Monday, April 18, 2016

Star Wars, The Force Awakens: Extended Review Edition

So I watched The Force Awakens again, and I have some more things to complain about.
Namely, the First Order.

They're pretty terrible villains because much of what they do makes no sense.

SPOILER ALERT


Herpaderp #1: The Very First Scene
The First Order interrupts Po's little meeting with le random old guy and proceeds to flood it with pristine white armor and shiny red blaster bolts. They kill all the villagers, because, well, they're evil, and they blow up Po's ship to boot.

Why it makes no sense:
Shouldn't these villagers be interrogated about Luke's whereabouts before murdering them? It's possible they could have some information about it, however slim that chance is. And why blow up Po's X-wing? You could probably have gained valuable information from his navigational records, like the location of the Resistance base. Also, Kylo Ren, why didn't you try your little mind-reading technique on the old dude? You could have at least taken him along, just in case you couldn't break Po or find BB-8.


Herpaderp #2: Jakku
Once again, stormtroopers are sent in guns blazing to retrieve BB-8. They, of course, are stormtroopers, and thus miss everything. So they call in an airstrike. Can't miss if your shots have a ten-square-foot area of lethality, right?

Why it makes no sense:
Aren't you trying to catch BB-8, not destroy him? Why then would you call in an airstrike?? Call me cautious, but it seems to me like you're running a high chance of destroying what you're after.


Herpaderp #3: Starkiller Base Fires
The First Order's giant planetary Death Star 3.0 is ready to fire, and where else would they fire it but right at the heart of the Republic? Resistance sympathizing scum!

Why it makes no sense:
First, why are there three factions in this movie - the Resistance, the Republic, and the First Order? The Republic is very obviously sided with the Resistance...so why does the 'Resistance' have to exist at all? Why can't it simply be the Republic vs. the First Order?
But let's give the benefit of the doubt, and say that for some reason, the Republic is afraid of openly declaring war on the First Order...or something. Why then does the First Order blow up a whole system, basically destroying the Republic government? First of all, you're destabilizing a sizeable chunk of the galactic economy and stability by destroying trillions of lives and several centers of commerce and politics. It's just going to cause you more trouble if you take advantage of the chaos to take over the galaxy.
Even back in Episode IV, when the Death Star destroyed Alderaan, that had large impacts in the economy and society that rippled out for years afterwards. It was manageable, because it was just one planet, but a whole system that is central to galactic economics and politics? Shortsighted.


Herpaderp #4: Moz's Place
The First Order gets a tip-off that BB-8 is on whichever planet Moz's place is on, and so they fly in, guns a-blazing. We're the First Order and we kick behind; worship our shiny armor and TIE fighters!

Why it makes no sense:
Once again, why do they go in guns blazing? You're trying to retrieve one, tiny little fragile droid; there's a good chance your scare tactics are just going to end up destroying it. You really haven't put any money towards studying target infiltration and extraction, have you?
Also, destroying Moz's place is a pretty bad political move, as Han notes it's been around for quite a bit (a thousand years or so, I think he said). It's basically politically neutral, and there's no way destroying it is going to go unnoticed by the galaxy at large. I mean, you did just destroy the Republic, but you're not really making things much easier for your inevitable galactic annexation, are you?


Herpaderp #5: The Resistance Infiltration of Starkiller Base
The First Order has spent millions of credits on their magnificent superweapon, embedded into a planet and capable of destroying multiple planets at once. So naturally, it took some serious skills for a small Resistance team to infiltrate it. What an outrage!

Why it makes no sense:
Hey, First Order, have you ever heard of this really awesome technology called security cameras? Your awesome base obviously took a lot to construct, so how come you neglected to install those? It would have been crazily easy to locate Rey after her escape, or Han and his buddies when they got in. You could have sounded the alarm and everything...
Speaking of sounding alarms, why didn't Phasma? If stormtroopers are conditioned from a very young age to be loyal to the First Order, how come Phasma just lets Han, Fin, and Chewie intimidate her into lowering the shields to Starkiller Base? She could have flat-out refused, or secretly triggered an alarm or something. This is what happens when you make budget cuts, First Order. Instead of obedient clone troopers you've got these newbie 'volunteers' going haywire.

END SPOILERS

A lot of these points are answered in the Star Wars Wookiepedia, but that doesn't really excuse the movie from not explaining them, just how the fact that the expanded universe explains things better doesn't excuse the fact that the prequels were bad.

Anyway. It's still a good movie overall. Peace out.