So, all, greetings.
Hello.
Let's see...what was this about again?
Oh, oh yeah, that.
So many of you already know that When Life Gives You Lemons, make lemonade. But of course, life gives you a lot of other junk too.
How about 'When Life Throws You A Curveball and It Smacks You In The Face?'
Well, my baseball coach (from the good ol' days when I...played baseball *sniff*) always would jump all over us when we got beaned (baseball jargon for being hit with the baseball). "Shake it off, shake it off!" He'd yell, doing his version of Gangnam Style before it existed...
Anyway, this phrase doesn't just apply to baseball. When you get hit by anything, be it a physical or emotional injury, the best thing to do is to "Shake it off, shake it off!" or else you run the risk of getting bogged down in depression.
I've always thought that the funny side of life is the best. Why mope around when there's so much stuff to laugh at? You don't even have to be creative; look around! Humanity (while depraved and sinful) is hilarious! The government is hysterical! The news is just hahahahahaha!!!!!
Laugh! EVERYBODY LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHHAAHAAAA!
Okay, all right, I'll calm down. I didn't really mean to sound like the Joker there. Really. Realleehee. Hee.
That being said, there's certainly times to be serious and stuff. Some things you just can't, won't, and shouldn't joke about. And I can be serious when I need to be.
But come on! You can't seriously be being serious all the time, seriously?
"Why so serious?"
Oh by the way, God has a sense of humor. So seeing the funny side ain't bad, as long as you aren't stepping into the no-zones of joking. Don't believe me? Here's a few words for ya:
-Platypus
-1 Cor. 1:27
-You
-Me
-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
*Facedesk*
*Facewall*
You know, if I keep this up, I'll start looking like those expensive luxury cats.
Then again, cats are in style on the internet...
*Facewall*
*Facefloor*
On second thought, I think my face likes itself un-smushed.
So people, it's time for a little talk about social networking, AKA Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Earth, Moon, Mars, yeah.
When I take a shower, I am not going to talk about this because it is private and is not necessary for posting to a social network. Savvy? Now all you instagram hipsters can go back to the 80's, when people were stupid before it was cool. Go on, run! There's a bag of Cheetos, way way out there! Go get 'em!
Are they gone?
All right. Here's what not to post on Facebook. Post anything else and hallelujah, amen, you are dismissed. Thank you for existing.
1. Food
You may think that chocolate strawberry banana kiwi apple broccoli liver stone soup was heavenly. Good for you. Don't post something like that and get my mouth watering too. I'll just be disappointed when I find out I don't have anything near as awesome.
2. Selfies
Now selfies aren't that bad. Two thousand selfies, on the other hand, is an eensy bit extravagant. And for the record: good selfies are when you're looking into your camera and smiling. Bad selfies are when you're standing in front of your bathroom mirror holding your phone. You look like you're texting anyway and you certainly aren't looking at the camera lens. And clean up your bathroom, dude. No one wants to see that.
3. Vague posts
"Oh my goodness I will never forgive you. You wrecked my life. Have fun breaking people's hearts. I hate you."
Well. First of all, you're twelve. Second of all, what? Third of all, nobody cares.
4. Begging for attention
"Like for Naruto! Comment for Obama! Ignore for JB!"
All hail the king of Facebook, Justin Beiber.
5. Save the starving children in Africa
Or...any political people as well. "like if you hate people attacking the second amendment!" Well, I may not like people attacking the 2nd amendment, but I'm afraid that Obama will not buckle under the million likes your status is totally going to get. Nor will starving children in Africa be able to eat them. Life is cruel.
6. Deep
Cousins to the 'vague' posts. Say something blow-your-mind inspirational...except it didn't blow my mind, and I'm just annoyed you burned that many calories typing such a useless message. Plus, what?
7. Cultural annotations
"Cool story, bro" "YOLO" "Swag" "#hashtag". You know what? That comeback was so lame smokers be like 'yo, you need a joint, man'. YODO too, buddy. Swag is from heaven and will most definitely make you a CEO and produce money out of thin air. And keep that pointless tag in Pointless Land, not social media.
8. Exercise
This goes with 'do you even lift?' You know what, people? I'm so glad your exercise is fruitful. You obviously needed it. You can even post a 'before' and 'after' picture. But the last thing we want to hear is how you walked the Appalachian trail in thirty minutes, pausing to tour DC halfway up. It makes us feel like lazy idiots for being on Facebook. Way to help our self-esteem. Now go eat your pulsing meal with more than 90% vitamins and 5 carbs. Run off and do your five-hour jog. I need another bag of Doritos.
You know, I feel like there should be more than eight. There probably is. Now these are based on Facebook, but they apply to any social media network. Don't, I repeat, Do not post these, and I will love you forever, O person worthy of spending time on the internet.
Yolo.
You On Leaf, Obviously.
*Facewall*
You know, if I keep this up, I'll start looking like those expensive luxury cats.
Then again, cats are in style on the internet...
*Facewall*
*Facefloor*
On second thought, I think my face likes itself un-smushed.
So people, it's time for a little talk about social networking, AKA Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Earth, Moon, Mars, yeah.
When I take a shower, I am not going to talk about this because it is private and is not necessary for posting to a social network. Savvy? Now all you instagram hipsters can go back to the 80's, when people were stupid before it was cool. Go on, run! There's a bag of Cheetos, way way out there! Go get 'em!
Are they gone?
All right. Here's what not to post on Facebook. Post anything else and hallelujah, amen, you are dismissed. Thank you for existing.
1. Food
You may think that chocolate strawberry banana kiwi apple broccoli liver stone soup was heavenly. Good for you. Don't post something like that and get my mouth watering too. I'll just be disappointed when I find out I don't have anything near as awesome.
2. Selfies
Now selfies aren't that bad. Two thousand selfies, on the other hand, is an eensy bit extravagant. And for the record: good selfies are when you're looking into your camera and smiling. Bad selfies are when you're standing in front of your bathroom mirror holding your phone. You look like you're texting anyway and you certainly aren't looking at the camera lens. And clean up your bathroom, dude. No one wants to see that.
3. Vague posts
"Oh my goodness I will never forgive you. You wrecked my life. Have fun breaking people's hearts. I hate you."
Well. First of all, you're twelve. Second of all, what? Third of all, nobody cares.
4. Begging for attention
"Like for Naruto! Comment for Obama! Ignore for JB!"
All hail the king of Facebook, Justin Beiber.
5. Save the starving children in Africa
Or...any political people as well. "like if you hate people attacking the second amendment!" Well, I may not like people attacking the 2nd amendment, but I'm afraid that Obama will not buckle under the million likes your status is totally going to get. Nor will starving children in Africa be able to eat them. Life is cruel.
6. Deep
Cousins to the 'vague' posts. Say something blow-your-mind inspirational...except it didn't blow my mind, and I'm just annoyed you burned that many calories typing such a useless message. Plus, what?
7. Cultural annotations
"Cool story, bro" "YOLO" "Swag" "#hashtag". You know what? That comeback was so lame smokers be like 'yo, you need a joint, man'. YODO too, buddy. Swag is from heaven and will most definitely make you a CEO and produce money out of thin air. And keep that pointless tag in Pointless Land, not social media.
8. Exercise
This goes with 'do you even lift?' You know what, people? I'm so glad your exercise is fruitful. You obviously needed it. You can even post a 'before' and 'after' picture. But the last thing we want to hear is how you walked the Appalachian trail in thirty minutes, pausing to tour DC halfway up. It makes us feel like lazy idiots for being on Facebook. Way to help our self-esteem. Now go eat your pulsing meal with more than 90% vitamins and 5 carbs. Run off and do your five-hour jog. I need another bag of Doritos.
You know, I feel like there should be more than eight. There probably is. Now these are based on Facebook, but they apply to any social media network. Don't, I repeat, Do not post these, and I will love you forever, O person worthy of spending time on the internet.
Yolo.
You On Leaf, Obviously.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Thou Shalt Listen To These
If you're someone who likes listening to music a lot (meaning...if you're a teen), then no doubt you have your own favorite genres.
Oh hey, I said 'music'. And 'genres'. Obviously I am obligated to insert annoying prompt to visit recent post via this hyperlink - a;sldkfja;owiejfadfhurgbeaissss.
If you are any sort of civilized being at all, you know what a soundtrack is. And you've listened to some. And there are some absolutely stunning ones out there.
So now, I'm going to insert a bunch of youtube links to instrumentals that require watching/listening, and if you don't....
If....you don't......
Something.
Something bad.
Yeah.
Oh hey, I said 'music'. And 'genres'. Obviously I am obligated to insert annoying prompt to visit recent post via this hyperlink - a;sldkfja;owiejfadfhurgbeaissss.
If you are any sort of civilized being at all, you know what a soundtrack is. And you've listened to some. And there are some absolutely stunning ones out there.
So now, I'm going to insert a bunch of youtube links to instrumentals that require watching/listening, and if you don't....
If....you don't......
Something.
Something bad.
Yeah.
Just...just...
Hallelujah. Amen. You are dismissed.
Oh, Hans Zimmer. Y U make such awesome music.
It's Epic, It's Dramatic, Ladies and Gentlemen...
It's Two Steps From Hell!
Yet again, an epic instrumental by TSFH
The music of the Batman series certainly has its own flavor...
this one is no different.
It would be madness not to have SOMETHING from Lotr on here -
so here you go.
This is...just...pirate-y. And awesome. Yeah.
And another TSFH. Can't get enough of these guys.
Perhaps not as heart-pounding as the previous -
but I genuinely appreciate the sad, soft tone this has.
Now, ladies and Gents, I hope you've taken the well-used time to listen to all of the above. There's more, but I don't want to be cutting into your schoolwork. So GET BACK TO SCHOOL. And get all these songs later.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Star Wars, MassiveMessup
Well, it's been awhile.
Here we are again. And this time I'm going to be pounding into dust one of my favorite franchises of all time: Star Wars, mainly episodes 1, 2, and 3.
But mostly episode 3.
It'd been a long time since I first watched this, and I vividly remember the first time I watched it. I nearly cried.
But that was only because I was mindlessly absorbing and accepting the information it was spitting at me, and so I couldn't process the errors happening in every. Single. Scene.
Let's get into it. --Spoilers Alert--
So, we start out with Anaki-wait, hold on. We start out with two planes in SPAAAACE flying into a huge battle.
Assuming I've never watched Star Wars before,
WHAT IS GOING ON???
WHOA! BATTLES! FIGHTING! EXPLOOOOSIONS! THIS IS THE DEEPEST START TO A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEEEEN!
Oh, okay. So these guys called 'Anakin' and 'Obi-Wan' are flying to try and rescue Chancellor...why? What happened? Where are they, anyway?
Right, this isn't working. If you haven't watched Star Wars before, then you need to start at the beginning. Moving on.
So Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi rescue Chancellor Palpatine from General Grevious (because he was kidnapped in the most daring exploit of the Separatists ever. I got that from a book, they don't explain that in the movie; also, General Grevious is the commander of the Seperatist army. They don't explain that in the movie either).
They rescue him and in the process kill Count Dooku, whom you'd know if you watched episode 2. The fight is stupid, short, and not very complicated. I could have choreographed it better. No joke. In the book, it's very complex and interesting. It ends up with Anakin chopping his head off, Obi-Wan getting knocked unconscious, and them trying to escape General Grevious's ship. The ship is damaged from the battle, and starts plummeting towards Coruscant below. Anakin manages to land the thing (which is supposed to be impossible, but they don't mention that in the movie; in the book, it's treated as a very skillful act) and tadaa, they're safe.
Follow a long sequence of cuts between Yoda on Kashyyyk, Obi-Wan fighting Grevious on Utapau, and Anakin talking us to death on Coruscant.
The movie culminates in the epic battles between Yoda and Darth Sidious on Coruscant, and Obi-Wan and Anakin on Mustafar. Anakin is bad, Jedi are annihilated, Empire is formed, Padme dies, yada yada episode 4.
--End Spoilers--
So what's wrong with this movie? Mainly, the problem is that they don't explain things. Even if you're a Star Wars fan, you need to have considerable background knowledge to know just what is going on. I do happen to have that knowledge, so I could enjoy the movie to its fullest extent.
But beside that, it's just badly written. The dialogue is what I like to call 'deeeerrrrp' - where characters say things were you just can't help but yell "Thanks, Captain Obvious!"
The characters are fairly one-dimensional, save for perhaps Obi-Wan...perhaps. Again, though, they're only one-dimensional if you're just looking at the movie, and haven't read the books or happen to know JUST WHAT IS GOING ON.
The plot....is also not great. It could work, if episodes 4-6 weren't already written; but they are, so episodes 1-3 have to set the scene. They do, but not ideally.
Again, I have to say, if you haven't read the books, and don't know backstories and whatnot, then you're in the dark. The movies won't make sense otherwise.
Thank heavens for fanfiction.
And please, Disney, don't mess it up.
Here we are again. And this time I'm going to be pounding into dust one of my favorite franchises of all time: Star Wars, mainly episodes 1, 2, and 3.
But mostly episode 3.
It'd been a long time since I first watched this, and I vividly remember the first time I watched it. I nearly cried.
But that was only because I was mindlessly absorbing and accepting the information it was spitting at me, and so I couldn't process the errors happening in every. Single. Scene.
Let's get into it. --Spoilers Alert--
So, we start out with Anaki-wait, hold on. We start out with two planes in SPAAAACE flying into a huge battle.
Assuming I've never watched Star Wars before,
WHAT IS GOING ON???
WHOA! BATTLES! FIGHTING! EXPLOOOOSIONS! THIS IS THE DEEPEST START TO A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEEEEN!
Oh, okay. So these guys called 'Anakin' and 'Obi-Wan' are flying to try and rescue Chancellor...why? What happened? Where are they, anyway?
Right, this isn't working. If you haven't watched Star Wars before, then you need to start at the beginning. Moving on.
So Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi rescue Chancellor Palpatine from General Grevious (because he was kidnapped in the most daring exploit of the Separatists ever. I got that from a book, they don't explain that in the movie; also, General Grevious is the commander of the Seperatist army. They don't explain that in the movie either).
They rescue him and in the process kill Count Dooku, whom you'd know if you watched episode 2. The fight is stupid, short, and not very complicated. I could have choreographed it better. No joke. In the book, it's very complex and interesting. It ends up with Anakin chopping his head off, Obi-Wan getting knocked unconscious, and them trying to escape General Grevious's ship. The ship is damaged from the battle, and starts plummeting towards Coruscant below. Anakin manages to land the thing (which is supposed to be impossible, but they don't mention that in the movie; in the book, it's treated as a very skillful act) and tadaa, they're safe.
Follow a long sequence of cuts between Yoda on Kashyyyk, Obi-Wan fighting Grevious on Utapau, and Anakin talking us to death on Coruscant.
The movie culminates in the epic battles between Yoda and Darth Sidious on Coruscant, and Obi-Wan and Anakin on Mustafar. Anakin is bad, Jedi are annihilated, Empire is formed, Padme dies, yada yada episode 4.
--End Spoilers--
So what's wrong with this movie? Mainly, the problem is that they don't explain things. Even if you're a Star Wars fan, you need to have considerable background knowledge to know just what is going on. I do happen to have that knowledge, so I could enjoy the movie to its fullest extent.
But beside that, it's just badly written. The dialogue is what I like to call 'deeeerrrrp' - where characters say things were you just can't help but yell "Thanks, Captain Obvious!"
The characters are fairly one-dimensional, save for perhaps Obi-Wan...perhaps. Again, though, they're only one-dimensional if you're just looking at the movie, and haven't read the books or happen to know JUST WHAT IS GOING ON.
The plot....is also not great. It could work, if episodes 4-6 weren't already written; but they are, so episodes 1-3 have to set the scene. They do, but not ideally.
Again, I have to say, if you haven't read the books, and don't know backstories and whatnot, then you're in the dark. The movies won't make sense otherwise.
Thank heavens for fanfiction.
And please, Disney, don't mess it up.
Friday, October 4, 2013
The Root of All Weevils
Money is time, time is money. Therefore time=money, correct?
Time's kind of precious.
There's also something called 'waste not, want not'.
Guess who isn't doing either?
AMERICA!
Yeah, you all are probably sick of how many literary missiles I've fired at our government. Ha ha, here's another one. The debt ceiling.
Look up. You see that star, way way out there? No, not that one, the one that's further than that one. Yeah, that.
Multiply that by a billion.
And again.
Aaand one more time for good measure.
If you took America's debt, transmuted it into pennies, and stacked those pennies one after the other into the sky...
You see where I'm going with this?
Of course you don't, I'm already way too far away. Say hi from the Hapan cluster, will ya?
Let's, hmm, apply some common sense here. If you owe someone money, are you going to keep borrowing from them at a higher rate than you're paying the money back?
"Derrrr, this ers 'Murica dude, that'sh what we do."
If I had to choose between crushing debt or a somewhat average - below average style of living, guess where I'm standing.
Waaaaaaay up there in the stars, because 'Murica! Duuurrrrrrrrrrr.
Time's kind of precious.
There's also something called 'waste not, want not'.
Guess who isn't doing either?
AMERICA!
Yeah, you all are probably sick of how many literary missiles I've fired at our government. Ha ha, here's another one. The debt ceiling.
Look up. You see that star, way way out there? No, not that one, the one that's further than that one. Yeah, that.
Multiply that by a billion.
And again.
Aaand one more time for good measure.
If you took America's debt, transmuted it into pennies, and stacked those pennies one after the other into the sky...
You see where I'm going with this?
Of course you don't, I'm already way too far away. Say hi from the Hapan cluster, will ya?
Let's, hmm, apply some common sense here. If you owe someone money, are you going to keep borrowing from them at a higher rate than you're paying the money back?
"Derrrr, this ers 'Murica dude, that'sh what we do."
If I had to choose between crushing debt or a somewhat average - below average style of living, guess where I'm standing.
Waaaaaaay up there in the stars, because 'Murica! Duuurrrrrrrrrrr.
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