City of Ember: Review

Today a review of the above-mentioned title. Er....obviously.

SPOILERS ALERT

'City of Ember' is  about a fictional (duh) city underground, built by...a bunch of people to escape...something. It is powered by a huge generator that sustains the entire city.

(City of Ember view from above: the generator is the black dot in the middle)

What most people don't know, or have forgotten, is that the builders built a decay rate of 200 years into the generator, so that after two centuries the generator would go out and Ember would be dead. After the 200 years runs out, the city begins experiencing blackouts.

Here we meet our protagonists, Dune and Lisa. They are teens and just old enough to begin work, and thus they attend a ceremony much like the one in Divergent. Except they pick their job descriptions out of a hat.

Genius. Did I mention these are all government jobs? Figures.

Lisa is chosen for the venerable job of working in the Pipeworks. Dune gets the esteemed job of Messenger. Being dissatisfied with their jobs, they switch afterwards. And so they go to work.

However as time progresses, the blackouts become more and more lengthy. Concerned with this phenomenon, Dune decides something must be wrong with the generator. 

Meanwhile, Luna discovers a box made by the builders of Ember that contains directions to escape the city once the power runs out. It has been passed down and all but forgotten, until she finds it and makes the alarming discovery about the truth of Ember's decay, and the way out.

Luna and Dune begin to search for the exit. Along the way, they find out that the mayor of Ember is corrupt, and has been hoarding food in a safe room to sit out the city's blackouts. He doesn't appear to want to accept that Emberlight is fading. Sounds like he's swimming in Egypt, people, because he is in DeNile.

They escape the mayor's clutches and begin pursuing the exit with a vengeance, now wanted kids. Oh, did I mention that the insects and animals underground have now mutated into a huge-r version of themselves? They don't really talk about it all that much, but they do run into this huge mole. Ick is all I'll say. Said mole does devour the mayor, though, so kudos for that.

But turns out they do find the way out. They discover the sun, the world, and everything is amazing. They also find a crack that allows them to look down on the city of Ember that's far, far below. So they drop a rock with the message about the exit to the people down there, and...the end.

What did  I think?
Well, to be honest, I thought this movie was going to be mediocre at best. But as it went on, I actually got pretty interested in the plot. The characters weren't that developed, as this movie was fully advanced by the storyline. But still, it made for a nice watch. If I had to rate it on a scale of 1 - 10, I'd probably give it a 6. Not stellar, but not too bad either. The dialogue was fine, the characters - while 1D - were also fine, and the plot was pretty good.

Of course, there were a few plotholes. The main one I'll mention is the fact that they never tell you why Ember was built. There's no reason. "The good of mankind" is the closest they get to an explanation, but otherwise...movie logic.
It's rated PG, by the way, so there is practically nothing bad. No cursing, no kissing (which I was surprised at, given there's an unrelated guy and girl as the two main protagonists), and no blood or anything. This is mainly drama. And it should be totally clean for kids to watch.
Overall, I wouldn't really recommend renting it, though. You can, if you're really desperate for something to watch, but borrowing it from your local library - if they have it - is probably your best bet. Signing off, ladies gents and others!

More Stuff Thou Shalt Listen To

Earlier this year, I posted a bunch of songs that were some of the best ever composed, in my opinion. Here, I'm giving you some more; these songs are some that I especially like to listen to while writing. Not to say that I don't listen to the others while writing too, but these I listen to more.

The original Batman score was, in my opinion, the best; it focused more on instrumentals and didn't have as much added effects as the later two movies.

Clash of the Titans: epic, epic soundtrack. Is up in the top ten of my favorite list.

The Last Samurai and the Batman series have some of the best sad music ever. This track combines sadness with action, making it an extreme 'must listen' on my list.

'Unbreakable' by one of my favorite Christian rock bands, Fireflight. This song combines despair, determination, and hope all at the same time. There's a reason it's got such a good rating.

'Get Back' by another of my favorite Christian bands, Nine Lashes. This song is a jumpy, get-out-of-your-seat and fight something song.

'Stay Close' again by Fireflight. I really need to buy the album by these guys. Such wow. Much amaze. So musical. Many applause. *doge*

I will leave you with this song, which is performed in the credits scene of the first Hobbit movie. Love it.


Well, I hope you enjoy listening. You're on break at the moment, so I EXPECT YOU TO LISTEN TO ALL OF THEM. Unless, of course, you have 2 GB of downloadable memory each month, like I do. Have fun, and I hope te gusta!

Reaper's Safety Session: Electricity

Zzzat zat kicha kicha vvvvv vvvv!

kaakakaka icy icy dum dum batz!

Hello one, hello all, today we're going to discuss that all-important issue that helps keep this world in overpopulation: safety.
Topic? ZAP.

Uh...I mean electricity.

A lot of people know instinctually that electricity is not very...shall we say, friendly to humans. At least not in its natural form, untamed and unharnessed. Of course, we advanced humans have found a way to use electricity to do many, many things, the majority of which are useful. Then, of course, there's shock therapy and the fact that by producing electricity we pollute the atmosphere. And that we're completely reliant on it.

Here's a few tips for handling yourself around electricity.

1. Don't touch uninsulated wires. By this I mean wires where you can see the metal that makes them up. Zap zap twitcha twicha, mother seal! DANCE!!!

2. Be careful when handling any metal around an electric source. There's a reason lightning is attracted to lightning rods, genius. Unless you want to become a towering pillar of charred flesh, wear rubber gloves or somethin'.

3. Have backups in case your electricity goes out. If your electricity goes out, all of a sudden you're back in the Stone Age. If you have a gas-heated system, thumbs up. If you have a solar-powered system, thumbs-up. We need more people like you. Or, you can just huddle around your candle desperately trying to cook your hot dog and stay warm at the same time. Good luck, kid from Africa.

4. Don't play around telephone wires and/or circuit breakers. Touch a telly wire and zap zap twitch twicha, mother seal! HAHAHAHAHAA!!

5. Learn how your house electricity system works. Who knows, you might be in the house alone when something goes dark. You're instantly plunged into a horror movie situation. Do you: a. Get the French out of there or b. Fix the lights and then get the French out of there or c. Sit down, try not to cry, cry a lot?

Want my advice?

GET THE FRENCH OUT OF THERE!!!

BECAUSE THE ELECTRICITY'S OUT TO GET YOU...ZAP ZAP TWITCHA TWICHA MOTHAH SEAL!!! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Question Everything

Hey, everybody. It's been quite a while, I feel.

I have several excuses, promise! Finals...er, finals, and...finals...
Yes.
But also, I've been working a lot on this new writing project with some friends, and it's also been occupying a lot of my free time: check it out at roleplayingproject.blogspot.com. This is also why I haven't posted any writing for a while, but I soon will be, hopefully.

But yes yes, down to business. You may have noticed the title of this post, if you are meticulous enough to read two hundred size font; you may have actually read what it said. Overachiever. *brofist*


We live through a large portion of our life believing what we are taught. It's natural. It's the reason you, as a small child, believe that angels are naked babies, Obama is from heaven, or perhaps Santa is real.
(Oops, I think I gave it away. Cover your eyes, it's okay! He's...semi-real!)

But as we grow older, it is also natural (or...it should be) to question the things we are taught. Anything we are taught deserves questioning; is it based solidly? Is there a good reason? Should I really believe in it?
Of course, there are some things that we accept as unquestioned because we feel certain about them through personal experience. We know left from right. We know that twelve inches is a foot. We know that certain foods are good and some are bad. These are natural standards.

What about the things we begin to see as we grow older, though? The culture we live in constantly bombards us with things expected of people our age through books, songs, TV, movies, politics, news, whatever. We can't just accept these things for granted, otherwise you might become one of those penniless, mush-minded teens who thinks that 'swag' is gonna pay the bills, and you totally don't need anything else.
Question everything. When I say 'Everything', I mean it. I'm not excluding anything. Even those things you think are amazing, awesome, and go doey-eyed whenever you think about it, question; why do you react to it that way? What makes you like it so much? You may be surprised to find what the answer was.

One of the things I want to focus on mainly is popular...anything. Anything that is popular has a reason it's popular. I find that ninety percent of the time, it's not a good reason.
There's a reason I critique even the things I like. For you who may not know, I'm a huge Star Wars geek. I have read tons of Star Wars literature, and I own all the movies (plus almost all the extra material you can get with them). Same thing with Lord of the Rings. Yet, I look at them, and I can see that they have their own problems. Just because you like something a lot doesn't mean it's perfect. By no means! Question it, examine it, find a good reason to like it.

Often, you may have to find reasons for the reasons. That's okay; go way back. Hit the root of the 'reason(s)'. I find that many people just watch, read, or listen to something and go 'Heeeey, me gusta.' and don't think much further into it. They become fans of something and if someone dare-eth to poke at it with a critical finger, they pounce on them mercilessly.

That being said, there's another side to this coin. If you start questioning things, make sure you don't just pick at whatever you can grab at. Especially if you're examining something you inherently don't like. You need to find good reasons you don't like that thing. Don't just cherrypick stuff out of thin air.

Phew! Long and philosophical post. Anyway. Have fun finishing finals, you people. Slog on. There's a light at the end of the tunnel; it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...and break! Woot woot!
Hasta la vista, readers.

Reaper's Safety Session: People

Hello one, hello all, and welcome to another of my HAHEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Today we're AHHAEHFEEAHFHSIRGHIDNSFVNSasckfdjine.cdsvc..as.vf..................

Today we're going to discuss that all-important issue that helps keep this world in overpopulation: safety.
Topic? HUMANS.

*shudder*

Help, I'm scared, I don't want to write this...the horror, the darkness, the walls are closing in, heeeeelp!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Here's *pant* a few *pant* tips for staying safe around these toxic beings.

1. Always wear a gas mask. Humans emit horrible scents, ranging from women's perfume to man's perfume, or BO. As you like it. Or don't! It's bad. Plus people tend to stay away from those who cover their face. Which is why we're suspicious of Muslims.

2. Bring a little bell with you wherever you go. As you walk around, constantly jangle it yelling "Unclean! Unclean!" Wear heavy, dark clothing.

3. Watch out for human children. These little insects zip around stores and public places, carrying even more toxins than the adults. Don't let their alleged cuteness fool you; they're all he-devils and she-devils in disguise. Bring a flamethrower just to be sure.

4. Keep on a lookout for people with sagging pants. Their idiocy is so contagious it has a name: swag. On a scale of one to stupid, they're off the charts.

5. Shy away from all pop culture, including fashion, music, art, etc. If you're not careful, you could become on of the thousands of people who voted for Obama.

6. Be a hermit. Safety in solitude, my great-grandaunt always said. She left about ten years ago, and we haven't heard from her since. She must be hid real good for a ninety-year-old.

7. Burn your lawn, malnourish your trees, and hang warning signs all over your yard and house. You'll blend in so well people won't even come near your place. Guaranteed.

8. Just in case they do, install machine-gun nests in your windows. A grenade launcher on the roof wouldn't go amiss, either. And shotgun ammo, you can never have enough shotgun ammo.

*pant*

This *pant* should help a little with keeping safe from these horrifying beings. Stay safe, my friends.

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! OFFGERROFFGERROFFF! MOVEMOVEMOVEMOVEMOVE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! *flame flame flammenwerfer!!! HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAA!

Reaper's Safety Session: Guns

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG BAAAAAANG!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I LOVE IT! Hey guys, come join me! There's like, fifty zombies over here! Their heads explode when you hit them - it's like House of the Dead, just...a HUNDRED TIMES MORE AWESOME!! HAHAHAHAAA!!

For reasons I care not about, you people can have guns here in 'Murica, land of the free and home of the politically brilliant, I'm sure.

So let's settle down and have a talk about that all-important issue that we need to keep this world in overpopulation: safety.
Topic?
GUNS.

*smash*, *smash*
Hey, uh, excuse me for a second. I think I hear some crazy extreme liberals trying to confiscate my guns. Too bad they didn't bring any.
*bang* *bang*

Here's a few tips to handling your Old Betsy:

1. Never ever ever point the gun at other people unless you plan on using it on them. What, you think they're designed to, I dunno, kill someone? Psh naaaaah.

2. Don't ever look down the barrel with your bare eye. First, load it. Click the safety off. Then put some glasses on, stare down that sucker, and pull the trigger like a man. Everything turns white for a millisecond, it's awesome.

3. Always carry the gun pointed down at the ground or up in the air. Birds don't mind, promise. And neither do your toes.

4. Keep the old girl clean and shiny. Rust and corrosion are a no-no. Unless you have an AK-47. Them things shoot anywhere, anyhow. Except under bad grammar.

5. Practice, practice, practice. You're not turning into Daniel Boone overnight. Especially since you shot your eye out, idiot. What, you think I would seriously condone hurting yourself? Sadist.

6. Remember to not violate open season for animals, except for the criminal. They're always under open season. Good luck hitting anything with that eye.


Aaand that's it, ladies and gentlemen. Excuse me, those liberals are somehow still alive.

*bang bang* HAHAHAHAHAAA YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE THIS HOUSE ALIVE, YOU FIRRIST FREAKS!AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

Pacific Rim - Review

Around its release, this movie got a lot of hype. I've been on the internet long enough to judge movies based on their hype, and from what I heard this movie wasn't so bad.

Turns out I was right, kinda. Sorta. Maybe.


SPOILERS ALERT

'Pacific Rim' is an alien/apocalypse movie. Yup, another one. Seem to be getting a lot of those lately, huh? Don't believe me? *Coughavengerscough*

I really don't want to summarize this movie myself, so cue Wikipedia:

In 2013, human cities come under attack by the Kaijus: colossal beasts who come through an interdimensional portal on the Pacific Ocean floor. To combat them, the Pacific Rim nations build the Jaegers: equally colossal humanoid war machines. Each Jaeger is piloted by two people whose brains are linked to share the overwhelming mental load of operating the machine. The Jaegers are initially effective, but many are destroyed as the Kaijus grow more powerful and their attacks more frequent. In 2025, the involved governments deem the Jaeger program unviable, and discontinue it in favor of building massive coastal walls to protect humanity from the Kaijus. The four remaining Jaegers are redeployed to Hong Kong to defend the coast until the wall's completion. Jaeger commander Stacker Pentecost (Elba) devises a plan to end the war by destroying the portal with a thermonuclear bomb.
Pentecost approaches retired pilot Raleigh Becket (Hunnam) and convinces him to return and pilot Gipsy Danger, the Jaeger he and his brother Yancy once piloted. During a mission off the coast of Alaska in 2020, Yancy was killed by a Kaiju while connected to his brother, traumatizing Raleigh. In Hong Kong, Raleigh is antagonized by Chuck Hansen (Kazinsky), co-pilot of the Jaeger Striker Eureka, who sees Raleigh as unreliable. Later, Raleigh tests with potential co-pilots to find one with whom he connects strongly, which ensures effective performance in battle. Sensing a strong connection, Raleigh demands to be partnered with Mako Mori (Kikuchi), the director of the Jaeger refurbishment project. Pentecost opposes, Mako being his adoptive daughter, but he eventually relents. During the duo's initial test run, Mako becomes engrossed in a childhood memory of the Kaiju attack which orphaned her, and nearly discharges Gipsy Danger's weapons in the hangar; Pentecost deems her unready for combat. Later, the other Jaegers are tasked with fending off a double Kaiju attack in Hong Kong. When the Kaijus destroy two Jaegers and disable Striker Eureka, Pentecost sends out Raleigh and Mako to take a last stand with Gipsy Danger.
Meanwhile, Newton Geiszler (Day)—a scientist studying the Kaijus—assembles a device that allows him to establish a mental link with a Kaiju brain fragment. He discovers that the Kaijus are not wild beasts but living weapons sharing a hive mind and fighting at the behest of a race of alien colonists. Under Pentecost's instruction, Geiszler seeks out Hannibal Chau (Perlman), a major figure in the trafficking of Kaiju parts, and attempts to procure an intact Kaiju brain to repeat the experiment. After Gipsy Danger kills both Kaijus, Chau's crew move in to harvest parts, but discover one Kaiju to be pregnant. The newborn bursts from its mother and swallows Chau before dying. Geiszler links with the newborn Kaiju's brain, and learns that the reason all previous attempts to infiltrate and destroy the portal have failed is that the portal only opens for Kaiju DNA.
The two remaining Jaegers commence the plan to destroy the portal; Pentecost and Chuck carry the bomb with Striker Eureka, escorted by Raleigh and Mako in Gipsy Danger. They find the portal guarded by three Kaijus. The ensuing battle renders Striker Eureka unable to deliver the bomb. Pentecost instructs Raleigh to use Gipsy Danger's nuclear reactor core as an improvised bomb; he and Chuck sacrifice themselves, detonating the original bomb in an effort to clear a path. Considering Geiszler's discovery, Raleigh and Mako seize the final Kaiju with Gipsy Danger and use it to enter the portal. Once inside, Raleigh ejects Mako's escape pod, initiates the core's overload sequence and ejects himself. Gipsy Danger's core detonates, laying waste to the alien colonists and destroying the portal. Mako and Raleigh's escape pods surface safely in the Pacific, and the duo embrace as rescue helicopters arrive.
In a post-credits scene, Chau cuts his way out of the newborn Kaiju's stomach.

END MAJOR SPOILERS

Yeah yeah, so I'm lazy. I would try summarizing it if my finger wasn't cut at the moment.
So, that was Pacific Rim. And I need to mention one huge, gaping plothole before I go.
SWORD.
There's this one scene where they're fighting some Kaiju and run out of plasma ammunition. Raleigh's like "We're doomed" but Mako's like "Na-ah, we got a sword" and they pull that sucker out and slice the Kaiju to bits, easily.

Well first of all, DEUS EX MACHINAAAAAA. Second, WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN USING THIS WEAPON THE WHOLE TIME. IT WOULD BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER IF YOU HAD. Even HISHE (How It Should Have Ended) poked fun at this hole.
Why, movie? Why you do this? You've been having grand slugfests with the aliens all this time, but oh no, turns out their weakness was sharp pointy things! Who knew? Daaah.

Other than that, I'd say it was good. Not spectacular. But good. The visuals were impressive and the idea was cool, but that was balanced out by a profuse amount of swearing and a rather clichéd feel to the entire thing. If you'd like to see it, bully for you.

Stupid sword why the for the love of Mary did they not  use it earlier dim-witted idiots it would have made everything so...

Reaper's Safety Session: Media

Greetings!

Today, we'll be talking about safety, that all-important standard that we need to keep this world in overpopulation.

Subject? *big creepy voice* MEDIA.

Millions - no, billions of people every day are sucked into the mindless black hole that is modern media. Laptops, computers, smartphones, TV, radio, you name it. These mediums suck the poor souls of the masses away slowly, feeding off of them every day and just getting bigger, sleeker, and better at degenerating the mob.

Here's a few tips for dealing with these slippery systems:

1. Got a smart-phone? No problem! Give it to a homeless man and get yourself a dumb-phone. If your great-grandfather could make it as far as Kroger with one, so can you.

2. Problems with staring at Facebook/Twitter for hours, scrolling down the walls of uninteresting text? No problem! Delete your Facebook/Twitter account and go to Myspace, no one will bother you there!

3. Watch TV too much? Get a plan that only feeds you CNN, you'll get bored in three minutes flat.

4. Internet too addicting? Come live with me, our internet sucks!

5. Too many video games? Get rid of all of them, buy Duty Calls and force yourself to play it one hour a day for a year. Then write a three-page essay on 'Why video games suck', in full MLA format. And cite your sources, you lazy layabout.

6. Addicted to the radio? You've got problems. Nobody's addicted to the radio.

Go forth! Fly! Be free! Poor, flightless bird! Hasta la vista, birdie!!

Yes, FINALLY.

Well, I'm 16 as of 7:20 a.m. today.

Hmm.

Feels normal.

I was talking to a close friend at church, and he asked "So what's it like being 16?"
Aw, you know how it is. I was expecting to be awakened by a bolt of lightning and find myself walking out the front door in a tux, buff and with keys to a Porsche dangling from my fingers. But instead I woke to messy hair, bleary vision, and yawns galore. (Why did I yawn when I typed 'yawns' Awhmm...there it is again. Shut it, mouth)

Yes, I'm finally 16. At least people will stop staring at me with their mouths hanging open, saying with disbelief "You're fifteen?" I mean, sixteen's a little more believable, right?
Right?

Hello?

The biggest age mistake I've ever had happen to me was in Romania by one of my cousins. Sergiu told her I was fifteen and she stared at me for three full seconds, then was like "What?? I thought you were twenty-one or something!"
Aw, thanks. I wish. But nope, I'm stuck with a bunch of older people in school who can all drive and have jobs, while poor little me has to keep squeaking "Yeah! I got my permit, awww-hah!"
BUT NO MORE.

TODAY I BECOME A MAN.

Ahhhh! Someone save me! There's a dark, gloomy, scary thingy chasing after me with 'Responsibility' labeled across its chest! Heeeeeeeeelp!
Is it gone?

Okay, relax. I don't plan on being a complete failure. Promise. On my honor - wait, don't have that. On my holiness - oh, don't have that either.
What do I still have?
Ah got it! On my virginity I pledge to get a job, a degree, and be successful in life.

Stop laughing. Childhood's different than virginity.

Signing off, ladies and gents. I need to go get my license.

Hop: Review

'Hop'.

Well, at least the cover and title match, I thought as I looked over the picture of a cute fluffy bunny surrounded by chickens. "Developed by the creators of 'Despicable Me'?" Huh. Flip. Colorful and full of laughs. Riiiight. I guess I'll give it a view. Probably'll bore me to pieces.

Boy was I kind of right and wrong at the same time.


SPOILERS ALERT

'Hop' is a movie about the Easter Bunny. Simple, right? Obviously a kids movie, you say. And you'd be right.

We start out with E.B., our main bunny who likes to play drums. His dad is one of a long line of Easter bunnies, charged with distributing easter baskets to kids on Easter eve. Kind of like Santa Claus, except less awesome, and with chicks instead of reindeer.
Chicks.
You heard right.

E.B. is destined to take over the business and become the next Easter Bunny, but all he wants to do is play drums. So after a short argument with his dad, he runs away to Hollywood to pursue his dreams.
Here we meet Fred, a lazy, layabout kid who has no job and lives with his parents. His mom, dad, and two sisters desperately want him to get a job and move out, so they kick him out. His sister gives him a temporary house-sitting job for a rich man who owns a huge mansion. E.B. just happens run into him...literally, and thus begins their relationship.

I won't spoil it all for you, because I believe you should actually watch it. But throughout the movie their unique relationship leads to a lot of awkward and funny moments, some of which I'll talk about later on.

So, how was it overall?
To be honest, I thought it was kind of average while I was viewing it. The jokes were okay, I was definitely smiling at most of them; but not really laughing. The plot was a kiddie plot, so of course it wasn't enthralling. The characters were okay.
BUT.
After I finished, I thought back over it, and I decided...this movie actually did several things very, very right.
First of all: the plot. It's stupid and kiddish, of course. There are so many clichéd moments I could barely count them. But in fact, this is where the movie does things so well. You know, you just know it when a cliché's coming up, savvy? You're like, "I know what's coming next. It's been done countless times before. Come on, movie, get it over with." But this movie would sometimes insert a little thing just before the cliché came up, and you'd be like 'wait, is this really going to be it?' It's like the movie is saying "Here it comes, boy, here it comes, here it comes WAIT....is it coming? Really? Really? REALLY? Yeah, it's here, you idiot." And that's a refreshing take on things, to be honest.

Second of all, the tone. This movie had millions of chances to take itself seriously, but it never really does. Sure there are a few heartfelt moments, but most of the movie is mock reality. The fact that we're talking about British-accented Easter Bunnies who poop jelly beans helps, I suppose.

Lastly, the characters. They're shallow, yes, but this is a kiddie movie. Considering that, they're actually well done. E.B. is very likeable and upbeat, and Fred is your typical bumbling yet handsome idiot. Perfect for partnership, right?

Final verdict: Borrow or rent. You can buy it, I guess...I can see myself watching it after seeing something like the Hunger Games, I suppose, as an antidepressant. But besides that, this movie deserves at least one watch. Check it out.

And for free, here's a scene from the movie. E.B. and Fred are in the car, and E.B. is suggesting jobs off of the local newspaper.
"Chaffuer?"
"No."
"Hairdryer?"
"Nope."
"Mailman?"
"Just tried that."
"Oooh, here's a good one. 'The wind in your face and a hot babe on your arm'. Sounds like the job for you, right?"
"That's a car ad."
"Oh. Well, then you need that car."

That's the gist of it, at least. See you later, ladies and gentlewomen.

Reaper's Safety Session: Knives

Greetings, you.

I am Reaper. I'm the other guy who lives in the head of that other guy who does all the other blog posts.
Psst: he's an idiot.
Today, we'll be talking about safety, that all-important standard that we need to keep this world in overpopulation.

Subject? Knives.
Pointy, itchy, sharpie, you name it. We've got a lot of that stuff. And here's a few safety tips for handling them.

1. These are tools, not toys. Mock combat is allowed, but not juggling. Juggling's definitely off limits.

2. Never use a knife in the vicinity of another person, including yourself.

3. When whittling or cutting anything, don't do so towards your body. You could accidentally slip and cut something that leaks a lot of blood, and cleaning up carpets costs a lot these days. Don't worry about yourself, Obamacare's to the rescue.

4. Going up against a gun with a knife is perfectly fair, if you can throw it. If not, just raise it dramatically and shout "Expelliarimus!"

5. The best kind of knives are the Daedric kind. They're a company that handles in unearthly products. You can look them up here.

And that's all we've got for tonight, folks! Play the boom boxes and guitars, Sayonara!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!

(Eh, Michael here. Just to let you know that I apologize for that incident, and I won't let him out again, that little sneaky...anyway, on a more realistic note, these type of posts will be a series, so look for them. I may even post one every day.)

Divergent

Hey ladies and gents you're back; with yours truly.


Divergent is what many people consider to be Hunger Games' sister series. It has many of the same elements, albeit different writers. But you wouldn't be here to read on the intricate comparisons between the two, you're here for my opinion, so sit down, savvy?

SPOILERS ALERT

Yes yes yada yada.

So, Divergent takes place in a 'utopia' community. It doesn't seem clear as to exactly what its environment is...is it one big city? A city and some land? I'm not sure.

Our main protagonist, Beatrice, is part of one of five factions that make up this society, those being Abnegation (whose members are selfless), Amity (wuv), Candor (truth), Dauntless (courage), and Erudite (knowledge).

Beatrice is in the faction known as Abnegation. She lives a spartan lifestyle until she turns sixteen; the age when every child is forced to choose between the factions. Will they stay with their family in the faction they grew up in, or leave to join another?
Every candidate is put through a simulation that forces them to make decisions, much like an aptitude test. Their responses to certain choices determine which factions they should most likely be in, and they then choose between those.
Beatrice takes the simulation, but a disturbing realization is found when she responds abnormally to the dilemmas presented; she's Divergent. Apparently being Divergen - oh, sorry, shouldn't speak that name out loud. It's dangerous, you see.

She ends up picking Dauntless, because...why not. The initiation process takes a while, during which she faces certain challenges and competes with other initiates to stay in the running. If you don't make the cut, you are thrown out to be factionless, and do dirty work like scrubbing the john.
In the end she does make the cut, and along the way falls in love with a mysterious instructor named Four. Must...resist...urge...(yes, I'll get to this guy later).
Anyway, she and Four uncover a plot by the Erudite to take over the government, which is primarily Abnegation (selfless, perfect for govt.). They plan to use the Dauntless to stage a coup.
In the end, they kill a bunch of people, a bunch of people die, and it all ends with them on a train kissing.

Must resist urge to make ASDF joke...

END MAJOR SPOILERS: MINOR SPOILERS ALERT

Alrighty. How was it overall?

Well, admittedly, I liked it. It wasn't as gripping as, say, the Beyonders series was, but I liked it nonetheless.
However.
There are a few problems.

Number one. This is more of a personal preference, but I really, really hate the viewpoint of this book, and the Hunger Games. First person present? Ugh. It's awkward. Perhaps that's simply because I'm not used to it, and I do admire Suzanne Collins and Veronica Roth for attempting to use this style, but it's just distasteful. It also feels like the book is screaming "HEY! I'M REAL BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT HERE WATCHING, YOU GHOSTLY MIND INVADER!" The past tense tends to feel better for communicating legitimacy, because it has the tone of "I'm real and historical, because I've already happened."

Secondly, Four. You guys have no idea how hard it is not to resort to French while describing this character. Really, Veronica Ruth? Oh yes, the boyfriend of your dreams should be silent, tragic, mysterious as the dark side of the moon, and not tell you anything until after a couple weeks! Yes, he's cool, but he's an overused cool. He reminds me of Gale, or Edward. A little better, but please, this archetype is just cool to the point of annoying. Because real-life people are not that cool.
Yes, I'm nitpicking. "Books aren't real life!" No, but they are meant to communicate a sense of reality. If you present unrealistic relationships like this, it lends to the unrealistic tone of your story. Again, though, it's fantasy. Ugh.

Last but not least, the appendixes. The book I read had all sorts of Q&A with the writer in the back, stuff about the factions, yada yada. In the acknowledgements she straight up says "Thank you, God, for your Son and for blessing me beyond comprehension." First sentence.
Oookay...I'm glad she professed Christianity, but the entire rest of the appendixes is a discussion and description of human psychology, which is not Biblical. And there is almost no reference to God or the Bible after that. I'm not one to call someone else's testimony, but she doesn't seem to be doing a great job at being a light...

END SPOILERS

Overall, how was it?

Pretty good. The dialogue was funny, witty, and flowed well. The characters...eh, I didn't really care for most of them. They could have been better developed. The plot was well done, though perhaps a little stilted at times.

And I could have done without the love story. The sopping love story. Oh please. No more. My eyes. They hurt. Ouch.

Monsters University

What's up ladies and gentlemen, you're back with the one and only.

Today, I watched the movie that got a lot of hype during its release; Monsters University, the sequel to Monsters Inc. Was it good? Was it bad? Venture forth and see.

SPOLIERS ALERT:

This may surprise many of you, but I haven't actually seen Monsters Inc. Now, before you nerds throw the lawbook of movie-watching at my head yelling 'Order! Order!', let me justify myself. Monsters University actually takes place chronologically before Monsters Inc. So even if you do watch them out of order, you aren't missing too much. This is the advantage of making movie series like this.

As well as the fact that...well, my mom had a coupon for Redbox, and this was what she got stuck with, so...*dodge book* hey, you take what you can get.

So, the plot. We start out with Mike Wazowski, a little green ball on arms and legs. He has one eye in his...forehead? And a mouth under that. Absolutely adorable. Don't believe me?

 

 

Aww, cute.

Cute monsters.

Logic.

 

Anyway, Mike's dream is to be a full-time scarer. Scarers go into the human world, scare sleeping little children, and collect their screams of horror to power Monsterland.

...interesting idea, I suppose. Anyway, Mike applies to Monsters University (MU) to major in scaring. He manages to get all the knowledge down perfect, but something's missing...oh yeah, he's not scary.

To prove he is scary, he signs up for the Scaring Contest, which pits several teams of monsters from MU to see who is the scariest. Tagging along with him is James P. Sullivan, the son of one of the greatest scarers of all time. Sullivan is a jerk and a layabout, but eventually becomes friends with Mike and tries to help him realize his dream.

 

Through the movie their team - which is a bunch of not scary monsters - proves again and again that they can be scary. Eventually they win the contest. It's a very unclimactic moment. Apparently Mike just...finds it within himself to be scary. The end. You can all go home now, folks.

 

BUT WAIT! PLOT TWIST!!

So apparently Sullivan cheated! In order to save Mike's pride, he rigs the final test so that Mikey'll win! However, Mike finds out and is crushed that, indeed, he's not really scary.

 

Yes. Mikey then, to prove once and for all that he is scary, sneaks into the human world (RED LIGHT, RED LIGHT) and tries to scare the living number 2 out of a bunch of little girls, who instead try...to...cuddle him.
Did I mention this?

Sullivan goes after him, but the door is locked behind them - how to get it open? They then figure out a plan to open the door from their side, they go back to MU and are promptly expelled. However, they end up finding jobs at Monsters, Inc., which ends the movie...and lays the groundwork for the next.

END SPOILERS

Overall, how was it?

I have to say, while rated G, it certainly had its iffy moments. There is a joke or three that doesn't quite seem appropriate, and an old feller does break a substitute swear word once or twice.
Those points aside, though, it was a fairly well-rounded film.

Was it cheesy? Yes. Was it kiddie? Yes. Can adults watch it? Sure. It's what you'd expect from a more tame Pixar film. It's not Toy Story, but nevertheless it has its own playful appeal. By no means is it exceptional, but it is certainly worth your time.
In the end, I'd say renting/borrowing it would probably be your best bet. If you like it enough to buy it, I won't burn you. It's a feel-good movie.

With that, I'm gone. Sayonara, Ladies Gents and Others.



The Hunger Games

Yeah guys, I know, it's been awhile since I unloaded into something, hasn't it? Let me introduce you to the shining pile of....bleeeh that's been all the rage over the past year or so: The Hunger Games.

When the movie first came out, it got massive hype and fanstuffs. I heard a lot about it before I first read the book, which believe it or not was on a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. My host Dominican family had an English copy of the Hunger Games lyin' around, so...why not.
On the way back from the missions trip, I watched the movie. By the way, did I mention that Delta earphones suck? I had to squash my hand against my one earbud and plug my other ear and turn up the volume to two thousand so I could hear over the roar of the airplane. Not the best conditions to watch such a movie, I admit.

So...I suppose this is in order.

SPOILERS ALERT!! IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS THEN...
What do I care. Read on.


The Hunger Games is a story set in a conservative's nightmare, in a future/apocalyptic thingiemajigger USA where the government controls everything. Panem is a country split into 12 districts (pssst it's actually 13, but don't tell them). Katniss, our main protagonist, is a girlie whose dad is dead from a work accident and has to help her mom take care of Prim, her little sister. She lives in district 12.

So every year there is what's called a 'reaping', where several kids from each district are selected to participate in 'The Hunger Games', which is like a gladiator fight except in a simulated environment. It's complicated. Anyway, the reason this ceremony is held is to remind the districts of how Panem arose. In the collapse of North America, the districts fought against the Capitol and the Capitol won. And they installed the Hunger Games.

Long story short: Katniss's sister Prim is chosen in the reaping but to save her Katniss volunteers to go in her place - which is highly unusual. Peeta, the brawn in this book, is also chosen to go with her. They have this awesome guy Haymitch (who was a winner from district 12 in a past Hunger Games) tutor them....sorta, and they participate. It ends with both Katniss and Peeta winning, defying the Capitol's order to fight to the death and coming out alive. And that's the end of the first part of the series.

For the sake of my sanity we won't go into the rest of the story.

Why indeed do people love this so much? It's dark, strange, choppy, and has the most awkward romance I've ever read. Katniss likes Gale but likes Peeta too who likes her but Gale kinda likes her but doesn't and...doesn't so Katniss is like 'what' and Peeta is all like 'I wuv you' and it's not clear whether he really does love her or whether he's just playing her and Katniss is just confused about the whole mess. Derrrrrrrrp.

Horrible and confusing love story aside, what about the characters themselves?

Katniss, the main protagonist, is one of the strongest characters I know. She's strong, compassionate, kind and firm when she needs to be. She does break down once or twice, but hey, she's in a battle royale to the death. How can you not feel the pressure?
Peeta is, well, Peeta. He's strong, strange, and utterly unpredictable. Just the sort of guy that a girl would love....ugh, this reminds me of Twilight...
Haymitch is awesome. I don't care what you say about his vodka problem, he's just one of those guys who doesn't give a (insert proper French here) about what happens. At least, he appears to be. It turns out, as the series progresses, that he drinks to get away from his past - especially his past in the Hunger Games. It is revealed that he might have a spark of caring somewhere in that beer-obsessed brain.

The characters, overall, aren't that bad. Where I feel this story plunks, though, is the actual elements of the story itself.
Have you ever watched a gory movie and felt like puking afterwards? I'm not someone to flinch at disturbing pictures, but this movie nearly made me throw up.
The Hunger Games themselves is a gladiator duel between kids. For the pleasure of the masses. It is a truly sickening thing. The book and movie bring that out well, but I don't have a problem with that, I have a problem with why is it there in the first place.
You do not need such a drastic example of evil in a story. You do not need to, in a story, describe a rape scene in detail merely for the purpose of emphasis. In the same way, you don't need to add kids to arena fights to emphasize just how wrong arenas are. Evil is horrible. We know that. And we have plenty of real-life examples of evil. There's no need to bring this out.

That being said, there is also a pervading sense of gloom over the entire series. The books are depressing. The movie is depressing. The whole thing is just depressing. Wonderful, Suzanne Collins. Give me more! Make me more depressed! It's okay, I got some Prozac on hold!

Many people like this series nonetheless, and I understand why. I personally hate it. It's my policy to be wary and skeptical of something that receives a lot of acclaim from the world, and the Hunger Games is pretty high on that list. If you wish to disagree with me do so by email at deltalorincz@gmail.com. Not in the comment section.

Chow.

SUSMUN

Hey guys, wazzuuuuuup.
Wazzzzuuuuuuuup?

Haaaaaa?

I'M BACK! YEAH! Thank you, thank you. Sorry, I don't do autographs. Or hugs, because people are sick. But thanks, yes, yes, I love you all too. Now shut up and sit down, I have something to talk about, savvy? I'm not just writing this post because I'm tired, bored, and have nothing else to do. Of course not. I mean, that would....

Yes, I'm rambling, wait a second and let me spell out the title.

Southern United States Model United Nations, otherwise known as SUSMUN (suss - mun). It is what it sounds like. A mock UN meeting in the good ol' South. This one, specifically, was at the Hilton in Atlanta.

If you'd like the short version, it was a bunch of people in suits sitting around discussing issues yelling at each other and doing nothing significant. I was representing the Kingdom of Sweden, that jolly old nation in Europe that (fun fact) has a black market in strawberries, no joke.

"Hey you kids....wanna buy some strawberries?"

There were several committees, of which I was in SPECPOL (Special Political and Decolonization Committee). The main topic of discussion was "health and human rights in refugee camps", and believe you me when I say there ain't nowhere else in the world you can get as sick of the word refugee as you could there. I ended up wishing I was North Korea. Just nuke all the refugees, problem solved. Bing!

So let me elaborate on the schedule. We arrived at the Hilton on Friday around four o'clock. Checked in, visited a prep meeting, then set up in our rooms and headed to opening ceremonies. From there, we had dinner and then headed to our separate committees for our first session, which was a solid 3 and a half hours. It ended at eleven p.m. (Needless to say, I didn't get enough sleep). The next morning I woke up at seven, had an impromptu snackish breakfast and headed to session two, another 3 and a half hours. Then we had an hour and a half break for lunch. Then we had a SIX AND A HALF hour session, and then dinner for an hour and a half. Then another three-and-a-half hour session, again ending around eleven (but technically ten, since Daylight Savings Time). Sunday we again had an impromptu breakfast and then headed to our last three-and-a-half hour session, where we voted on the resolutions we had formulated over the weekend. Then we went to closing ceremonies, packed up and headed out.
I arrived at home, unpacked a little, and collapsed in bed at around three-thirty p.m., waking up today at about nine thirty a.m.

Did I mention I was a little tired?

I'll find a title later.

So, all, greetings.

Hello.

Let's see...what was this about again?
Oh, oh yeah, that.

So many of you already know that When Life Gives You Lemons, make lemonade. But of course, life gives you a lot of other junk too.
How about 'When Life Throws You A Curveball and It Smacks You In The Face?'
Well, my baseball coach (from the good ol' days when I...played baseball *sniff*) always would jump all over us when we got beaned (baseball jargon for being hit with the baseball). "Shake it off, shake it off!" He'd yell, doing his version of Gangnam Style before it existed...

Anyway, this phrase doesn't just apply to baseball. When you get hit by anything, be it a physical or emotional injury, the best thing to do is to "Shake it off, shake it off!" or else you run the risk of getting bogged down in depression.

I've always thought that the funny side of life is the best. Why mope around when there's so much stuff to laugh at? You don't even have to be creative; look around! Humanity (while depraved and sinful) is hilarious! The government is hysterical! The news is just hahahahahaha!!!!!
Laugh! EVERYBODY LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHHAAHAAAA!

Okay, all right, I'll calm down. I didn't really mean to sound like the Joker there. Really. Realleehee. Hee.

That being said, there's certainly times to be serious and stuff. Some things you just can't, won't, and shouldn't joke about. And I can be serious when I need to be.
But come on! You can't seriously be being serious all the time, seriously?
"Why so serious?"

Oh by the way, God has a sense of humor. So seeing the funny side ain't bad, as long as you aren't stepping into the no-zones of joking. Don't believe me? Here's a few words for ya:
-Platypus
-1 Cor. 1:27
-You
-Me
-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

Facebook

*Facedesk*
*Facewall*

You know, if I keep this up, I'll start looking like those expensive luxury cats.
Then again, cats are in style on the internet...

*Facewall*
*Facefloor*

On second thought, I think my face likes itself un-smushed.

So people, it's time for a little talk about social networking, AKA Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Earth, Moon, Mars, yeah.

When I take a shower, I am not going to talk about this because it is private and is not necessary for posting to a social network. Savvy? Now all you instagram hipsters can go back to the 80's, when people were stupid before it was cool. Go on, run! There's a bag of Cheetos, way way out there! Go get 'em!

Are they gone?

All right. Here's what not to post on Facebook. Post anything else and hallelujah, amen, you are dismissed. Thank you for existing.

1. Food
You may think that chocolate strawberry banana kiwi apple broccoli liver stone soup was heavenly. Good for you. Don't post something like that and get my mouth watering too. I'll just be disappointed when I find out I don't have anything near as awesome.

2. Selfies
Now selfies aren't that bad. Two thousand selfies, on the other hand, is an eensy bit extravagant. And for the record: good selfies are when you're looking into your camera and smiling. Bad selfies are when you're standing in front of your bathroom mirror holding your phone. You look like you're texting anyway and you certainly aren't looking at the camera lens. And clean up your bathroom, dude. No one wants to see that.

3. Vague posts
"Oh my goodness I will never forgive you. You wrecked my life. Have fun breaking people's hearts. I hate you."
Well. First of all, you're twelve. Second of all, what? Third of all, nobody cares.

4. Begging for attention
"Like for Naruto! Comment for Obama! Ignore for JB!"
All hail the king of Facebook, Justin Beiber.

5. Save the starving children in Africa
Or...any political people as well. "like if you hate people attacking the second amendment!" Well, I may not like people attacking the 2nd amendment, but I'm afraid that Obama will not buckle under the million likes your status is totally going to get. Nor will starving children in Africa be able to eat them. Life is cruel.

6. Deep
Cousins to the 'vague' posts. Say something blow-your-mind inspirational...except it didn't blow my mind, and I'm just annoyed you burned that many calories typing such a useless message. Plus, what?

7. Cultural annotations
"Cool story, bro" "YOLO" "Swag" "#hashtag". You know what? That comeback was so lame smokers be like 'yo, you need a joint, man'. YODO too, buddy. Swag is from heaven and will most definitely make you a CEO and produce money out of thin air. And keep that pointless tag in Pointless Land, not social media.

8. Exercise
This goes with 'do you even lift?' You know what, people? I'm so glad your exercise is fruitful. You obviously needed it. You can even post a 'before' and 'after' picture. But the last thing we want to hear is how you walked the Appalachian trail in thirty minutes, pausing to tour DC halfway up. It makes us feel like lazy idiots for being on Facebook. Way to help our self-esteem. Now go eat your pulsing meal with more than 90% vitamins and 5 carbs. Run off and do your five-hour jog. I need another bag of Doritos.


You know, I feel like there should be more than eight. There probably is. Now these are based on Facebook, but they apply to any social media network. Don't, I repeat, Do not post these, and I will love you forever, O person worthy of spending time on the internet.

Yolo.

You On Leaf, Obviously.

Thou Shalt Listen To These

If you're someone who likes listening to music a lot (meaning...if you're a teen), then no doubt you have your own favorite genres.
Oh hey, I said 'music'. And 'genres'. Obviously I am obligated to insert annoying prompt to visit recent post via this hyperlink - a;sldkfja;owiejfadfhurgbeaissss.


If you are any sort of civilized being at all, you know what a soundtrack is. And you've listened to some. And there are some absolutely stunning ones out there.
So now, I'm going to insert a bunch of youtube links to instrumentals that require watching/listening, and if you don't....
If....you don't......
Something.
Something bad.

Yeah.

 

Just...just...

Hallelujah. Amen. You are dismissed.

 

 

Oh, Hans Zimmer. Y U make such awesome music.

 

 

It's Epic, It's Dramatic, Ladies and Gentlemen...

It's Two Steps From Hell!

 

 

Yet again, an epic instrumental by TSFH

 

 

The music of the Batman series certainly has its own flavor...

this one is no different.

 

 

It would be madness not to have SOMETHING from Lotr on here -

so here you go.

 

 

This is...just...pirate-y. And awesome. Yeah.

 

 

And another TSFH. Can't get enough of these guys.

 

 

Perhaps not as heart-pounding as the previous -

but I genuinely appreciate the sad, soft tone this has.

 

 

 

Now, ladies and Gents, I hope you've taken the well-used time to listen to all of the above. There's more, but I don't want to be cutting into your schoolwork. So GET BACK TO SCHOOL. And get all these songs later.

Star Wars, MassiveMessup

Well, it's been awhile.

Here we are again. And this time I'm going to be pounding into dust one of my favorite franchises of all time: Star Wars, mainly episodes 1, 2, and 3.


But mostly episode 3.

It'd been a long time since I first watched this, and I vividly remember the first time I watched it. I nearly cried.
But that was only because I was mindlessly absorbing and accepting the information it was spitting at me, and so I couldn't process the errors happening in every. Single. Scene.

Let's get into it. --Spoilers Alert--

So, we start out with Anaki-wait, hold on. We start out with two planes in SPAAAACE flying into a huge battle.
Assuming I've never watched Star Wars before,
WHAT IS GOING ON???
WHOA! BATTLES! FIGHTING! EXPLOOOOSIONS! THIS IS THE DEEPEST START TO A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEEEEN!
Oh, okay. So these guys called 'Anakin' and 'Obi-Wan' are flying to try and rescue Chancellor...why? What happened? Where are they, anyway?

Right, this isn't working. If you haven't watched Star Wars before, then you need to start at the beginning. Moving on.

So Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi rescue Chancellor Palpatine from General Grevious (because he was kidnapped in the most daring exploit of the Separatists ever. I got that from a book, they don't explain that in the movie; also, General Grevious is the commander of the Seperatist army. They don't explain that in the movie either).
They rescue him and in the process kill Count Dooku, whom you'd know if you watched episode 2. The fight is stupid, short, and not very complicated. I could have choreographed it better. No joke. In the book, it's very complex and interesting. It ends up with Anakin chopping his head off, Obi-Wan getting knocked unconscious, and them trying to escape General Grevious's ship. The ship is damaged from the battle, and starts plummeting towards Coruscant below. Anakin manages to land the thing (which is supposed to be impossible, but they don't mention that in the movie; in the book, it's treated as a very skillful act) and tadaa, they're safe.
Follow a long sequence of cuts between Yoda on Kashyyyk, Obi-Wan fighting Grevious on Utapau, and Anakin talking us to death on Coruscant.
The movie culminates in the epic battles between Yoda and Darth Sidious on Coruscant, and Obi-Wan and Anakin on Mustafar. Anakin is bad, Jedi are annihilated, Empire is formed, Padme dies, yada yada episode 4.

--End Spoilers--

So what's wrong with this movie? Mainly, the problem is that they don't explain things. Even if you're a Star Wars fan, you need to have considerable background knowledge to know just what is going on. I do happen to have that knowledge, so I could enjoy the movie to its fullest extent.

But beside that, it's just badly written. The dialogue is what I like to call 'deeeerrrrp' - where characters say things were you just can't help but yell "Thanks, Captain Obvious!"
The characters are fairly one-dimensional, save for perhaps Obi-Wan...perhaps. Again, though, they're only one-dimensional if you're just looking at the movie, and haven't read the books or happen to know JUST WHAT IS GOING ON.

The plot....is also not great. It could work, if episodes 4-6 weren't already written; but they are, so episodes 1-3 have to set the scene. They do, but not ideally.
Again, I have to say, if you haven't read the books, and don't know backstories and whatnot, then you're in the dark. The movies won't make sense otherwise.

Thank heavens for fanfiction.

And please, Disney, don't mess it up.

The Root of All Weevils

Money is time, time is money. Therefore time=money, correct?

Time's kind of precious.

There's also something called 'waste not, want not'.

Guess who isn't doing either?
AMERICA!

Yeah, you all are probably sick of how many literary missiles I've fired at our government. Ha ha, here's another one. The debt ceiling.

Look up. You see that star, way way out there? No, not that one, the one that's further than that one. Yeah, that.
Multiply that by a billion.
And again.
Aaand one more time for good measure.

If you took America's debt, transmuted it into pennies, and stacked those pennies one after the other into the sky...
You see where I'm going with this?
Of course you don't, I'm already way too far away. Say hi from the Hapan cluster, will ya?

Let's, hmm, apply some common sense here. If you owe someone money, are you going to keep borrowing from them at a higher rate than you're paying the money back?
"Derrrr, this ers 'Murica dude, that'sh what we do."

If I had to choose between crushing debt or a somewhat average - below average style of living, guess where I'm standing.
Waaaaaaay up there in the stars, because 'Murica! Duuurrrrrrrrrrr.

113 Questions Quiz

For those of you who want to know more about your host, I decided to do a 113 questions quiz. Here you go.

113 Questions:

1. Let's start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Didn't you hear? Confused is the new hip.
   
   
2. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Texting? What's that?
   
   
3. If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? She wouldn't exist, actually.
   
   
4. Do you find it easy to trust others? Of course not. Don't you live here too?
   
   
5. What were you doing at 11PM last night? I'm sure it was something relevant to life.
   
   
6. You're drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? I'm drunk? That's new. Oh, and I'm drunk, pal. Who do you think is walking down the road with me? Mario?
   
   
7. What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Well, folks, I'm packing a .22 caliber pellet rifle, you decide...
   
   
8. Were you close with your dad? Uh, hold on. Hey, dad, were we close? Sure.
   
   
9. I bet you kissed someone last night, right? Let's play a game.
   
   
10. What are you listening to? Two Steps From Hell, baby.
    
    
11. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life – what is it? Seeing as this'll be a rather short life, I'll pick blood. B positive, please.
    
    
12. What time do you go to bed? WHEN IT SUITS ME, STALKER!
    
    
13. Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Yeah, my significant other. She doesn't exist, which tends to make things a little difficult.
    
    
14. Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? What's texting?
    
    
15. Do you always answer your texts? English, buddy. Do you speak it?
    
    
16. Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Of course not. Give the ground a break.
    
    
17. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? You know, this is starting to get a little uncomfortable...
    
    
18. Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Sure. He's called Mr. Mirror.
    
    
19. What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? My mind is off limits, creeper.
    
    
20. Is anyone else in the room with you? Haha, erm...DIE, FOUL MINION OF SAURON!! Nope.
    
    
21. Do you believe what goes around comes around? English, stalker. Do you speak it?
    
    
22. Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Obviously. I'm taking this stupid quiz.
    
    
23. Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Yeah, Smith. Poor guy is used for all sorts of imaginary situations which end badly.
    
    
24. In the past week, have you cried? Who do you think you're talking to? No.
    
    
25. What color is the shirt you are wearing? Black.
    
    
26. Do people ever call you by your last name? Yeah, I go to Civil Air Patrol. Everybody's called by their last name there.
    
    
27. Is anyone ignoring you right now? The devil.
    
    
28. Do you have a best friend? I don't know, ask him.
    
    
29. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Haha, you're too funny.
    
    
30. Who was your last call from? The library, telling me I have overdue books.
    
    
31. Are you mad at anyone? Adam and Eve, for messing up and this quiz being made as a result.
    
    
32. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? There it is again, 'kiss'. You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    
    
33. How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? I'm two thousand and one years old, how could I remember.
    
    
34. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes. You know how some European greet each other with a kiss on both cheeks?
    
    
35. Do you have any summer plans yet? THE FUTURE, thou creeper. DO YOU PREDICT IT?
    
    
36. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Sure.
    
    
37. Are you keeping anything from your best friends now? I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you.
    
    
38. Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone? Yeah, huddle close! I'm conservative!
    
    
39. How many more days until your birthday? It's November 17. You do the math, genius.
    
    
40. Do you think age matters in relationships? Hey, just what are you trying to pull here?
    
    
41. Are you available? You're the stalker, you tell me.
    
    
42. How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? I'm a senior. Very funny.
    
    
43. If you had to get a piercing, what would you get? Oh, right through the heart, please. I don't think I could stand being a walking pincushion.
    
    
44. Do you believe exes can be friends? Ex? You mean ax? Yeah, I love mine.
    
    
45. Do you regret anything? Yeah, taking this quiz.
    
    
46. Honestly, what's on your mind right now? Premeditated murder. Of you. And you asked.
    
    
47. Did you ever lose a best friend? Once, but the Walmart dude was pretty nice and helpful in finding him again.
    
    
48. Was your last kiss a mistake? How do you know it'll be my last?
    
    
49. Why aren't you pursuing the person you like? I see an assumption in here somewhere.
    
    
50. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? ENGLISH, bud. DO YOU READ IT.
    
    
51. Do you still talk with the person you last kissed? You are an invasive government agent, you know that?
    
    
52. What was the last thing you ate? HAHAHAHA, wouldn't you like to know.
    
    
53. Did you get any compliments today? Oooh, so you're a psychologist. That explains everything.
    
    
54. Where are you going on your next vacation? I ain't tellin' the likes of you.
    
    
55. Do you own anything from other countries? I have a machete from the Dominican Republic.
    
    
56. Are most of your friends guys or girls? This question is against my religious beliefs, and I reserve the right not to answer it.
    
    
57. Where have you lived most of your life? Planet earth, genius.
    
    
58. When was the last time you took a long drive? Thankfully, in the past.
    
    
59. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Have you ever played Russian Roulette?
    
    
60. Have you ever TP'd someone's house? No, I have yet to legally try that one.
    
    
61. Who do you text the most? Haha.
    
    
62. What was the last movie you saw? I can't remember.
    
    
63. What's preventing your current girlfriend from going back to their ex? No girlfriend means no ex. Problem solved.
    
    
64. How many girlfriends did you have in 2010? This cracks me up.
    
    
65. Is the last person you kissed younger than you? Hmm. How old is my laptop?
    
    
66. Do you curse around your parents? You...how dare you ask me that?
    
    
67. Are you happy with where you live? I live in Narnia. Guess.
    
    
68. Picture of yourself? Haha dream on, stalker.
    
    
69. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I'm not Mormon, bro.
    
    
70. Have you ever been dumped? Oh, almost. It was terrifying. I only just managed to scramble out of the garbage can just in time.
    
    
71. What do you like most about making out? Haha, you're liberal aren't you?
    
    
72. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with? Definitely liberal.
    
    
73. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? You're still using that word. I donnae think it means what you think it means.
    
    
74. What part of a person's body do you find most attractive? How about adding 'public schooler' to that list.
    
    
75. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to sleep? Reaper.
    
    
76. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Well, since you mentioned cheesy, I'd have to say pizza.
    
    
77. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? You're far too vague. Who do you think I am, Sherlock?
    
    
78. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Maybe.
    
    
79. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Well, the doctors tend to know. X-ray and all that.
    
    
80. Do you miss your last sweetie? Oh, yes. It only lasted about two minutes before I was down to the tootsie roll.
    
    
81. Last time you slow danced with someone? I don't dance. I fly.
    
    
82. Have you ever 'dated' someone you've never met? Oh, let's add 'socially awkward' to this list, mister stalker.
    
    
83. How can I win your heart? What are your chances of winning the powerball? Divide that by a trillion, then multiply it by zero, genius.
    
    
84. What is your astrological sign? The Grim Reaper.
    
    
85. What were you doing last night at 12 pm? Sleeping.
    
    
86. Do you cook? I'm a guy, Sherlock. Make me a sandwich.
    
    
87. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? No, because it tends to give me first-degree burns. And I type, people. I need my fingers.
    
    
88. If you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Go away.
    
    
89. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships very quickly? Let me add 'matchmaker' to this growing list.
    
    
90. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? You'd better not be over 200 pounds sterling.
    
    
91. Name four things you wish you had: Perfection, a pistol, the Force, and a Macbook Pro.
    
    
92. Are you a player? Let me add 'gramatically imprecise' to this list.
    
    
93. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? There it is again...
    
    
94. Are you a tease? 'Extremely gramatically imprecise'.
    
    
95. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Ha, what's that?
    
    
96. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Probably, yes.
    
    
97. Anybody on Tumblr that you'd go on a date with? ENGLISH, creeper. DO YOU READ IT.
    
    
98. Hugs or kisses? Handshakes.
    
    
99. Are you too shy to ask someone out? I haven't tried. Don't push me.

100. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? AAAAH! COOTIES!

101. Is it cute when a girl calls you babe? It's one word away from 'baby'. And I hate Justin Beiber.

102. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was in a relationship, would you go for it? Let me add, 'mentally disturbed' as well.

103. Do you flirt a lot? I don't know, ask the girls I talk with.

104. Your last kiss? You ask a lot of this stuff.

105. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011? There it is again.

106. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? Sigh.

107. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? My future spouse.

108. Do you know who you'll kiss next? 'Single-minded'

109. Does someone like you currently? 'Empty-headed flirt'

110. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? I'm not a contractor, if that's what you mean.

111. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? YAY, 111! OH BEAUTIFUL SYMMETRY!

112. Ever made out with just a friend? You disgust me, person.

113. Are you happier single or in a relationship? Let's tally this up here. Liberal, public schooled, socially awkward, matchmaker, single-minded, empty-headed flirt, and last but not least, complete and utter twat.

And I'm not answering that.