Reaper's Safety Session: People

Hello one, hello all, and welcome to another of my HAHEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Today we're AHHAEHFEEAHFHSIRGHIDNSFVNSasckfdjine.cdsvc..as.vf..................

Today we're going to discuss that all-important issue that helps keep this world in overpopulation: safety.
Topic? HUMANS.

*shudder*

Help, I'm scared, I don't want to write this...the horror, the darkness, the walls are closing in, heeeeelp!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Here's *pant* a few *pant* tips for staying safe around these toxic beings.

1. Always wear a gas mask. Humans emit horrible scents, ranging from women's perfume to man's perfume, or BO. As you like it. Or don't! It's bad. Plus people tend to stay away from those who cover their face. Which is why we're suspicious of Muslims.

2. Bring a little bell with you wherever you go. As you walk around, constantly jangle it yelling "Unclean! Unclean!" Wear heavy, dark clothing.

3. Watch out for human children. These little insects zip around stores and public places, carrying even more toxins than the adults. Don't let their alleged cuteness fool you; they're all he-devils and she-devils in disguise. Bring a flamethrower just to be sure.

4. Keep on a lookout for people with sagging pants. Their idiocy is so contagious it has a name: swag. On a scale of one to stupid, they're off the charts.

5. Shy away from all pop culture, including fashion, music, art, etc. If you're not careful, you could become on of the thousands of people who voted for Obama.

6. Be a hermit. Safety in solitude, my great-grandaunt always said. She left about ten years ago, and we haven't heard from her since. She must be hid real good for a ninety-year-old.

7. Burn your lawn, malnourish your trees, and hang warning signs all over your yard and house. You'll blend in so well people won't even come near your place. Guaranteed.

8. Just in case they do, install machine-gun nests in your windows. A grenade launcher on the roof wouldn't go amiss, either. And shotgun ammo, you can never have enough shotgun ammo.

*pant*

This *pant* should help a little with keeping safe from these horrifying beings. Stay safe, my friends.

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! OFFGERROFFGERROFFF! MOVEMOVEMOVEMOVEMOVE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! *flame flame flammenwerfer!!! HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAA!

Reaper's Safety Session: Guns

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG BAAAAAANG!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I LOVE IT! Hey guys, come join me! There's like, fifty zombies over here! Their heads explode when you hit them - it's like House of the Dead, just...a HUNDRED TIMES MORE AWESOME!! HAHAHAHAAA!!

For reasons I care not about, you people can have guns here in 'Murica, land of the free and home of the politically brilliant, I'm sure.

So let's settle down and have a talk about that all-important issue that we need to keep this world in overpopulation: safety.
Topic?
GUNS.

*smash*, *smash*
Hey, uh, excuse me for a second. I think I hear some crazy extreme liberals trying to confiscate my guns. Too bad they didn't bring any.
*bang* *bang*

Here's a few tips to handling your Old Betsy:

1. Never ever ever point the gun at other people unless you plan on using it on them. What, you think they're designed to, I dunno, kill someone? Psh naaaaah.

2. Don't ever look down the barrel with your bare eye. First, load it. Click the safety off. Then put some glasses on, stare down that sucker, and pull the trigger like a man. Everything turns white for a millisecond, it's awesome.

3. Always carry the gun pointed down at the ground or up in the air. Birds don't mind, promise. And neither do your toes.

4. Keep the old girl clean and shiny. Rust and corrosion are a no-no. Unless you have an AK-47. Them things shoot anywhere, anyhow. Except under bad grammar.

5. Practice, practice, practice. You're not turning into Daniel Boone overnight. Especially since you shot your eye out, idiot. What, you think I would seriously condone hurting yourself? Sadist.

6. Remember to not violate open season for animals, except for the criminal. They're always under open season. Good luck hitting anything with that eye.


Aaand that's it, ladies and gentlemen. Excuse me, those liberals are somehow still alive.

*bang bang* HAHAHAHAHAAA YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE THIS HOUSE ALIVE, YOU FIRRIST FREAKS!AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

Pacific Rim - Review

Around its release, this movie got a lot of hype. I've been on the internet long enough to judge movies based on their hype, and from what I heard this movie wasn't so bad.

Turns out I was right, kinda. Sorta. Maybe.


SPOILERS ALERT

'Pacific Rim' is an alien/apocalypse movie. Yup, another one. Seem to be getting a lot of those lately, huh? Don't believe me? *Coughavengerscough*

I really don't want to summarize this movie myself, so cue Wikipedia:

In 2013, human cities come under attack by the Kaijus: colossal beasts who come through an interdimensional portal on the Pacific Ocean floor. To combat them, the Pacific Rim nations build the Jaegers: equally colossal humanoid war machines. Each Jaeger is piloted by two people whose brains are linked to share the overwhelming mental load of operating the machine. The Jaegers are initially effective, but many are destroyed as the Kaijus grow more powerful and their attacks more frequent. In 2025, the involved governments deem the Jaeger program unviable, and discontinue it in favor of building massive coastal walls to protect humanity from the Kaijus. The four remaining Jaegers are redeployed to Hong Kong to defend the coast until the wall's completion. Jaeger commander Stacker Pentecost (Elba) devises a plan to end the war by destroying the portal with a thermonuclear bomb.
Pentecost approaches retired pilot Raleigh Becket (Hunnam) and convinces him to return and pilot Gipsy Danger, the Jaeger he and his brother Yancy once piloted. During a mission off the coast of Alaska in 2020, Yancy was killed by a Kaiju while connected to his brother, traumatizing Raleigh. In Hong Kong, Raleigh is antagonized by Chuck Hansen (Kazinsky), co-pilot of the Jaeger Striker Eureka, who sees Raleigh as unreliable. Later, Raleigh tests with potential co-pilots to find one with whom he connects strongly, which ensures effective performance in battle. Sensing a strong connection, Raleigh demands to be partnered with Mako Mori (Kikuchi), the director of the Jaeger refurbishment project. Pentecost opposes, Mako being his adoptive daughter, but he eventually relents. During the duo's initial test run, Mako becomes engrossed in a childhood memory of the Kaiju attack which orphaned her, and nearly discharges Gipsy Danger's weapons in the hangar; Pentecost deems her unready for combat. Later, the other Jaegers are tasked with fending off a double Kaiju attack in Hong Kong. When the Kaijus destroy two Jaegers and disable Striker Eureka, Pentecost sends out Raleigh and Mako to take a last stand with Gipsy Danger.
Meanwhile, Newton Geiszler (Day)—a scientist studying the Kaijus—assembles a device that allows him to establish a mental link with a Kaiju brain fragment. He discovers that the Kaijus are not wild beasts but living weapons sharing a hive mind and fighting at the behest of a race of alien colonists. Under Pentecost's instruction, Geiszler seeks out Hannibal Chau (Perlman), a major figure in the trafficking of Kaiju parts, and attempts to procure an intact Kaiju brain to repeat the experiment. After Gipsy Danger kills both Kaijus, Chau's crew move in to harvest parts, but discover one Kaiju to be pregnant. The newborn bursts from its mother and swallows Chau before dying. Geiszler links with the newborn Kaiju's brain, and learns that the reason all previous attempts to infiltrate and destroy the portal have failed is that the portal only opens for Kaiju DNA.
The two remaining Jaegers commence the plan to destroy the portal; Pentecost and Chuck carry the bomb with Striker Eureka, escorted by Raleigh and Mako in Gipsy Danger. They find the portal guarded by three Kaijus. The ensuing battle renders Striker Eureka unable to deliver the bomb. Pentecost instructs Raleigh to use Gipsy Danger's nuclear reactor core as an improvised bomb; he and Chuck sacrifice themselves, detonating the original bomb in an effort to clear a path. Considering Geiszler's discovery, Raleigh and Mako seize the final Kaiju with Gipsy Danger and use it to enter the portal. Once inside, Raleigh ejects Mako's escape pod, initiates the core's overload sequence and ejects himself. Gipsy Danger's core detonates, laying waste to the alien colonists and destroying the portal. Mako and Raleigh's escape pods surface safely in the Pacific, and the duo embrace as rescue helicopters arrive.
In a post-credits scene, Chau cuts his way out of the newborn Kaiju's stomach.

END MAJOR SPOILERS

Yeah yeah, so I'm lazy. I would try summarizing it if my finger wasn't cut at the moment.
So, that was Pacific Rim. And I need to mention one huge, gaping plothole before I go.
SWORD.
There's this one scene where they're fighting some Kaiju and run out of plasma ammunition. Raleigh's like "We're doomed" but Mako's like "Na-ah, we got a sword" and they pull that sucker out and slice the Kaiju to bits, easily.

Well first of all, DEUS EX MACHINAAAAAA. Second, WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN USING THIS WEAPON THE WHOLE TIME. IT WOULD BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER IF YOU HAD. Even HISHE (How It Should Have Ended) poked fun at this hole.
Why, movie? Why you do this? You've been having grand slugfests with the aliens all this time, but oh no, turns out their weakness was sharp pointy things! Who knew? Daaah.

Other than that, I'd say it was good. Not spectacular. But good. The visuals were impressive and the idea was cool, but that was balanced out by a profuse amount of swearing and a rather clichéd feel to the entire thing. If you'd like to see it, bully for you.

Stupid sword why the for the love of Mary did they not  use it earlier dim-witted idiots it would have made everything so...

Reaper's Safety Session: Media

Greetings!

Today, we'll be talking about safety, that all-important standard that we need to keep this world in overpopulation.

Subject? *big creepy voice* MEDIA.

Millions - no, billions of people every day are sucked into the mindless black hole that is modern media. Laptops, computers, smartphones, TV, radio, you name it. These mediums suck the poor souls of the masses away slowly, feeding off of them every day and just getting bigger, sleeker, and better at degenerating the mob.

Here's a few tips for dealing with these slippery systems:

1. Got a smart-phone? No problem! Give it to a homeless man and get yourself a dumb-phone. If your great-grandfather could make it as far as Kroger with one, so can you.

2. Problems with staring at Facebook/Twitter for hours, scrolling down the walls of uninteresting text? No problem! Delete your Facebook/Twitter account and go to Myspace, no one will bother you there!

3. Watch TV too much? Get a plan that only feeds you CNN, you'll get bored in three minutes flat.

4. Internet too addicting? Come live with me, our internet sucks!

5. Too many video games? Get rid of all of them, buy Duty Calls and force yourself to play it one hour a day for a year. Then write a three-page essay on 'Why video games suck', in full MLA format. And cite your sources, you lazy layabout.

6. Addicted to the radio? You've got problems. Nobody's addicted to the radio.

Go forth! Fly! Be free! Poor, flightless bird! Hasta la vista, birdie!!

Yes, FINALLY.

Well, I'm 16 as of 7:20 a.m. today.

Hmm.

Feels normal.

I was talking to a close friend at church, and he asked "So what's it like being 16?"
Aw, you know how it is. I was expecting to be awakened by a bolt of lightning and find myself walking out the front door in a tux, buff and with keys to a Porsche dangling from my fingers. But instead I woke to messy hair, bleary vision, and yawns galore. (Why did I yawn when I typed 'yawns' Awhmm...there it is again. Shut it, mouth)

Yes, I'm finally 16. At least people will stop staring at me with their mouths hanging open, saying with disbelief "You're fifteen?" I mean, sixteen's a little more believable, right?
Right?

Hello?

The biggest age mistake I've ever had happen to me was in Romania by one of my cousins. Sergiu told her I was fifteen and she stared at me for three full seconds, then was like "What?? I thought you were twenty-one or something!"
Aw, thanks. I wish. But nope, I'm stuck with a bunch of older people in school who can all drive and have jobs, while poor little me has to keep squeaking "Yeah! I got my permit, awww-hah!"
BUT NO MORE.

TODAY I BECOME A MAN.

Ahhhh! Someone save me! There's a dark, gloomy, scary thingy chasing after me with 'Responsibility' labeled across its chest! Heeeeeeeeelp!
Is it gone?

Okay, relax. I don't plan on being a complete failure. Promise. On my honor - wait, don't have that. On my holiness - oh, don't have that either.
What do I still have?
Ah got it! On my virginity I pledge to get a job, a degree, and be successful in life.

Stop laughing. Childhood's different than virginity.

Signing off, ladies and gents. I need to go get my license.

Hop: Review

'Hop'.

Well, at least the cover and title match, I thought as I looked over the picture of a cute fluffy bunny surrounded by chickens. "Developed by the creators of 'Despicable Me'?" Huh. Flip. Colorful and full of laughs. Riiiight. I guess I'll give it a view. Probably'll bore me to pieces.

Boy was I kind of right and wrong at the same time.


SPOILERS ALERT

'Hop' is a movie about the Easter Bunny. Simple, right? Obviously a kids movie, you say. And you'd be right.

We start out with E.B., our main bunny who likes to play drums. His dad is one of a long line of Easter bunnies, charged with distributing easter baskets to kids on Easter eve. Kind of like Santa Claus, except less awesome, and with chicks instead of reindeer.
Chicks.
You heard right.

E.B. is destined to take over the business and become the next Easter Bunny, but all he wants to do is play drums. So after a short argument with his dad, he runs away to Hollywood to pursue his dreams.
Here we meet Fred, a lazy, layabout kid who has no job and lives with his parents. His mom, dad, and two sisters desperately want him to get a job and move out, so they kick him out. His sister gives him a temporary house-sitting job for a rich man who owns a huge mansion. E.B. just happens run into him...literally, and thus begins their relationship.

I won't spoil it all for you, because I believe you should actually watch it. But throughout the movie their unique relationship leads to a lot of awkward and funny moments, some of which I'll talk about later on.

So, how was it overall?
To be honest, I thought it was kind of average while I was viewing it. The jokes were okay, I was definitely smiling at most of them; but not really laughing. The plot was a kiddie plot, so of course it wasn't enthralling. The characters were okay.
BUT.
After I finished, I thought back over it, and I decided...this movie actually did several things very, very right.
First of all: the plot. It's stupid and kiddish, of course. There are so many clichéd moments I could barely count them. But in fact, this is where the movie does things so well. You know, you just know it when a cliché's coming up, savvy? You're like, "I know what's coming next. It's been done countless times before. Come on, movie, get it over with." But this movie would sometimes insert a little thing just before the cliché came up, and you'd be like 'wait, is this really going to be it?' It's like the movie is saying "Here it comes, boy, here it comes, here it comes WAIT....is it coming? Really? Really? REALLY? Yeah, it's here, you idiot." And that's a refreshing take on things, to be honest.

Second of all, the tone. This movie had millions of chances to take itself seriously, but it never really does. Sure there are a few heartfelt moments, but most of the movie is mock reality. The fact that we're talking about British-accented Easter Bunnies who poop jelly beans helps, I suppose.

Lastly, the characters. They're shallow, yes, but this is a kiddie movie. Considering that, they're actually well done. E.B. is very likeable and upbeat, and Fred is your typical bumbling yet handsome idiot. Perfect for partnership, right?

Final verdict: Borrow or rent. You can buy it, I guess...I can see myself watching it after seeing something like the Hunger Games, I suppose, as an antidepressant. But besides that, this movie deserves at least one watch. Check it out.

And for free, here's a scene from the movie. E.B. and Fred are in the car, and E.B. is suggesting jobs off of the local newspaper.
"Chaffuer?"
"No."
"Hairdryer?"
"Nope."
"Mailman?"
"Just tried that."
"Oooh, here's a good one. 'The wind in your face and a hot babe on your arm'. Sounds like the job for you, right?"
"That's a car ad."
"Oh. Well, then you need that car."

That's the gist of it, at least. See you later, ladies and gentlewomen.

Reaper's Safety Session: Knives

Greetings, you.

I am Reaper. I'm the other guy who lives in the head of that other guy who does all the other blog posts.
Psst: he's an idiot.
Today, we'll be talking about safety, that all-important standard that we need to keep this world in overpopulation.

Subject? Knives.
Pointy, itchy, sharpie, you name it. We've got a lot of that stuff. And here's a few safety tips for handling them.

1. These are tools, not toys. Mock combat is allowed, but not juggling. Juggling's definitely off limits.

2. Never use a knife in the vicinity of another person, including yourself.

3. When whittling or cutting anything, don't do so towards your body. You could accidentally slip and cut something that leaks a lot of blood, and cleaning up carpets costs a lot these days. Don't worry about yourself, Obamacare's to the rescue.

4. Going up against a gun with a knife is perfectly fair, if you can throw it. If not, just raise it dramatically and shout "Expelliarimus!"

5. The best kind of knives are the Daedric kind. They're a company that handles in unearthly products. You can look them up here.

And that's all we've got for tonight, folks! Play the boom boxes and guitars, Sayonara!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!

(Eh, Michael here. Just to let you know that I apologize for that incident, and I won't let him out again, that little sneaky...anyway, on a more realistic note, these type of posts will be a series, so look for them. I may even post one every day.)

Divergent

Hey ladies and gents you're back; with yours truly.


Divergent is what many people consider to be Hunger Games' sister series. It has many of the same elements, albeit different writers. But you wouldn't be here to read on the intricate comparisons between the two, you're here for my opinion, so sit down, savvy?

SPOILERS ALERT

Yes yes yada yada.

So, Divergent takes place in a 'utopia' community. It doesn't seem clear as to exactly what its environment is...is it one big city? A city and some land? I'm not sure.

Our main protagonist, Beatrice, is part of one of five factions that make up this society, those being Abnegation (whose members are selfless), Amity (wuv), Candor (truth), Dauntless (courage), and Erudite (knowledge).

Beatrice is in the faction known as Abnegation. She lives a spartan lifestyle until she turns sixteen; the age when every child is forced to choose between the factions. Will they stay with their family in the faction they grew up in, or leave to join another?
Every candidate is put through a simulation that forces them to make decisions, much like an aptitude test. Their responses to certain choices determine which factions they should most likely be in, and they then choose between those.
Beatrice takes the simulation, but a disturbing realization is found when she responds abnormally to the dilemmas presented; she's Divergent. Apparently being Divergen - oh, sorry, shouldn't speak that name out loud. It's dangerous, you see.

She ends up picking Dauntless, because...why not. The initiation process takes a while, during which she faces certain challenges and competes with other initiates to stay in the running. If you don't make the cut, you are thrown out to be factionless, and do dirty work like scrubbing the john.
In the end she does make the cut, and along the way falls in love with a mysterious instructor named Four. Must...resist...urge...(yes, I'll get to this guy later).
Anyway, she and Four uncover a plot by the Erudite to take over the government, which is primarily Abnegation (selfless, perfect for govt.). They plan to use the Dauntless to stage a coup.
In the end, they kill a bunch of people, a bunch of people die, and it all ends with them on a train kissing.

Must resist urge to make ASDF joke...

END MAJOR SPOILERS: MINOR SPOILERS ALERT

Alrighty. How was it overall?

Well, admittedly, I liked it. It wasn't as gripping as, say, the Beyonders series was, but I liked it nonetheless.
However.
There are a few problems.

Number one. This is more of a personal preference, but I really, really hate the viewpoint of this book, and the Hunger Games. First person present? Ugh. It's awkward. Perhaps that's simply because I'm not used to it, and I do admire Suzanne Collins and Veronica Roth for attempting to use this style, but it's just distasteful. It also feels like the book is screaming "HEY! I'M REAL BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT HERE WATCHING, YOU GHOSTLY MIND INVADER!" The past tense tends to feel better for communicating legitimacy, because it has the tone of "I'm real and historical, because I've already happened."

Secondly, Four. You guys have no idea how hard it is not to resort to French while describing this character. Really, Veronica Ruth? Oh yes, the boyfriend of your dreams should be silent, tragic, mysterious as the dark side of the moon, and not tell you anything until after a couple weeks! Yes, he's cool, but he's an overused cool. He reminds me of Gale, or Edward. A little better, but please, this archetype is just cool to the point of annoying. Because real-life people are not that cool.
Yes, I'm nitpicking. "Books aren't real life!" No, but they are meant to communicate a sense of reality. If you present unrealistic relationships like this, it lends to the unrealistic tone of your story. Again, though, it's fantasy. Ugh.

Last but not least, the appendixes. The book I read had all sorts of Q&A with the writer in the back, stuff about the factions, yada yada. In the acknowledgements she straight up says "Thank you, God, for your Son and for blessing me beyond comprehension." First sentence.
Oookay...I'm glad she professed Christianity, but the entire rest of the appendixes is a discussion and description of human psychology, which is not Biblical. And there is almost no reference to God or the Bible after that. I'm not one to call someone else's testimony, but she doesn't seem to be doing a great job at being a light...

END SPOILERS

Overall, how was it?

Pretty good. The dialogue was funny, witty, and flowed well. The characters...eh, I didn't really care for most of them. They could have been better developed. The plot was well done, though perhaps a little stilted at times.

And I could have done without the love story. The sopping love story. Oh please. No more. My eyes. They hurt. Ouch.

Monsters University

What's up ladies and gentlemen, you're back with the one and only.

Today, I watched the movie that got a lot of hype during its release; Monsters University, the sequel to Monsters Inc. Was it good? Was it bad? Venture forth and see.

SPOLIERS ALERT:

This may surprise many of you, but I haven't actually seen Monsters Inc. Now, before you nerds throw the lawbook of movie-watching at my head yelling 'Order! Order!', let me justify myself. Monsters University actually takes place chronologically before Monsters Inc. So even if you do watch them out of order, you aren't missing too much. This is the advantage of making movie series like this.

As well as the fact that...well, my mom had a coupon for Redbox, and this was what she got stuck with, so...*dodge book* hey, you take what you can get.

So, the plot. We start out with Mike Wazowski, a little green ball on arms and legs. He has one eye in his...forehead? And a mouth under that. Absolutely adorable. Don't believe me?

 

 

Aww, cute.

Cute monsters.

Logic.

 

Anyway, Mike's dream is to be a full-time scarer. Scarers go into the human world, scare sleeping little children, and collect their screams of horror to power Monsterland.

...interesting idea, I suppose. Anyway, Mike applies to Monsters University (MU) to major in scaring. He manages to get all the knowledge down perfect, but something's missing...oh yeah, he's not scary.

To prove he is scary, he signs up for the Scaring Contest, which pits several teams of monsters from MU to see who is the scariest. Tagging along with him is James P. Sullivan, the son of one of the greatest scarers of all time. Sullivan is a jerk and a layabout, but eventually becomes friends with Mike and tries to help him realize his dream.

 

Through the movie their team - which is a bunch of not scary monsters - proves again and again that they can be scary. Eventually they win the contest. It's a very unclimactic moment. Apparently Mike just...finds it within himself to be scary. The end. You can all go home now, folks.

 

BUT WAIT! PLOT TWIST!!

So apparently Sullivan cheated! In order to save Mike's pride, he rigs the final test so that Mikey'll win! However, Mike finds out and is crushed that, indeed, he's not really scary.

 

Yes. Mikey then, to prove once and for all that he is scary, sneaks into the human world (RED LIGHT, RED LIGHT) and tries to scare the living number 2 out of a bunch of little girls, who instead try...to...cuddle him.
Did I mention this?

Sullivan goes after him, but the door is locked behind them - how to get it open? They then figure out a plan to open the door from their side, they go back to MU and are promptly expelled. However, they end up finding jobs at Monsters, Inc., which ends the movie...and lays the groundwork for the next.

END SPOILERS

Overall, how was it?

I have to say, while rated G, it certainly had its iffy moments. There is a joke or three that doesn't quite seem appropriate, and an old feller does break a substitute swear word once or twice.
Those points aside, though, it was a fairly well-rounded film.

Was it cheesy? Yes. Was it kiddie? Yes. Can adults watch it? Sure. It's what you'd expect from a more tame Pixar film. It's not Toy Story, but nevertheless it has its own playful appeal. By no means is it exceptional, but it is certainly worth your time.
In the end, I'd say renting/borrowing it would probably be your best bet. If you like it enough to buy it, I won't burn you. It's a feel-good movie.

With that, I'm gone. Sayonara, Ladies Gents and Others.



The Hunger Games

Yeah guys, I know, it's been awhile since I unloaded into something, hasn't it? Let me introduce you to the shining pile of....bleeeh that's been all the rage over the past year or so: The Hunger Games.

When the movie first came out, it got massive hype and fanstuffs. I heard a lot about it before I first read the book, which believe it or not was on a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. My host Dominican family had an English copy of the Hunger Games lyin' around, so...why not.
On the way back from the missions trip, I watched the movie. By the way, did I mention that Delta earphones suck? I had to squash my hand against my one earbud and plug my other ear and turn up the volume to two thousand so I could hear over the roar of the airplane. Not the best conditions to watch such a movie, I admit.

So...I suppose this is in order.

SPOILERS ALERT!! IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS THEN...
What do I care. Read on.


The Hunger Games is a story set in a conservative's nightmare, in a future/apocalyptic thingiemajigger USA where the government controls everything. Panem is a country split into 12 districts (pssst it's actually 13, but don't tell them). Katniss, our main protagonist, is a girlie whose dad is dead from a work accident and has to help her mom take care of Prim, her little sister. She lives in district 12.

So every year there is what's called a 'reaping', where several kids from each district are selected to participate in 'The Hunger Games', which is like a gladiator fight except in a simulated environment. It's complicated. Anyway, the reason this ceremony is held is to remind the districts of how Panem arose. In the collapse of North America, the districts fought against the Capitol and the Capitol won. And they installed the Hunger Games.

Long story short: Katniss's sister Prim is chosen in the reaping but to save her Katniss volunteers to go in her place - which is highly unusual. Peeta, the brawn in this book, is also chosen to go with her. They have this awesome guy Haymitch (who was a winner from district 12 in a past Hunger Games) tutor them....sorta, and they participate. It ends with both Katniss and Peeta winning, defying the Capitol's order to fight to the death and coming out alive. And that's the end of the first part of the series.

For the sake of my sanity we won't go into the rest of the story.

Why indeed do people love this so much? It's dark, strange, choppy, and has the most awkward romance I've ever read. Katniss likes Gale but likes Peeta too who likes her but Gale kinda likes her but doesn't and...doesn't so Katniss is like 'what' and Peeta is all like 'I wuv you' and it's not clear whether he really does love her or whether he's just playing her and Katniss is just confused about the whole mess. Derrrrrrrrp.

Horrible and confusing love story aside, what about the characters themselves?

Katniss, the main protagonist, is one of the strongest characters I know. She's strong, compassionate, kind and firm when she needs to be. She does break down once or twice, but hey, she's in a battle royale to the death. How can you not feel the pressure?
Peeta is, well, Peeta. He's strong, strange, and utterly unpredictable. Just the sort of guy that a girl would love....ugh, this reminds me of Twilight...
Haymitch is awesome. I don't care what you say about his vodka problem, he's just one of those guys who doesn't give a (insert proper French here) about what happens. At least, he appears to be. It turns out, as the series progresses, that he drinks to get away from his past - especially his past in the Hunger Games. It is revealed that he might have a spark of caring somewhere in that beer-obsessed brain.

The characters, overall, aren't that bad. Where I feel this story plunks, though, is the actual elements of the story itself.
Have you ever watched a gory movie and felt like puking afterwards? I'm not someone to flinch at disturbing pictures, but this movie nearly made me throw up.
The Hunger Games themselves is a gladiator duel between kids. For the pleasure of the masses. It is a truly sickening thing. The book and movie bring that out well, but I don't have a problem with that, I have a problem with why is it there in the first place.
You do not need such a drastic example of evil in a story. You do not need to, in a story, describe a rape scene in detail merely for the purpose of emphasis. In the same way, you don't need to add kids to arena fights to emphasize just how wrong arenas are. Evil is horrible. We know that. And we have plenty of real-life examples of evil. There's no need to bring this out.

That being said, there is also a pervading sense of gloom over the entire series. The books are depressing. The movie is depressing. The whole thing is just depressing. Wonderful, Suzanne Collins. Give me more! Make me more depressed! It's okay, I got some Prozac on hold!

Many people like this series nonetheless, and I understand why. I personally hate it. It's my policy to be wary and skeptical of something that receives a lot of acclaim from the world, and the Hunger Games is pretty high on that list. If you wish to disagree with me do so by email at deltalorincz@gmail.com. Not in the comment section.

Chow.

SUSMUN

Hey guys, wazzuuuuuup.
Wazzzzuuuuuuuup?

Haaaaaa?

I'M BACK! YEAH! Thank you, thank you. Sorry, I don't do autographs. Or hugs, because people are sick. But thanks, yes, yes, I love you all too. Now shut up and sit down, I have something to talk about, savvy? I'm not just writing this post because I'm tired, bored, and have nothing else to do. Of course not. I mean, that would....

Yes, I'm rambling, wait a second and let me spell out the title.

Southern United States Model United Nations, otherwise known as SUSMUN (suss - mun). It is what it sounds like. A mock UN meeting in the good ol' South. This one, specifically, was at the Hilton in Atlanta.

If you'd like the short version, it was a bunch of people in suits sitting around discussing issues yelling at each other and doing nothing significant. I was representing the Kingdom of Sweden, that jolly old nation in Europe that (fun fact) has a black market in strawberries, no joke.

"Hey you kids....wanna buy some strawberries?"

There were several committees, of which I was in SPECPOL (Special Political and Decolonization Committee). The main topic of discussion was "health and human rights in refugee camps", and believe you me when I say there ain't nowhere else in the world you can get as sick of the word refugee as you could there. I ended up wishing I was North Korea. Just nuke all the refugees, problem solved. Bing!

So let me elaborate on the schedule. We arrived at the Hilton on Friday around four o'clock. Checked in, visited a prep meeting, then set up in our rooms and headed to opening ceremonies. From there, we had dinner and then headed to our separate committees for our first session, which was a solid 3 and a half hours. It ended at eleven p.m. (Needless to say, I didn't get enough sleep). The next morning I woke up at seven, had an impromptu snackish breakfast and headed to session two, another 3 and a half hours. Then we had an hour and a half break for lunch. Then we had a SIX AND A HALF hour session, and then dinner for an hour and a half. Then another three-and-a-half hour session, again ending around eleven (but technically ten, since Daylight Savings Time). Sunday we again had an impromptu breakfast and then headed to our last three-and-a-half hour session, where we voted on the resolutions we had formulated over the weekend. Then we went to closing ceremonies, packed up and headed out.
I arrived at home, unpacked a little, and collapsed in bed at around three-thirty p.m., waking up today at about nine thirty a.m.

Did I mention I was a little tired?