Day 1

MARCH 23:

7:00 a.m.: Alarm rings.

7:00:05 a.m.: Reach over and fumble for snooze button.

7:05 a.m.: Alarm rings.

7:05:05 a.m.: Smash alarm clock into four pieces and bury them in the corners of the earth.

7:30 a.m.: Realize you're still in bed.

8:00 a.m.: Get out of bed.

8:05 a.m.: Do devotions.

8:30 a.m.: Decide to exercise tomorrow.

8:45 a.m.: Eat breakfast.

9:00 a.m.: Decide how much time to waste today.

9:15 a.m.: Find out laptop has virus.

9:15:05 a.m.: Smash fist into laptop screen.

9:17 a.m.: Bandage bleeding knuckles and hook up monitor to laptop.

9:20 a.m.: Start school.

11:00 a.m.: Get off Facebook.

11:05 a.m.: Start school.

12:00 p.m.: Get off Facebook. Eat lunch.

12:30 p.m.: Finish lunch. Go to store.

2:00 p.m.: Come back from store.

2:05 p.m.: Plug in new alarm clock.

2:30 p.m.: Start school.

3:00 p.m.: Curse social media for its nonproductivity and swear never to use it again. Start school.

4:00 p.m.: Get off Facebook. Perform exorcism on laptop.

4:30 p.m.: Meteor demolishes satellite dish. Start school.

5:00 p.m.: Eat dinner.

6:00 p.m.: Family devotions.

8:00 p.m.: Finish school.

8:30 p.m.: Grounded for smashing laptop screen.

8:31 p.m.: Go outside. Since fist is already hurt, yell insults at dog.

8:35 p.m.: Dog starts yelling insults back at you.

8:35:30 p.m.: Decide you've been on Facebook too much today.

8:36 p.m.: Remember you have term paper due tomorrow.

10:00 p.m.: Finish term paper. Stumble to bed and collapse.

10:01 p.m.: Forgot to brush teeth.

10:01:05 p.m.: Screw it.

10:02 p.m.: Lie in bed and contemplate the meaning of life.

11:00 p.m.: Can't fall asleep.

11:01 p.m.: Get up and brush teeth.

11:05 p.m.: Fall asleep.

8:00 a.m.: Wake up.

8:00:30 a.m.: Wonder why alarm clock hasn't rung yet.

8:01 a.m.: Look over to see smashed alarm clock.

8:02 a.m.: Check phone. Date says March 23.