So why is it that anything with a scrap of potential to be art in this world is sand-blasted clean of it with the hose of worldly grime? Because I just saw Now You See Me, and it was a towering disappointment.
I've gotten into the habit of looking up movies on IMDB, mostly for the parent's review which, for the most part, gives you a good overview of the questionable parts of the movie.
The only problem is, its standards aren't very high at times.
Whoever's in charge of the rating system needs to be replaced with, like, an Amish priest or something. Because seriously, the standards set by the current system are screwed up. Especially that PG-13 rating. Baloney Sandwiches, you sons of mothers. PG-13 could mean anything from "It's okay for 13 and up" or "Really rated R but we wanted more people to be suckered into seeing it because pee gee thurteeeeen".
So back to the movie I was talking about - I went to look it up. Okay, so the sexual content was questionable. Bordering on unwatchable (if it had been the extended version...definitely unwatchable), but not permanently scarring. Fine. Violence - well, I can deal with most violence. Language? Oh, well, not nearly as bad as some movies. Bordering on unwatchable, but still watchable...
...right?
Wrong. Was I ever so wrong. See, IMDB is usually accurate on everything, but this time they slipped up big-time when they missed about ten thousand religious expletives...you know, anything from OMG to GD to JC.
So what's the deal, IMDB? Did you think those didn't qualify as swearing? Why? Because they're religious? They didn't even mention religious expletives. But apparently 'hell' and 'damn' aren't in any way religious, because they certainly mention those.
So I went around after the movie to see if there were any sites that actually reported on this accurately. I even specifically searched for Christian movie sites, to see if they had any listings like IMDB's...and to my shock, almost zero results did. Some had vague references, like "Oh yeah, the swearing is bad". That's useless to me. Of course the swearing's bad. I want to know what specifically they say. If they drop an f-bomb once or twice, then I can stand to watch the movie. But a bucketload of taking the Lord's name in vain? Why, movie industry? Why?
Well, it's not like I don't expect movies to include this sort of garbage, but it would be really nice to know before I watch the movie.
Does anyone know of such a website that is very specific on what sort of bad stuff the movie includes? I will be in your debt for eternity. If not, I'm planning on starting some sort of blog that outlines this stuff myself. It needs to be done.
As for the movie, I don't recommend watching it, for reasons that should be obvious. It was visually impressive, the magic was neat, the characters shallow and the plot questionable. But the thousand nails in the coffin of Now You See Me is that, while it could have been passable, somebody thought "You know what this script is missing? A truckload of cussing."
Yeah. Wouldn't be a good movie without that, would it?
Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Friday, November 14, 2014
Rambling on: Star Wars Battlefront 2
If you've not played this game, this won't make much sense.
Kamino: 0500 hours.
Looking down the proverbial scope of my proverbial sniper at the proverbial AI charging up the proverbial ramp in a straight line directly into my proverbial crosshairs, I give a proverbial sigh and wonder if I really don't know what proverbial means, and if I use it too much.
Click!
Click!
Click!
I've been what gamers call 'camping' on a high outpost that, in the Battlefront version of Kamino, creates a landscape I'm fairly certain is similar to that of Omaha Beach in WWII, because the carnage is pretty intense.
Or maybe the AI are just stupid. Yeah. That's probably it, I think. Man, they sure do like that little spot in my scope that equals their head getting blown off...
Whoops! Wonder if that stormtrooper had a family? He got hisself involved in the wrong massacre, at any rate. Bet he was a terrible dad.
An engineer behind me tosses me some more ammo, which is good, because if I wander off to go refill my ammo for even thirty seconds, the enemy AI are probably going to swarm the center of the map...the platform I've been sweeping clear. My team really couldn't survive without me. I probably account for at least a third of the enemy casualties.
"You're on FIRE!" plays one of the AI encouragement lines.
Thanks, pal. You know why? Because you sorry lot couldn't hit the broadside of the Pentagon with an airplane. So I have to pick up the pace to balance out your incompetent...
Yeah, thanks for the shout-out, anyway.
Tatooine: 0530.
Dance for me! DAAAAAANCE!
It's not even a challenge. And the difficulty's supposedly set on 'Elite'? Maybe I've just had this game for too long.
It's the Tuskens vs Jawas, and if you're any fan of Star Wars then you know without a doubt who should win this matchup. Not only are they friggin' nomadic hunters, the Tuskens are just...better. Period.
But nope. Screw logic! Says Battlefront, and the Jawas are winning. It's probably because A. They're smaller and thus harder to hit and B. Their weapons shoot chain lightning that is practically impossible to miss with.
But you know who I went with anyway? The Tuskens. And here I am, charging around doing CQB with a bolt-action beam rifle, because aw yeah, that's how I roll.
Wait, the Jawas are still kicking our butts? Hold on a second...
-Three minutes and thirty-seven seconds later-
HALF OF MY TEAM SCORED NO KILLS AT ALL?
Bollocks.
Tatooine: 0600 hours.
We're back! And this time it's a Heroes vs Villians, in an all-out epic duel of the century!
I choose you, Villians!
All right, here I am, rockin' my Vader, charging these cretins and...oh, I'm dead.
Who killed me? LEAH? You're kidding.
Respawning...yup...gonna kick some AI Princess rear...
WHAT? SPAWN CAMPING IS FOR HUMANS, YOU STUPID COMPUTER!
THAT SABER THROW WAS TOTALLY AIMBOT!
YOU GANGED UP! FIGHT ME LIKE MEN!
YOU HEROES ARE SO OP!
~Defeat~
Hackers.
Kamino: 0500 hours.
Looking down the proverbial scope of my proverbial sniper at the proverbial AI charging up the proverbial ramp in a straight line directly into my proverbial crosshairs, I give a proverbial sigh and wonder if I really don't know what proverbial means, and if I use it too much.
Click!
Click!
Click!
I've been what gamers call 'camping' on a high outpost that, in the Battlefront version of Kamino, creates a landscape I'm fairly certain is similar to that of Omaha Beach in WWII, because the carnage is pretty intense.
Or maybe the AI are just stupid. Yeah. That's probably it, I think. Man, they sure do like that little spot in my scope that equals their head getting blown off...
Whoops! Wonder if that stormtrooper had a family? He got hisself involved in the wrong massacre, at any rate. Bet he was a terrible dad.
An engineer behind me tosses me some more ammo, which is good, because if I wander off to go refill my ammo for even thirty seconds, the enemy AI are probably going to swarm the center of the map...the platform I've been sweeping clear. My team really couldn't survive without me. I probably account for at least a third of the enemy casualties.
"You're on FIRE!" plays one of the AI encouragement lines.
Thanks, pal. You know why? Because you sorry lot couldn't hit the broadside of the Pentagon with an airplane. So I have to pick up the pace to balance out your incompetent...
Yeah, thanks for the shout-out, anyway.
Tatooine: 0530.
Dance for me! DAAAAAANCE!
It's not even a challenge. And the difficulty's supposedly set on 'Elite'? Maybe I've just had this game for too long.
It's the Tuskens vs Jawas, and if you're any fan of Star Wars then you know without a doubt who should win this matchup. Not only are they friggin' nomadic hunters, the Tuskens are just...better. Period.
But nope. Screw logic! Says Battlefront, and the Jawas are winning. It's probably because A. They're smaller and thus harder to hit and B. Their weapons shoot chain lightning that is practically impossible to miss with.
But you know who I went with anyway? The Tuskens. And here I am, charging around doing CQB with a bolt-action beam rifle, because aw yeah, that's how I roll.
Wait, the Jawas are still kicking our butts? Hold on a second...
-Three minutes and thirty-seven seconds later-
HALF OF MY TEAM SCORED NO KILLS AT ALL?
Bollocks.
Tatooine: 0600 hours.
We're back! And this time it's a Heroes vs Villians, in an all-out epic duel of the century!
I choose you, Villians!
All right, here I am, rockin' my Vader, charging these cretins and...oh, I'm dead.
Who killed me? LEAH? You're kidding.
Respawning...yup...gonna kick some AI Princess rear...
WHAT? SPAWN CAMPING IS FOR HUMANS, YOU STUPID COMPUTER!
THAT SABER THROW WAS TOTALLY AIMBOT!
YOU GANGED UP! FIGHT ME LIKE MEN!
YOU HEROES ARE SO OP!
~Defeat~
Hackers.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Computing Tips & Tricks
What?? Something useful? I need to check whether this site is a scam or not!
So I've been using Windows computers for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I'm probably known by all laptops everywhere as 'The Black Hand', simply because almost every computer I touch seems to inevitably catch some virus or bug that costs a lot of time, trouble, and dosh to fix.
But with this notoriety comes some useful application: since these bugs have plagued me, I've had to spend long days on Google search, looking for ways to improve my computer's performance and looking out for viruses.
So here's a couple of tips to make your laptop or computer run faster or stay away from viruses. Disclaimer: These only apply to PC...mostly. So Mac users, sit back and weep, for more Google searching is in order.
1.) Task Manager is your best friend.
Seriously, I can't count the number of problems I've fixed simply by learning how to use this simple application. It's at the simple combination of ctrl-alt-delete, and the solution to countless headaches is there at your fingertips. For instance, say your browser isn't responding. You're trying to end the task, but it just isn't working. So bring up Task Manager, go to the 'process' of your browser (under 'processes' it'll look something like 'iexplorer.exe' or 'chrome.exe' or whatever browser you use), right click on that process and click 'end process'. Maaaaagic.
Not only can it help with ending unresponsive programs, it can also let you know if a process is bogging down your CPU. Sometimes, you might recognize that your computer is running really slowly, slower than usual. Well, this can easily be remedied by ending the process that's using up so much memory: just go to the process tab of Task Manager and see which one is using up the most memory. Then end it. Kaboom.
2.) Run 'disk cleanup' regularly.
'Disk cleanup' is a simple application that gets rid of unnecessary files that clog up your CPU. You can find it by searching the Start Menu quite easily, and it's very straightforward and simple to use. If you're worried that it'll delete a document or game, be at peace: it knows better than that. All in all, it's a simple way to clean off the dust and rust and get your computer running a little better.
3.) Don't download free programs.
Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule. If the free program is by an actual business (like Google), then it's safe to download. Or, if the program is free but has an 'upgrade' or 'pro' version, it's usually safe to download. But if the above two aren't true, and the free whatever-it-is-you're-looking-at sounds too good to be true, chances are it is too good to be true. That's how scams get you; by promising cookies and ice cream, but when you accept the deal, you get dirt cakes and dry ice.
4.) Always have some sort of antivirus program.
These programs are essential to have, which is why all Windows laptops and computers come with a free one (though it's not spectacular). These programs block bad files and are tuned to hunt down malicious software, and trust me, that's something you need in this day and age. Personally, I use 'Microsoft Security Essentials', but I prefer something like 'Norton Antivirus'. If you're a cheap person (because both of those cost money), Windows actually comes with an antivirus program that's fine called 'Windows Defender'.
Make sure you run scans from these programs every once and a while. Viruses sometimes lie dormant, so you don't know they're there until that little jack-in-the-data files pops up and wrecks your computer.
5.) Keep about 1 GB of free space on your computer hard drives.
Yeah, the computer might say it can hold 10 GB of information, but guess what? As soon as it maxes out, it gets really sloooooooooow. So keep some free space so that the normal everyday processing junk has a place to go, and make sure you run that 'disk cleanup' application daily.
If you need to, buy a removable hard drive - those little USB things that can hold documents and games and stuff. You can get big ones, too - up to terabytes of information. The point is you don't need to keep everything on one computer; and in fact, it's not a very good idea to. You should have backups of your documents and such on a removable hard drive, so in case your computer crashes, you still have all your information.
I realize this is all a bit tech-speaky, and if you're one of those people who just knows how to play Minecraft and type documents, well, this obviously isn't for you. Looks like Google's your best friend now.
Oh yeah!
6.) GOOGLE IS YOUR BESTEST FRIEND!
You can find everything on Google. No kidding. I learned about 90% of the above information just surfing the web. So if you run up against a problem, don't spend hundreds of dollars when you can spend half an hour surfing the web and fix it!
That's all for now, folks.
So I've been using Windows computers for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I'm probably known by all laptops everywhere as 'The Black Hand', simply because almost every computer I touch seems to inevitably catch some virus or bug that costs a lot of time, trouble, and dosh to fix.
But with this notoriety comes some useful application: since these bugs have plagued me, I've had to spend long days on Google search, looking for ways to improve my computer's performance and looking out for viruses.
So here's a couple of tips to make your laptop or computer run faster or stay away from viruses. Disclaimer: These only apply to PC...mostly. So Mac users, sit back and weep, for more Google searching is in order.
1.) Task Manager is your best friend.
Seriously, I can't count the number of problems I've fixed simply by learning how to use this simple application. It's at the simple combination of ctrl-alt-delete, and the solution to countless headaches is there at your fingertips. For instance, say your browser isn't responding. You're trying to end the task, but it just isn't working. So bring up Task Manager, go to the 'process' of your browser (under 'processes' it'll look something like 'iexplorer.exe' or 'chrome.exe' or whatever browser you use), right click on that process and click 'end process'. Maaaaagic.
Not only can it help with ending unresponsive programs, it can also let you know if a process is bogging down your CPU. Sometimes, you might recognize that your computer is running really slowly, slower than usual. Well, this can easily be remedied by ending the process that's using up so much memory: just go to the process tab of Task Manager and see which one is using up the most memory. Then end it. Kaboom.
2.) Run 'disk cleanup' regularly.
'Disk cleanup' is a simple application that gets rid of unnecessary files that clog up your CPU. You can find it by searching the Start Menu quite easily, and it's very straightforward and simple to use. If you're worried that it'll delete a document or game, be at peace: it knows better than that. All in all, it's a simple way to clean off the dust and rust and get your computer running a little better.
3.) Don't download free programs.
Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule. If the free program is by an actual business (like Google), then it's safe to download. Or, if the program is free but has an 'upgrade' or 'pro' version, it's usually safe to download. But if the above two aren't true, and the free whatever-it-is-you're-looking-at sounds too good to be true, chances are it is too good to be true. That's how scams get you; by promising cookies and ice cream, but when you accept the deal, you get dirt cakes and dry ice.
4.) Always have some sort of antivirus program.
These programs are essential to have, which is why all Windows laptops and computers come with a free one (though it's not spectacular). These programs block bad files and are tuned to hunt down malicious software, and trust me, that's something you need in this day and age. Personally, I use 'Microsoft Security Essentials', but I prefer something like 'Norton Antivirus'. If you're a cheap person (because both of those cost money), Windows actually comes with an antivirus program that's fine called 'Windows Defender'.
Make sure you run scans from these programs every once and a while. Viruses sometimes lie dormant, so you don't know they're there until that little jack-in-the-data files pops up and wrecks your computer.
5.) Keep about 1 GB of free space on your computer hard drives.
Yeah, the computer might say it can hold 10 GB of information, but guess what? As soon as it maxes out, it gets really sloooooooooow. So keep some free space so that the normal everyday processing junk has a place to go, and make sure you run that 'disk cleanup' application daily.
If you need to, buy a removable hard drive - those little USB things that can hold documents and games and stuff. You can get big ones, too - up to terabytes of information. The point is you don't need to keep everything on one computer; and in fact, it's not a very good idea to. You should have backups of your documents and such on a removable hard drive, so in case your computer crashes, you still have all your information.
I realize this is all a bit tech-speaky, and if you're one of those people who just knows how to play Minecraft and type documents, well, this obviously isn't for you. Looks like Google's your best friend now.
Oh yeah!
6.) GOOGLE IS YOUR BESTEST FRIEND!
You can find everything on Google. No kidding. I learned about 90% of the above information just surfing the web. So if you run up against a problem, don't spend hundreds of dollars when you can spend half an hour surfing the web and fix it!
That's all for now, folks.
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