Why I Don't Watch TV

Following the rules of English, the 'why' must have an explanation.

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason I don't watch TV.

I'MNOTAFATLAZYAMERICANIDIOTWHOLIKESBEINGACOUCHPOTATOANDHAVINGNOLIFEBECAUSEIMALWAYSHANGINGONTHENEXTHORRIBLETVSHOW.

*deep breath*

BESIDESTHOSESHOWSARENOGOODANYWAYSBECAUSETHEYHAVEHORRIBLEACTINGANDSPECIALEFFECTSANDBYTHEWAYZEROPERCENTOFTHEMARECHRISTIANANDHAVENOGOODOVERARCHINGMORALSANDTOADDTOTHATTHEFANGIRLISMOFTHEMISKILLINGME.

Yep.

I said all that in two breaths.
Eat my carbon dioxide, people.

Here's an example of something I'm sick and tired of hearing about.
Doctor Who.

Yeah, grab the bricks, the bombs, the tar and feathers. I hate the show, and I haven't even seen one episode.
I'M PROUD OF IT.

And here's the reason I won't ever watch the thing unless it's for capital punishment which won't happen anyway because I'm a good citizen but that's beside the point.
Fans.
Not fangirls, just fans.

They drive me nuts.
NUTS!
HEEEEHEEHEHAHAAA!!!
SANDWITCHES!

OOHHOOHAHAHA!!!
AAAHAAAAA! WALDO HAS COmE For my SOUL!!!

Hey wait-why're you-
oh, I never had a soul to begin with.
STARVE, WALDO. STARVE.

But yes, I hate Doctor Who. It's so good it's bad. If you know what I meheeheeen.
heehee.
hahee.
ha.