The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

So, have any of you heard of the abovementioned movie?

Probably not. It's not a widely known film. Spoilers will income, but it's probably not a movie you need watch, so whatever.

--SPOILERS ALERT--

So, about the plot. The movie is based in 1899, and starts out with, of all things, a tank robbing a bank in England. Well.
Let's just say that tanks weren't supposed to have been invented by then...I guess I can't penalize them for being bold. And they sure robbed that bank.

So, apparently this guy who calls himself the 'Phantom' wants to embroil the world in world war for...profit. In response to this terrorist, a British Secret Service agent named 'M' recruits several people with 'special talents' to combat this new threat. Among them are Alan Quartermain, a British legend: Skinner, an invisible man: Ali Baba and his forty thieves (I don't remember his name: just some Muslim pirate who has the gaudiest equipment I've seen in my life): Mina, a scientist who's also a vampire: Sawyer, an American spy: the Incredible Hulk (just with an elixir and no green): and Dorian Grey, an immortal.

They assemble and head off to Venice, in order to stop the dastardly Phantom from blowing the whole city up. They succeed, but it turns out that the Phantom is actually M: SHOCKER!!!! (No, really, it was unexpected...but only because I thought they'd have more imagination than that)

In the process of saving the city, it turns out that Dorian is a traitor, who was working for M 'The Phantom' the entire time. He escapes the League but is tracked by our ever-resourceful Ali Baba and his bubblemarine. I mean submarine. I mean...floating piece of furniture. They arrive at the Phantom's base and discover that M, in forming the League, obtained a sample of each of their abilities and is mass-producing them to sell to the warring nations. Thus, the big battle ensues, M and Dorian are killed, and the world is peaceful. For now.

Unfortunately, Quartermain is also killed in the boss-fight with M and is buried in Africa, where he was in the beginning of the movie. Thus it ends.

And...speaking of endings, this movie had one of the strangest I've ever seen. Imagine a witch-doctor dancing around a fire in the Great Plains. Storm clouds are rolling up, thunder is booming, he's yelling curses in Chinese, and the fire is going wacko. And then up roll the credits, like the movie's saying "Yup. Yeah. We're done. Go figure out what to do with your life."

--END MAJOR SPOILERS: MINOR SPOILERS ALERT--

Let me give a little backstory on the League themselves, from what I could gather.

-Quartermain was a very successful British agent, but he took his son on a mission once and he was killed, so Quartermain decided "I'm done with Queen and Country, let's go live in Africa". He is portrayed by the ever-charismatic Sean Connery, and was a pretty awesome guy.

-Skinner is a thief who stole an invisible formula from a scientist who originally held the 'invisible man' legend. He thought it would help him with his profession, but it turns out to be a pain, because to be completely invisible he has to walk around stark naked. You don't really have places to put stuff when you're in your birthday suit. At least, not many.

-Ali Bubbleface is a pirate who thinks he's not a pirate but is a pirate and in fact is more like a gentleman pirate. He's the terror of the high seas (weird I didn't learn about him in history class) and enjoys wearing and using extravagantly embroidered equipment. I didn't care for him, except for one epic scene at the end where he slices this guy into banana pieces.

-Mina is a scientist-vampire who originally teamed up with Van Helsing to kill Dracula. Weird way to connect to that story...but okay. She was turned into a vampire by Dracula himself. All in all she's kinda strange. Not really creepy. Just strange.

-Sawyer's a member of the American Secret Service. He's a hotshot with his guns and his mouth, and during the whole movie gives lines and action sequences where you just can't help but pump your fist in the air and say through a mouthful of potato chips " 'Murica!"

-Hulk -- because that's what he is -- is a poor researcher who happened upon an elixir that pretty much blows you up into a super-strong version of elephant man. He struggles with bipolarality and a disturbing addiction to the said elixir. I hated him.

-Dorian Grey is a smooth, suave immortal guy who is invincible. Like, literally, invincible. He can't die from age or bodily harm. The only way to kill him is to make him look at a portrait of himself that has aged instead of him, which undoes the whatchamacallit to release the thingamabob and triggers the gobbledygook. He's the seeming hero-who-turns-traitor in the end, finally being forced to look at his picture (and he could have just...closed his eyes instead of looking, but movie logic).
My favorite line in the movie had to be one of his when, in a fight scene, a soldier has just shot him full of holes. Dorain calmly walks up to him and stabs him with his cane sword. The soldier, in the throes of death, gurgles "What are you?" to which Dorian replies, deadpan, "I'm complicated."

--END SPOILERS--

Overall, the movie was plain average. It certainly wasn't anything special. The acting was fine, but the dialogue seemed a bit forced at times. The plot was sort of cheesy, with the extremely unoriginal and as a result unexpected plot twist in the middle. The characters were cool for their abilities, but I really didn't give anything about any of them. They were more used to move the plot along, instead of being interestingly developed.

While having its bad points, though, it had its good ones. The action was fun and interesting. The abilities of the different characters made for an interesting spectacle, and Skinner the invisible man could have made the movie, if he hadn't been cut out for a good twenty minutes out of ninety. There were a couple of pretty funny moments, and a few well done talking scenes, even given the flat dialogue present throughout.

As a final judgment, I'd say it's kind of a guilty pleasure. I enjoyed it - I really did. Even given its faults. I wouldn't rent it or buy it, though: if they have it at your local library, give it a try. It's good for a view.

And that's it. This is yours truly, signing off!

Did You Know?

Many famous people have appeared throughout the ages. Their names and influence have been immortalized in the annals of time.

An old adage says "A picture is worth a thousand words." True, to be sure. But words certainly play a part in the picture we create, do they not?
As such, you may be surprised what you might find. People say weird things. I recently did some research on famous people quotes...and here's a few interesting ones I found.

"He would make a lovely corpse."
-Charles Dickens

"It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, especially if you live near him."
-J.R.R. Tolkien

"I believe today that my conduct is in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator."
-Adolf Hitler

"If anything is certain, it is that I myself am not a Marxist."
-Karl Marx

"Marriage is neither heaven nor hell: it is simply purgatory."
-Abraham Lincoln

"The die is cast."
-Julius Caesar

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy: if a bad one, a philosopher."
-Socrates

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind."
-Aristotle

"He was a wise man who invented beer."
-Plato

"I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

"If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking."
-George S. Patton

"Sure, it's good. It's a pile of poop with bacon bits on top."
-Joshua Koh

Aand that's it, people. Hope you liked 'em, and you might be noticing they're not in chronological order.
I DON'T CARE.
There's definitely more, and you can look for them if you like. I took all these off of brainyquote.com, check it out if you wanna find some awesome, funny, or weird sayings!

Fangirlism and Fanboyism

Heeheh.

Hoohoo.

Haha.

Oh, eh, excuse me. Probably should get to the point, right?
I was talking with some friends at church today and the issue of fan...something-or-other came up, so now I shall rant a good paragraph or five and you shall read, savvy? Thank you!

Fangirlism. The term sends shivers down my spine. For those of you who don't...ah forget that, if you don't know what Fangirlism is then you clearly should not be reading this. Get off.
So for all of you who still don't know and are rebellious enough to keep reading, Fangirlism (stop capitalizing it autocorrect, it's not a proper noun) is when girls fawn, dote, or have fanciful ideas of a guy, whether he's real or not. Sound familiar? If not, how about reading my fanservice post first.
FIRST.
To be brief and cut to the quick, Fangirlism (NOT capitalized) is unhealthy, and dangerous. Why is it unhealthy? Because it's dangerous. And why is it dangerous? Well, if taken to far (and there's a fine, fine line between mere fan and then fangirl) it can damage existing relationships, especially if you, as a girl, already have a boyfriend. If you fangirl over some guy and try to have a regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, you will unconsciously be holding your boyfriend up to your...object...of...Fangirlism, and that can lead to bad things. Also, if you're a Christian, extreme Fangirlism is the same as idolatry. Watch out gals, watch out.
Speaking personally as a guy, I know that when girls 'fangirl' over guy celebs it hurts our sense of manliness. Don't understand? Good. You know how we feel trying to comprehend you. Muhaha.

Same thing goes for fanboyism, although fanboyism is pretty much lust, in most cases. Guys, don't ever find yourself 'fanboying' over anyone, unless perhaps it's your fiancée.

Having said all that, I'm not being too serious, people. Not many people I know actually 'fangirl' or 'fanboy' in my interpretation of the terms. But there's waaay too many people out there who DO.

Signing off, ladies and gents!

Why three blogs?

So, the question might have passed through your head 'why does this guy have three blogs?'

Allow me to enlighten you.

I started out with 'Me, Myself, and I' for the simple reason that I wanted to publish my writing...kinda. If you haven't been there, it's where I post some short stories and writing ideas and stuff pertaining to that. And that was all well and good, until...

...well, I started watching a whole lot more reviewers. I really liked them. I thought, 'You know what? I want to do that too'. Hence, this blog came into being. Of course, I also dump other stuff here, but this blog is mostly reviews.

And recently I started 'The Controversial Clown'. Why? Well, with the way this blog was exploded (in posts), I thought that I needed another place where I could rant about political and ethical stuff. I've been doing a lot of that in English class, but hey, why not do it on the Internet as well? And thus came The Controversial Clown.

I do hope you've enjoyed what you've seen so far, and if you haven't seen all of it, I encourage you to. I'm not just writing this stuff because it's fun, I want other people to evaluate it as well. Have a blast at all three places, guys!

Also, I'd like to really shout out to the people who've been doing this a lot longer than me, namely Clove and her circle of friends. You guys are awesome. Just...post more, please! I wanna reeeead!

Signing off, boys, girls, and others!

Master And Commander

Well ladies and gentleladies you're back, with yours truly.

Anybody like history? Is it just me? No? A couple of you?
Good. I really like reading through history, and one of my all-time favorite authors is G.A. Henty, a historical fiction writer. For those of you who don't know what historical fiction is, it's when an author creates a fictional character and puts them through an actual historical event. It's a great way to write because you have actual events that create a spine, and then a fictional character you can have fun with.

But enough about writing, we're here to look at a movie. How many of you have seen the movie Master and Commander?

-SPOILERS ALERT-
So, Master and Commander is about a British captain of the man-of-war HMS Surprise, a ship commissioned to venture across the Atlantic in pursuit of the French ship Acheron. Their orders: to intercept and destroy the Acheron, which is intent on going to the Pacific and bringing the war into those waters.

The plot of the movie is basically just them chasing the Acheron around until they finally catch it and take it. But what makes this movie really interesting is the character development. You have Jack Aubrey, the captain (termed 'lucky Jack' by his men) forced to make hard decisions. Should he make the better decision for his men (as Master), or for the mission (as Commander)? Hence the title. He comes across some very difficult situations and it is very nice to see how both the conflicting roles play out.

Of course, being done in the Napoleonic wars, there's a little stuff about 'tyranny' and 'revolution' which wasn't necessary but overall actually fleshes the plot out a little.
-END SPOILERS-

How was this movie, overall?
Great. You should definitely watch it. I'd even say it's worth owning, but your choice. The plot, while simple, works great. The dialogue is very well done and interesting, and there are a couple of very well done jokes. And the actor for the captain is RUSSEL CROWE, people. You know, the guy who was the main character in GLADIATOR? That EPIC movie?

Yeah. Give it a watch.

Signing off, gents!

When Life Gives You Lemons

Ladies and Gentlewomen, the moment has come. The day is finally here. The ultimate question shall be answered. The purpose of this blog shall be exposed, humanity enlightened, and the world shall forever be in awe at my wisdom. And I'll probably be in Hawaii by next month, so no emails please. Oh, and hand me that cocktail, baby. Yeaaah.

Where were we? Oh yes, reveling in my IQ. As I'm sure you puny humans have noticed, the title of this blog is 'When Life Gives You Lemons'. The post title is also, ironically, 'When Life Gives You Lemons'. And the URL is whenlifegivesyoustuff.blogspot.com because whenlifegivesyoulemons was already taken.

Ah, right. So, in the reading of my deep and philisophical label, the question must inevitably surface "When life gives you lemons...what do you do?"

For many centuries the topic of lemons has been debated, fought, and struggled over. General Robert. E. Lee just wanted to know why his last name started with the first two letters that also started 'lemon'. The French stole the sacred Lemon Tree of Heavenly Enlightenment from the Germans, and thus came the first world war. Hitler said his mustached looked like a lemon and Churchill disagreed, so Hitler declared war. The Vietnamese....well, they all look like lemons.

Ha ha, I'm so racist.

So...yes. What do you do when life gives you lemons? Prepare for the reveal of a lifetime, women and gents, for the answer is:

You make lemonade.

And...that's it. You can all go home now. The mystery has been disclosed. Life is complete. This blog has fulfilled its purpose.

...Unless you want to keep reading awesome reviews and rants written by yours truly, new every week (hopefully)! Signing off, gents and ladysmurfs!

Fanservice, Ladies and...Ladies

Any of you happen to be diehard anime fans? Then when I say 'Fanservice', you should know exactly what I'm talking about.

For those of you noobs who don't know, allow me to ruin what remains of your childhood. Fanservice is when, in anime, a character is sexually put forth for the satisfaction of those watchers who like that character. Mostly, this partains to female characters, but there are plenty of boytoys out there too.

As a pure observer, I can see why this happens. Anime does this to appeal to the audience, and thus get more money. They do it for profit.
Buuut, in a critical mindset, that's total BS (Butterfly Sandwiches, Constance, Butterfly Sandwiches). Ignore that inside joke. As I was saying, for critical people fanservice is just stupid. When anime does try to increase the sex appeal of a character it almost inevitably ends in detraction from that character's depth. It makes them shallow and simple, no matter how much anime might try and cover that up with plot. As a result, it detracts from the value of the anime as a whole.

Those of you who know me (hello, all three of you) know that I don't watch anime much, if at all. The reason for that is because my parent's don't allow it, and until I can fend for myself their word is law. BUT ninety percent of the reason they don't allow it is just what we're discussing - fanservice. (the other ten percent is language and bad morals) I hate fanservice. If it didn't exist I'd be watching a lot more anime, guaranteed.

Is there an anime without fanservice?......so far as I know, nope. The closest you might get would be Fate/Zero, but even it has a moment or two.
I HATE fanservice.
Shut up, anime. Just shut up! Shove all that filthy eye candy down your throat! BECOME something!! DDAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

So, G.I. Joe.

Haha, it rhymed.

Anyway, I recently watched said movie. Here's what I thought.

Anyone see the previous movie? If not, no sweat. I did a little research and found out it was widely regarded as a piece of...moldy cheese. So called because it was horribly cheesy.
Was this one the same?
Er...kinda.
Allow me to fill you in on the plot, so if you want to skip it then scroll down to the 'end spoilers' in all caps.

--SPOILERS ALERT--
So, this movie starts out with the 'G.I. Joe's' and, er...something about nuclear weapons? They're conducting some sort of raid because the president said...so. I dunno. Anyway, the president turns out to be a replacement of the original president and a member of G.I. Joe's archenemy, Cobra. How he managed the switch...eh...just go with it. So he frames them for the raid in the beginning and declares them rogue (whaat?....just go with it...I guess...) and so they are destroyed. In the process of destroying them Duke, the leader of the Joes, is killed. Three of his 'Joemates' survive and swear revenge. They find out the president's a fake, uncover a plot by Hydra to rule the world (of course!) and stop them.

So, problems with this movie. There's plenty of minor ones, but first of all, why did they kill Duke? His death has practically no impact. True, the Joes swear to avenge his death, but Duke is murdered alongside of a ton of other Joes. They've got plenty of motivation without a dead leader anyway. I guess they just really wanted to get rid of him...for some...reason?

Next - and this is actually probably a smaller problem - the entirety of London is obliterated in a demonstration of power by the Cobra commander. I mean completely obliterated. Wiped from the face of the planet. Apparently Cobra's secret weapon are 'rods' that have many times the power of a nuke. Okay, I can buy that...but why destroy London? It certainly proved a point...but everybody just ignores it. It isn't even talked about afterwards. WHAT?? You just destroyed one of the biggest metropolises in the world - a capitol, nonetheless, with millions of people - and no one even mentions it afterwards? I'm offended, movie, and I'm not even a Brit.

--END SPOILERS--
Lastly, it's just plain overdone. The acting is just plain cheesy at times and so is the action. It gets to the point of ludicrous stunts, most of which are due to Snake Eyes, whom I will pardon on account of his pure awesomeness. (Have you seen the guy? He could whip Chuck Norrisaldksajfoewiajfaowafesas........)

Ah, apologies. My head just got slammed into my keyboard by something. Moving on.

Despite its problems, I actually enjoyed the movie. The dialogue, while not stellar, was interesting and pretty funny at times. The action might have been overdone, but who doesn't like to revel in a bit of impossible fun once in a while? I mean, this movie had NINJAS in it. That in and of itself calls for some cool if a bit far-fetched stunts. It doesn't have the horrible reputation of its predecessor, and I can see why.
If you feel in the mood to watch this movie, I recommend renting or borrowing it. It's not good enough to own, but it certainly deserves a peek. Be warned, though - there is some swearing and one rather suggestive scene in it. Otherwise, it's fine.

Until next time this is yours truly signing off, folks!