with Logan Lerman? Why ruin so many potentially good movies with him? Or perhaps I'm being too hard on him, in which case...why ruin an actor on horrible movies? I'm convinced the only reason he has a career is because he looks 'pretty'. Please don't watch anything with him in it. It's a waste of time and money.
Excuse me while I take a bathroom break.
The Lorax and First Knight - Review
Hey guys you're back, with the one and only.
Just recently I watched two movies back-to-back that had nothing to do with each other. The Lorax, a Dr. Seuss movie about goin' green, and First Knight, a tale of Arthur of Camelot and Lancelot, with poor Queen Guinevere caught in between.
SPOILERS ALERT
The Lorax:
Well, if you've read the book, not much can spoil the movie. Though, it is a bit different. The main part of the whole movie is actually a tale being told by the Once-ler (the man who chopped down all the trees) to a young boy who is the protagonist.
His name escapes me at the moment. I think it's Ted.
Anyway, said boy wants to get a real tree to give to his girlfriend, who just happens to want a real tree and just happens to say that if some guy did get one for her she'd marry him on the spot.
Eheh, eheh.
Did I mention this girl's voice actor is Taylor Swift? Figures.
So...yeah. The Once-ler just happens to have the last tree seed with him (which he didn't plant...for no reason) and gives it to, er, Ted. Who manages to convince the whole village that going green is necessary.
And he gets a kiss from Taylo-I mean, Audrey. His girlfriend.
(That relationship won't last long.)
And that was that. What did I think?
I thought it was pretty good. It was very funny yet heartfelt and emphatic. The dialogue was witty and entertaining, albeit obviously scripted. (There were several famous actors in it as well) But overall it got its point across very well.
Well, pretty much all of it did. There was one very emotional scene where the Lorax is sending the animals away because the landscape is now desolate, and he himself is departing into the last ray of sunlight...
...which he does by grabbing the folds of his...butt, and flying away.
Ha, ha. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both.
First Knight:
Well I have to admit I didn't like this one as much as the Lorax.
Actually, let me change that. I liked it in a different way. Allow me to explain.
The Lorax was a funny, heartfelt movie that appealed to all ages, kids to seniors. This particular movie was more engineered for adults, thus there were 'thematic events' that were meant for older eyes.
I'll elaborate. The movie is basically about Lancelot, who is a sellsword, riding around doin' nothing. The main villian is of course the eeevil Prince Malagant, who likes to burn things up in the name of the law.
Guinevere, the sole heir to a large portion of land, decides to marry Arthur to protect her people. Oh, and 'for wuv'. But on her way to Camelot, she's ambushed by Malagant. Fortunately, it just so happens that Lancelot is there and rescues her. And this is where all the romance junk begins.
Basically the rest of the movie is about the love triangle of Arthur, Guinever, and Lancelot. In the end of the movie Arthur is in fact killed by Malagant who in turn is killed by Lancelot. Arthur in his dying moments hands Lancelot his kingdom and so Lancelot gets the crown and the girl.
What did I think. I thought...em...I thought it was actually pretty good. I mean, if you like romance it was very tense in that regard. And Lancelot is of course awesome throughout the whole movie. And Arthur (portrayed by the dramatic Sean Connery) is a very strong, passionate character. I admit, I nearly cried when his funeral scene came around. It was that heartfelt.
The plot was laid out quite nicely, and the dialogue and characters very intriguing.
So when it comes down to it, both movies were very well done. I fully recommend watching them. If you want to actually buy them, go ahead - I actually would rather buy the Lorax and rent First Knight. But it's your choice.
Yours truly, signing off.
Just recently I watched two movies back-to-back that had nothing to do with each other. The Lorax, a Dr. Seuss movie about goin' green, and First Knight, a tale of Arthur of Camelot and Lancelot, with poor Queen Guinevere caught in between.
SPOILERS ALERT
The Lorax:
Well, if you've read the book, not much can spoil the movie. Though, it is a bit different. The main part of the whole movie is actually a tale being told by the Once-ler (the man who chopped down all the trees) to a young boy who is the protagonist.
His name escapes me at the moment. I think it's Ted.
Anyway, said boy wants to get a real tree to give to his girlfriend, who just happens to want a real tree and just happens to say that if some guy did get one for her she'd marry him on the spot.
Eheh, eheh.
Did I mention this girl's voice actor is Taylor Swift? Figures.
So...yeah. The Once-ler just happens to have the last tree seed with him (which he didn't plant...for no reason) and gives it to, er, Ted. Who manages to convince the whole village that going green is necessary.
And he gets a kiss from Taylo-I mean, Audrey. His girlfriend.
(That relationship won't last long.)
And that was that. What did I think?
I thought it was pretty good. It was very funny yet heartfelt and emphatic. The dialogue was witty and entertaining, albeit obviously scripted. (There were several famous actors in it as well) But overall it got its point across very well.
Well, pretty much all of it did. There was one very emotional scene where the Lorax is sending the animals away because the landscape is now desolate, and he himself is departing into the last ray of sunlight...
...which he does by grabbing the folds of his...butt, and flying away.
Ha, ha. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both.
First Knight:
Well I have to admit I didn't like this one as much as the Lorax.
Actually, let me change that. I liked it in a different way. Allow me to explain.
The Lorax was a funny, heartfelt movie that appealed to all ages, kids to seniors. This particular movie was more engineered for adults, thus there were 'thematic events' that were meant for older eyes.
I'll elaborate. The movie is basically about Lancelot, who is a sellsword, riding around doin' nothing. The main villian is of course the eeevil Prince Malagant, who likes to burn things up in the name of the law.
Guinevere, the sole heir to a large portion of land, decides to marry Arthur to protect her people. Oh, and 'for wuv'. But on her way to Camelot, she's ambushed by Malagant. Fortunately, it just so happens that Lancelot is there and rescues her. And this is where all the romance junk begins.
Basically the rest of the movie is about the love triangle of Arthur, Guinever, and Lancelot. In the end of the movie Arthur is in fact killed by Malagant who in turn is killed by Lancelot. Arthur in his dying moments hands Lancelot his kingdom and so Lancelot gets the crown and the girl.
What did I think. I thought...em...I thought it was actually pretty good. I mean, if you like romance it was very tense in that regard. And Lancelot is of course awesome throughout the whole movie. And Arthur (portrayed by the dramatic Sean Connery) is a very strong, passionate character. I admit, I nearly cried when his funeral scene came around. It was that heartfelt.
The plot was laid out quite nicely, and the dialogue and characters very intriguing.
So when it comes down to it, both movies were very well done. I fully recommend watching them. If you want to actually buy them, go ahead - I actually would rather buy the Lorax and rent First Knight. But it's your choice.
Yours truly, signing off.
Monday, July 15, 2013
The Green Lantern - Rant
So many of you have probably heard of this movie a long time ago and are just now remembering it.
Why?
It's much like the Wizard of Oz. Played up a lot and a load of...
Yeah. Well.
I looked at the cover of this movie and thought "GAAAAAAY". I'm not quite sure why; maybe it was the picture of a guy in a skintight green suit with his arms held out to the side.
Oh wait, that's the hero?
Bother.
SPOILERS ALERT
So we start out with a narrator, who spouts all the exposition we need to know about the Green Lanterns and the gay society and le random villian who just happens to the the cheesiest one I can call to mind - Fear itself. DAAHah! I'm already wetting my pants.
Switch to Amon Sul, the only Green Lantern (of 3600 others in the galaxy) powerful enough to contain this entity (known as 'Paralax'). And...within the first five minutes, he gets his rear kicked by said entity who breaks out of prison and comes after him. Hmmm. Where did that 'powerful enough to defeat fear itself' stuff go?
Mortally wounded, he heads for the nearest sector. Which is, *cue dramatic music EARTH!!! Wow, I never could have guessed!
And there we find our main protagonist, a fighter pilot named Hal Jordan. Apparently he's somewhat of a hotshot (did I mention he actually wraps a present while driving? And he gets away with it? Either he's awesome or stupid, and by the end of this post you'll - like me - be opting for the latter). He blows a mock dogfight and as a result is suspended. On the way home he's grabbed by a glowing...green...ball of light? Huh? And then he's transported to the location where Amon Sul crashes...which, coincidentally, is just outside New York City.
Cue the Monsters Vs. Aliens, please. "Once again a UFO has landed in America...the only country UFOs ever seem to land in."
Apparently Amon Sul's ring has 'chosen' Hal to be his successor, who inherits his ring and lantern. Following that is a bunch of confusing stuff where he tries to figure out the ring and nothing of consequence happens beyond establishing the fact that the Green Lanterns are basically wimps. Hal goes through a bunch of dumb circumstances and in the process finds out that oh no, Paralax is headed towards Earth and then to the Green Lantern's home of Oa.
Hold on a second while I contain my laughter.
Pffffff....'OA'? SERIOUSLY? Imagine the naming of this planet, if you will. "Hey guys, we need a name for the center of the universe." "Oh, uh..." "That's it!! Oh uh! Brilliant! We'll just make it two letters so it'll look spacey and viola!"
Oh yeah, this planet is also the source of 'willpower' which is where the Green Lanterns get all their energy from.
That's so cheesy I got constipated just hearing it.
So in order to defeat Paralax the head of the Green Lanterns decides to fight fear with fear. So he mandates the creation of a 'fear ring'. Oooh, development! Finally!
But Hal manages to convince him not to use it so he can fight Paralax...so that whole plot point goes to wherever useless plot points go.
And basically what happens is that Hal gets his butt kicked for a couple minutes then kicks Paralax's butt in thirty seconds and then everything gets wrapped up. The Green Lanterns do a stupid type of 'Oo-rah', Hal gets the girl, and everything ends happily ever after.
Pffffcchhhhheeeelolhahahaa.....coupla things. Number one, when Amon Sul crashes on earth and dies, the government discovers him and is like 'whoa, aliens exist??'
WHAT? Look, people. This is an alien movie about an alien organization and Earth doesn't even know aliens exist? You can't just factor that into the movie! In fact, it could have easily been left out! It has almost no impact on the story whatsoever.
I've also mentioned that this movie is cheesy. I mean REALLY cheesy. Insert extremely cheesy joke about cheesiness here. I guess you'd have to watch it to comprehend just how cheesy its cheesiness can get.
On that note though...don't watch. It.
It's a waste of time. I borrowed it from the library so it wasn't so much a waste of money, but still. Don't bother. Like a friend of mine said about a certain book series, this movie is a 'load of poo with bacon bits on the top'. There's a couple funny moments and I admit the animation is pretty cool at times, but overall it's a pile of poo. With bacon bits on the top.
Excuse me while I go and attempt to unplug my intestines.
Why?
It's much like the Wizard of Oz. Played up a lot and a load of...
Yeah. Well.
I looked at the cover of this movie and thought "GAAAAAAY". I'm not quite sure why; maybe it was the picture of a guy in a skintight green suit with his arms held out to the side.
Oh wait, that's the hero?
Bother.
SPOILERS ALERT
So we start out with a narrator, who spouts all the exposition we need to know about the Green Lanterns and the gay society and le random villian who just happens to the the cheesiest one I can call to mind - Fear itself. DAAHah! I'm already wetting my pants.
Switch to Amon Sul, the only Green Lantern (of 3600 others in the galaxy) powerful enough to contain this entity (known as 'Paralax'). And...within the first five minutes, he gets his rear kicked by said entity who breaks out of prison and comes after him. Hmmm. Where did that 'powerful enough to defeat fear itself' stuff go?
Mortally wounded, he heads for the nearest sector. Which is, *cue dramatic music EARTH!!! Wow, I never could have guessed!
And there we find our main protagonist, a fighter pilot named Hal Jordan. Apparently he's somewhat of a hotshot (did I mention he actually wraps a present while driving? And he gets away with it? Either he's awesome or stupid, and by the end of this post you'll - like me - be opting for the latter). He blows a mock dogfight and as a result is suspended. On the way home he's grabbed by a glowing...green...ball of light? Huh? And then he's transported to the location where Amon Sul crashes...which, coincidentally, is just outside New York City.
Cue the Monsters Vs. Aliens, please. "Once again a UFO has landed in America...the only country UFOs ever seem to land in."
Apparently Amon Sul's ring has 'chosen' Hal to be his successor, who inherits his ring and lantern. Following that is a bunch of confusing stuff where he tries to figure out the ring and nothing of consequence happens beyond establishing the fact that the Green Lanterns are basically wimps. Hal goes through a bunch of dumb circumstances and in the process finds out that oh no, Paralax is headed towards Earth and then to the Green Lantern's home of Oa.
Hold on a second while I contain my laughter.
Pffffff....'OA'? SERIOUSLY? Imagine the naming of this planet, if you will. "Hey guys, we need a name for the center of the universe." "Oh, uh..." "That's it!! Oh uh! Brilliant! We'll just make it two letters so it'll look spacey and viola!"
Oh yeah, this planet is also the source of 'willpower' which is where the Green Lanterns get all their energy from.
That's so cheesy I got constipated just hearing it.
So in order to defeat Paralax the head of the Green Lanterns decides to fight fear with fear. So he mandates the creation of a 'fear ring'. Oooh, development! Finally!
But Hal manages to convince him not to use it so he can fight Paralax...so that whole plot point goes to wherever useless plot points go.
And basically what happens is that Hal gets his butt kicked for a couple minutes then kicks Paralax's butt in thirty seconds and then everything gets wrapped up. The Green Lanterns do a stupid type of 'Oo-rah', Hal gets the girl, and everything ends happily ever after.
Pffffcchhhhheeeelolhahahaa.....coupla things. Number one, when Amon Sul crashes on earth and dies, the government discovers him and is like 'whoa, aliens exist??'
WHAT? Look, people. This is an alien movie about an alien organization and Earth doesn't even know aliens exist? You can't just factor that into the movie! In fact, it could have easily been left out! It has almost no impact on the story whatsoever.
I've also mentioned that this movie is cheesy. I mean REALLY cheesy. Insert extremely cheesy joke about cheesiness here. I guess you'd have to watch it to comprehend just how cheesy its cheesiness can get.
On that note though...don't watch. It.
It's a waste of time. I borrowed it from the library so it wasn't so much a waste of money, but still. Don't bother. Like a friend of mine said about a certain book series, this movie is a 'load of poo with bacon bits on the top'. There's a couple funny moments and I admit the animation is pretty cool at times, but overall it's a pile of poo. With bacon bits on the top.
Excuse me while I go and attempt to unplug my intestines.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Strategy vs. Shooter
All my life in America, I've had access to video games. Many, many types. I've had one of those old cartridge-system Nintendos. I have a Gamecube. I have a Wii. I've played on a PS, PS2, and Xbox 360. And I own a PC. As a result, the games I have encountered vary widely.
Most of my young life, I've played strategy games. By 'strategy', I mean game where you control your separate economy, build your army, and are like the commander-in-chief of everything. It's a very removed style of gaming, and it gives you a big overview.
I have, however, played my fair share of 'shooters' as well. By that term I'm talking about third or first-person video games where you are down there and in the thick of it, battling your way out. It's a get-your-hands-dirty and slugfest type of game. And it's fun.
Which, some people ask, is better?
That is a very difficult thing to answer. What do you mean by 'better'? Do you mean more productive, or more fun? Or just more awesome in general?
Each type of game has its ups and downs. Strategy teaches you resource management more so than shooters. It gives you a 'big picture' experience where you can manage what happens and learn more about why our leaders make the choices they do. It teaches you tactical skill and military tactics.
Of course, shooters do this too-to a degree. Not as much as strategy. Shooters' main strength lie in developing hand-eye coordination and reflexes. They teach you a lot about what the guys on the front lines experience - admittedly, there's nothing like the real thing, but it gives you a vague feel. It develops your reactions to different things and your sense of everything around you.
Personally? I can't decide.
Yeah...sorry. I just like both of them. When I'm tired of being a mini god in strategy, I turn to a kick-butt career in shooter. They're both great, and I love 'em both.
Most of my young life, I've played strategy games. By 'strategy', I mean game where you control your separate economy, build your army, and are like the commander-in-chief of everything. It's a very removed style of gaming, and it gives you a big overview.
I have, however, played my fair share of 'shooters' as well. By that term I'm talking about third or first-person video games where you are down there and in the thick of it, battling your way out. It's a get-your-hands-dirty and slugfest type of game. And it's fun.
Which, some people ask, is better?
That is a very difficult thing to answer. What do you mean by 'better'? Do you mean more productive, or more fun? Or just more awesome in general?
Each type of game has its ups and downs. Strategy teaches you resource management more so than shooters. It gives you a 'big picture' experience where you can manage what happens and learn more about why our leaders make the choices they do. It teaches you tactical skill and military tactics.
Of course, shooters do this too-to a degree. Not as much as strategy. Shooters' main strength lie in developing hand-eye coordination and reflexes. They teach you a lot about what the guys on the front lines experience - admittedly, there's nothing like the real thing, but it gives you a vague feel. It develops your reactions to different things and your sense of everything around you.
Personally? I can't decide.
Yeah...sorry. I just like both of them. When I'm tired of being a mini god in strategy, I turn to a kick-butt career in shooter. They're both great, and I love 'em both.
Monday, July 8, 2013
The Princess Bride
Many of you, I'm sure, have seen the classic "Princess Bride". I'm not going to outline it for you so if you haven't seen it, go see it.
It's a comedy. I think. Right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
The little kid's the most annoying character next to Humperdink. Dahhh. I wish they'd both just die.
My favorite part has to be when the grandpa says to the kid 'Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.'
Of course, the whole movie's over-the-top and full of cliches. The plot is randomly revealed through pointless exposition scenes. You come up against a character and tadaa, they give you a plot point. With no obligation to do so. Still, it's a hoot.
You know when Buttercup is captured? I counted almost a dozen times she could have escaped. Instead, she's all like 'ooh, aah, helpless little me'.
Not to mention the several times Wesley could have been murdered by Viccini's counterparts. Instead, they're all 'fair play' and whatnot. Pish. Just kill him already! There is no glory in defeat, nor honor in death.
Oh yeah, and there's one scene where Prince Humperdink jumps onto his saddle from a high ledge. As he hit the leather I winced. Just...wow. The guy didn't even cringe. His family jewels must be made of steel, or something.
And Buttercup's 'twoo wuv' act in the second part is just...wushmush. You may be able to call other people names now, sweetheart, but I'm not foohooWAHT! Did you just call me a slimy newt? Oh well. Too bad.
My favorite character by far has to be Miracle Max. "True love, is the greatest thing in the woyld. Except for a nice MLT; Mutton Lettuce and Tomato where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are fresh and ripe...mmm it's so perky, I love it."
There's also a reference that totally doesn't belong in that type of movie. When they're in the fire swamp, Wesley says, "It's not that bad." Buttercup gives him a strange look, then he says "Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely."
Twentieth century.......FTW! Whatever.
Despite the plot (and acting) being quite cheesy, this movie is a true classic. If you haven't seen it, you've missed out on life. SEE IT.
It's a comedy. I think. Right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
The little kid's the most annoying character next to Humperdink. Dahhh. I wish they'd both just die.
My favorite part has to be when the grandpa says to the kid 'Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.'
Of course, the whole movie's over-the-top and full of cliches. The plot is randomly revealed through pointless exposition scenes. You come up against a character and tadaa, they give you a plot point. With no obligation to do so. Still, it's a hoot.
You know when Buttercup is captured? I counted almost a dozen times she could have escaped. Instead, she's all like 'ooh, aah, helpless little me'.
Not to mention the several times Wesley could have been murdered by Viccini's counterparts. Instead, they're all 'fair play' and whatnot. Pish. Just kill him already! There is no glory in defeat, nor honor in death.
Oh yeah, and there's one scene where Prince Humperdink jumps onto his saddle from a high ledge. As he hit the leather I winced. Just...wow. The guy didn't even cringe. His family jewels must be made of steel, or something.
And Buttercup's 'twoo wuv' act in the second part is just...wushmush. You may be able to call other people names now, sweetheart, but I'm not foohooWAHT! Did you just call me a slimy newt? Oh well. Too bad.
My favorite character by far has to be Miracle Max. "True love, is the greatest thing in the woyld. Except for a nice MLT; Mutton Lettuce and Tomato where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are fresh and ripe...mmm it's so perky, I love it."
There's also a reference that totally doesn't belong in that type of movie. When they're in the fire swamp, Wesley says, "It's not that bad." Buttercup gives him a strange look, then he says "Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely."
Twentieth century.......FTW! Whatever.
Despite the plot (and acting) being quite cheesy, this movie is a true classic. If you haven't seen it, you've missed out on life. SEE IT.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Worst Female Celebrity Ever
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
SOMEONE HELP MEEEE! I DON'T WANT TO WRITE THIS!!!
But you must, precious!
Shut up, Reaper.
You will. Or else.
FINE!!
Nicki...*HACK HACK* Minaj. There, I said it.
She's known as a famous singer. I say 'known' because she can't sing.
Yes, I made the mistake of listening to one of her music videos a long time ago.
I'm now convinced she's one of the devil's many wives. And it's not a mistake I'll make again.
PLEASE. Don't ever listen to her "music". It's a waste of your life.
I suppose I should give some reasons. First off.
LYRICS, bleep. USE THEM.
She has no lyrics. She has words that ryme. "Starships fly, touch the sky," is about as complicated as she gets. Throw in a bunch of swearwords with that dump, stir and serve. Feeds about twenty million mindless zombies.
MUSIC. YOU HAVE NONE.
I'm dead certain she uses autotune, and even if she doesn't, she sounds awful anyway. How can you mess up Autotune? Well alongside Rebecca Black, she managed. It's just plain awful.
Why do so many of our celebrities have to be so messed up?
Whoops, forgive my slip of the tongue. They're America's celebrities, not ours.
Or, they're American in nationality. That's what I mean. Yeah.
GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY.
I'm sure you might be wondering why I'm writing this now...well, I was sorting through some pictures lately and found one about Nick...eh, that woman. Alien. Whatever.
In the picture, she's tweeting something like "Brazil, here I come!!" and Brazil is replying "Eh...no thanks [she-who-must-not-be-named], stay wherever it is you are."
BRAVO, Brazil. Bravo.
SOMEONE HELP MEEEE! I DON'T WANT TO WRITE THIS!!!
But you must, precious!
Shut up, Reaper.
You will. Or else.
FINE!!
Nicki...*HACK HACK* Minaj. There, I said it.
She's known as a famous singer. I say 'known' because she can't sing.
Yes, I made the mistake of listening to one of her music videos a long time ago.
I'm now convinced she's one of the devil's many wives. And it's not a mistake I'll make again.
PLEASE. Don't ever listen to her "music". It's a waste of your life.
I suppose I should give some reasons. First off.
LYRICS, bleep. USE THEM.
She has no lyrics. She has words that ryme. "Starships fly, touch the sky," is about as complicated as she gets. Throw in a bunch of swearwords with that dump, stir and serve. Feeds about twenty million mindless zombies.
MUSIC. YOU HAVE NONE.
I'm dead certain she uses autotune, and even if she doesn't, she sounds awful anyway. How can you mess up Autotune? Well alongside Rebecca Black, she managed. It's just plain awful.
Why do so many of our celebrities have to be so messed up?
Whoops, forgive my slip of the tongue. They're America's celebrities, not ours.
Or, they're American in nationality. That's what I mean. Yeah.
GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY.
I'm sure you might be wondering why I'm writing this now...well, I was sorting through some pictures lately and found one about Nick...eh, that woman. Alien. Whatever.
In the picture, she's tweeting something like "Brazil, here I come!!" and Brazil is replying "Eh...no thanks [she-who-must-not-be-named], stay wherever it is you are."
BRAVO, Brazil. Bravo.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Man of Steel
Hey people,
I just recently watched the new Superman Movie, Man of Steel. I admit, I'd heard so much about it on the Internet and from others, I was pretty excited to see it. It got a lot of hype.
I'm not going to talk about the plot that much, if at all. I don't want to spoil it for you who haven't seen it.
It was awesome. Superman, for me, was always kind of a cheesy hero. But this movie did away with that. Finally, he learned to wear his underwear on the inside of his pants!
But I have to say, the movie wasn't cheesy at all. The alien culture that was Superman's origin was unique and realistic. The characters were well-developed and interesting. And the plot was cool. I fully recommend you watch it, and buy it when it comes out.
Wow. For such a long and awesome movie, that's kind of a short review.
Mah ii.
I just recently watched the new Superman Movie, Man of Steel. I admit, I'd heard so much about it on the Internet and from others, I was pretty excited to see it. It got a lot of hype.
I'm not going to talk about the plot that much, if at all. I don't want to spoil it for you who haven't seen it.
It was awesome. Superman, for me, was always kind of a cheesy hero. But this movie did away with that. Finally, he learned to wear his underwear on the inside of his pants!
But I have to say, the movie wasn't cheesy at all. The alien culture that was Superman's origin was unique and realistic. The characters were well-developed and interesting. And the plot was cool. I fully recommend you watch it, and buy it when it comes out.
Wow. For such a long and awesome movie, that's kind of a short review.
Mah ii.
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