So guys.
I live in a home where, when something highly anticipated comes out in the theaters, we don't rush to see it. We wait until it comes out on Redbox. Or even until it's in the library. I have literally never been to a midnight viewing of any movie for its debut. Ever. And to be honest, I don't relish the idea.
So. That being said, you now know why this review is coming out so long after the actual movie.
I literally watched this movie about a week or two ago. That's how long it took for me to finally get my hands on it.
SPOILER ALERT!
So we start out with Vitruvius, a wizard voiced by AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA MORGAN FREEMAN?!
How much did they pay you to be in this movie?
*looks at cast*
Oh wait, they have a ton of famous actors in this movie.
Moving on.
So Vitruvius is trying to protect a 'superweapon' called the 'Kragle'. But then eeeevil Darth Business...I mean Lord Business, shows up and steals it. Vitruvius quotes a prophecy where some Special thingamadude will show up with the Piece of Resistance and render the Kragle useless.
Switch to Emmet, our protagonist. He's a normal guy, working a normal job, with a completely normal personality.
Wait, no, he's not. He's an annoying chatterbox who somehow got a job in construction, and his personality consists of ADHD mixed with desperation because he has no friends.
Uh...let's stop there. If I tried to describe the plot of this movie I'd get tied down way too fast in details.
END SPOILERS...already
Not that the plot's bad. It's fairly well put together...in context, of course.
You see, the Lego movie makes fun of many film-writing clichés. You can tell. It's obvious. If it isn't, then I think you should go watch Green Lantern or something and get an idea of what I mean by cliché.
The animation was interesting. I expected something more like actual CG animated Legos, like the Lego Star Wars games or somesuch. Instead, they just animated the faces and the rest was natural Lego movement. After I got used to it, I thought it was pretty inventive.
Music wasn't much to speak of. I say that because nothing stood out to me. And what did, I didn't particularly enjoy. You know what I mean.
Everything is awful...everything is bad...
Dialogue was good. A lot of the movie was just plain humor, but when they actually came to meaningful moments...well, they certainly didn't do bad.
Characters were, well, characters. I can't really laud their development. Emmet's, maybe. He goes from being a nobody to a pretty important guy, and handles it fairly well. The rest of the characters I felt were just there for backdrop. Sure, they were there. They just weren't...outstanding.
Overall, would I recommend it? Sure. It catered itself well to all ages. The message at the end was actually well delivered. The humor was funny. I enjoyed it.
If you want to see something like this, I don't recommend going to the theater. I wouldn't say you're dimwitted and wasteful for doing so - I just feel like this is better rented or borrowed from the library. It's no Avengers. But it's good.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Make Me a Sandwich?
Cooking.
Lots of people do it.
You know who does it most?
Girls.
Why?
Because most guys can't.
I'm not quite sure who I'm talking to here. Guys? Girls? Whatever. I think I'll just say what I'm going to say.
So for some reason, the role of housewife has been largely degraded in society today. That is to say, there's a lot of 'women in the kitchen' jokes and 'make me a sandwich' jokes and so on. And I admit, I'm not innocent of these myself.
But let me dispel this belief that this position is overrated. You who ridicule, mock, or joke about women, how "they should be in the kitchen" and yadda yadda, let me tell you this.
You're right.
Women should be in the kitchen.
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T COOK FOR *insert appropriate term here*.
Don't you dare believe cooking is for women because it's a menial task for waifus who have nothing to do. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU MOTHER SEAL, COOKING IS AN ART.
You hear?
AN ART.
I have a mom. I know.
So, girls.
When guys joke about you being in the kitchen, or they joke about your cooking, or whatever, I can guarantee you the jokers can't cook worth a penny. (This includes yours truly.) Please, don't think cooking is some underrated task. Tis an ability that is invaluable. If no one could cook, we'd be stuck burning squirrels over a campfire or something. Cooking is awesome, end of story.
Hey guys:
Joking about cooking is fine and all, but just remember that when you get married, your wife pretty much controls what you eat. So you'd better hope she knows her thing (and you better respect that), because if not it's Ramen for breakfast, Ramen for lunch, and leftover Ramen for dinner. Yaaaay.
One last note. Cooking is mostly for girls, yes, but that doesn't mean guys shouldn't learn a thing or two either. In fact, I envy the guy who can cook along with his role as a guy. There ain't anything in the Bible that says cooking is a sin for men.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have salads to burn.
Lots of people do it.
You know who does it most?
Girls.
Why?
Because most guys can't.
I'm not quite sure who I'm talking to here. Guys? Girls? Whatever. I think I'll just say what I'm going to say.
So for some reason, the role of housewife has been largely degraded in society today. That is to say, there's a lot of 'women in the kitchen' jokes and 'make me a sandwich' jokes and so on. And I admit, I'm not innocent of these myself.
But let me dispel this belief that this position is overrated. You who ridicule, mock, or joke about women, how "they should be in the kitchen" and yadda yadda, let me tell you this.
You're right.
Women should be in the kitchen.
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T COOK FOR *insert appropriate term here*.
Don't you dare believe cooking is for women because it's a menial task for waifus who have nothing to do. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU MOTHER SEAL, COOKING IS AN ART.
You hear?
AN ART.
I have a mom. I know.
So, girls.
When guys joke about you being in the kitchen, or they joke about your cooking, or whatever, I can guarantee you the jokers can't cook worth a penny. (This includes yours truly.) Please, don't think cooking is some underrated task. Tis an ability that is invaluable. If no one could cook, we'd be stuck burning squirrels over a campfire or something. Cooking is awesome, end of story.
Hey guys:
Joking about cooking is fine and all, but just remember that when you get married, your wife pretty much controls what you eat. So you'd better hope she knows her thing (and you better respect that), because if not it's Ramen for breakfast, Ramen for lunch, and leftover Ramen for dinner. Yaaaay.
One last note. Cooking is mostly for girls, yes, but that doesn't mean guys shouldn't learn a thing or two either. In fact, I envy the guy who can cook along with his role as a guy. There ain't anything in the Bible that says cooking is a sin for men.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have salads to burn.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
The good ol' days...
...when people were intelligent.
I didn't exaggerate. IQ is not a good way to measure intelligence, so before you start shouting the Flynn effect at me, I shall elaborate.
Contemporary vs Antiquitous
Music has taken a huge step backwards in the past couple decades. Where our songs used to be about religion, philosophy, love, hate, fear, joy...they're still about those. Just less connected. The lyrics are dumbed down like you wouldn't believe. But do people notice? Not much. Our brains are just paying attention to whether or not the words and music sound good together.
For example, here's the alleged number 1 song of 2014 - Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off":
I stay up too late
Got nothing in my brain
That's what people say
That's what people say
I go on too many dates
But I can't make them stay
At least that's what people say
That's what people say
But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop moving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off
I never miss a beat
I'm lighting up my feet
And that's what they don't see
That's what they don't see
I'm dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that's what they don't know
That's what they don't know
But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop grooving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off
Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you been getting down and out about the liars
And the dirty dirty cheats of the world
You could have been getting down to this sick beat
Yeah, Taylor. That was a pretty sick beat, and I mean sick as it means in Standard English - that is, terrible, diseased, and awful.
You know what was second on the top list? Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda". I took a hit for you guys and actually glanced at the lyrics.
DO NOT EVER LOOK UP THAT SONG. IF YOU VALUE YOUR PURITY.
Movies. Stupid.
It's not even funny, guys. The amount of films coming out that have the same formula, the same disregard for quality, is unbelievable. I'm not saying there aren't any good ones. I'm saying the bad is far out-counting the good. The movies don't care if you have an IQ of over 20. They're presupposing most of the people watching are just there to escape reality and get a thrill - and you know what? Good for them. They're doing just fine. Because it's working.
Books. Cue the three-tone fail track.
Most of the plots we have on paper aren't half bad. In fact, a lot of them are pretty good. I find most of my solace in the pages of well-written books.
Unfortunately, the material is plummeting in quality. I walk through the Young Adult section at a library, and you know what I see? Sex. Horror. Sex. Godlessness. Sex. I could name a ton of popular books that fail dramatically in these areas.
News.
Do I need to go into this one? The latest shooting. The newest disaster. Death, destruction, disease, corruption, lies, yaaaaaaay. Oh yeah, and Miss America changed her hairstyle. This is world-changing news, peeps.
But in the end, there's one factor that causes all of this, and that's people. I rant at what trash media is producing, but really, it's the people behind the media who are the problems. People lie, cheat, steal, are immoral, profane, shallow. Am I better? But for the grace of God, I would be all of those things too. And I still fight all of it.
Guys, we need a new disease. We need some actual zombie outbreak. I mean, people are almost already practically zombies, but there's laws against killing them. What is this world coming to?
I didn't exaggerate. IQ is not a good way to measure intelligence, so before you start shouting the Flynn effect at me, I shall elaborate.
Contemporary vs Antiquitous
Music has taken a huge step backwards in the past couple decades. Where our songs used to be about religion, philosophy, love, hate, fear, joy...they're still about those. Just less connected. The lyrics are dumbed down like you wouldn't believe. But do people notice? Not much. Our brains are just paying attention to whether or not the words and music sound good together.
For example, here's the alleged number 1 song of 2014 - Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off":
I stay up too late
Got nothing in my brain
That's what people say
That's what people say
I go on too many dates
But I can't make them stay
At least that's what people say
That's what people say
But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop moving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off
I never miss a beat
I'm lighting up my feet
And that's what they don't see
That's what they don't see
I'm dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that's what they don't know
That's what they don't know
But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop grooving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off
Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you been getting down and out about the liars
And the dirty dirty cheats of the world
You could have been getting down to this sick beat
Yeah, Taylor. That was a pretty sick beat, and I mean sick as it means in Standard English - that is, terrible, diseased, and awful.
You know what was second on the top list? Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda". I took a hit for you guys and actually glanced at the lyrics.
DO NOT EVER LOOK UP THAT SONG. IF YOU VALUE YOUR PURITY.
Movies. Stupid.
It's not even funny, guys. The amount of films coming out that have the same formula, the same disregard for quality, is unbelievable. I'm not saying there aren't any good ones. I'm saying the bad is far out-counting the good. The movies don't care if you have an IQ of over 20. They're presupposing most of the people watching are just there to escape reality and get a thrill - and you know what? Good for them. They're doing just fine. Because it's working.
Books. Cue the three-tone fail track.
Most of the plots we have on paper aren't half bad. In fact, a lot of them are pretty good. I find most of my solace in the pages of well-written books.
Unfortunately, the material is plummeting in quality. I walk through the Young Adult section at a library, and you know what I see? Sex. Horror. Sex. Godlessness. Sex. I could name a ton of popular books that fail dramatically in these areas.
News.
Do I need to go into this one? The latest shooting. The newest disaster. Death, destruction, disease, corruption, lies, yaaaaaaay. Oh yeah, and Miss America changed her hairstyle. This is world-changing news, peeps.
But in the end, there's one factor that causes all of this, and that's people. I rant at what trash media is producing, but really, it's the people behind the media who are the problems. People lie, cheat, steal, are immoral, profane, shallow. Am I better? But for the grace of God, I would be all of those things too. And I still fight all of it.
Guys, we need a new disease. We need some actual zombie outbreak. I mean, people are almost already practically zombies, but there's laws against killing them. What is this world coming to?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)