World War Z: Review

Hey guys,

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. Apologies. One's writing urge just dries up sometimes.
But I have a new topic, yes yes: I just watched the blockbuster movie 'World War Z', one of the only movies about zombies America's had in a long time (yeah, I do know about 'The Walking Dead', but that's a TV show, not a movie. Does nae count). Quick tip; don't watch this movie just before going to bed.

SPOILERS ALERT
I really am not sure I can summarize this adequately, so here's the Wikipedia summary of the film.

Former UN investigator Gerry Lane, his wife Karin and their two daughters are in Philadelphia when the city is attacked by zombies. Everyone bitten by a zombie quickly becomes one as well. As chaos spreads, the Lanes take refuge in the apartment of a couple and their young son, Tommy. UN Deputy Secretary-General Thierry Umutoni—an old friend of Gerry's—sends a helicopter that transports the Lanes and Tommy to a U.S. Navy vessel in the Atlantic Ocean, where scientists and military personnel are analyzing the worldwide outbreaks. Dr. Andrew Fassbach posits that the plague is a virus, and that development of a vaccine depends on finding the origin. Gerry reluctantly agrees to accompany Fassbach to the site of the earliest known outbreak after it is made clear that he and his family will be removed from the ship if he does not.

Gerry and Fassbach fly to Camp Humphreys, a military base in South Korea, where they are attacked by zombies. Running back into the aircraft, Fassbach slips, falls and accidentally discharges his gun, killing himself. After being rescued by the base's surviving personnel, led by Captain Speke, Gerry learns that the infection was introduced to the base by its doctor, who was ultimately incinerated by a soldier with a lame leg whom the infected ignored. A former CIA operative imprisoned at the base tells Gerry to go toJerusalem and talk to someone named Jurgen Warmbrunn. The zombies are attracted to sound, so Gerry and his team quietly bike back to their aircraft. Karin phones Gerry at the wrong time, however, causing zombies to attack. Infected, Captain Speke commits suicide. Gerry and the pilot escape.

In Jerusalem, Gerry meets Jurgen Warmbrunn, who explains that months earlier, he had taken seriously an intercepted message that Indian troops were fighting the rakshasa ("undead"). As a result, the Israelis reacted more quickly to the danger than anyone else. The city itself is enclosed by very high walls and heavily guarded. Survivors are carefully let in, but loud celebratory singing by some of them incites the zombies to climb over each other at the wall, eventually scaling it and entering the city. Jurgen orders some Israeli soldiers to escort Gerry back to his plane. On the way, Gerry notices zombies ignoring a sick old man and an emaciated boy. One of Gerry's escorts, a soldier who identifies herself only by her rank, Segen, is bitten on the hand. Gerry quickly amputates it to stop her from turning into a zombie. Discovering that his plane had already left, Gerry and Segen escape on a commercial airliner as Jerusalem is overrun.

Gerry tells the pilot to head to the nearest World Health Organization (WHO) facility, which happens to be in Wales. He telephones Thierry to persuade the pilot. When a stowaway zombie is inadvertently allowed into the cabin in mid-air, Gerry uses a grenade to blow open a hole in the side of the airplane; the infected are sucked out, but the plane crashes. Gerry is injured, but both he and Segen survive. They proceed to the WHO facility, where Gerry loses consciousness for three days. When he awakens, he explains to the remaining staff his theory, based on his observations: the zombies ignore the seriously injured or terminally ill, since they would be unsuitable hosts. If they can infect people with a deadly but curable disease, they would be safe. Unfortunately, the facility's pathogens are in a wing overrun by the zombies. Gerry, Segen and the lead WHO doctor quietly sneak in, but make a noise. Chased, they become separated. Segen and the doctor return to safety, while Gerry reaches the pathogen vault. A zombie arrives outside the only entrance, forcing him to inject himself. After waiting a while for the disease to take effect, he opens the door. The zombie enters the vault but, sensing his infection, does not attack. Neither do the others he encounters while returning to the main wing where he is given a cure for the disease.

Gerry and his family are reunited in a safe zone at Freeport, Nova Scotia. A "vaccine" is developed and issued to troops battling the infected. It is also parachuted to other survivors. There is hope, though Gerry admits that the war is not over.

END SPOILERS

So...that was that, essentially. What did I think?

Well, overall it was a pretty good movie. They got the atmosphere...dark, scary, panicked...right-on. I told you earlier don't watch it just before you go to bed; I did, and went to sleep with my gun propped up against the wall next to me and a combat knife close to hand.

The dialogue was solid, the special effects well-done, and the plot fairly interesting. I really don't know what's wrong with this movie...it's a good movie...

Oh. That's it!

It's just a really good movie. It's not spectacular. It didn't really go out on a limb, or anything. The climax was...eh...not as climax-ish as you might expect. Don't get me wrong, it certainly is a climax...just not a super big one. The movie is solid, the acting is great, it's just not blow-off-your-socks awesome. I guess that's really it.

I fully recommend the movie...it's a good watch. Just don't watch it just before you go to bed...

Sayonara!

Winter Camp 2014

Salutations, people.

Every year in January or February, my church youth group goes to a winter camp. This camp, as long as I've gone or have known of it, has gone to Woodlands, which is in North Georgia. I'll give you a little run-down of what happened.

On Friday Jan. 17, one o'clock p.m. (or a little thereafter), a bunch of youth piled in three or four cars for a long drive up north. If I'm honest with myself, the drive there and back is one of my most favorite parts of camp. Such memories abide in these long hours. We got there and unpacked that evening, then went to dinner - some people going to Wendy's to brave pre-iron gut, others wimping out and fleeing to Zaxby's instead. I was, of course, with the Wendy's crowd.

For those of you who don't know, pre-iron gut is basically preparation for iron gut, a horrible game where our youth leaders go to the store or restaurant, buy random articles of food, and mix it all up in two blenders. Then two teams of youth attempt to drain the blender to the dregs, and whoever can chug through the valley of unhealthy mix first wins the 'Guts & Glory Award', which is basically a slap on the back to help cough up what you just consumed and infamy for the next year or so. And a piece of paper that says you did it.

We had a special speaker, Wade Grubbs, with us for the weekend; he blazed through the book of Ecclesiastes, the main point being "live life in light of judgement". I'll be honest: I now see Ecclesiastes through different glasses. I never knew it could be as encouraging as it was.

I'll hit on the main highlights of the camp. Of course, the sessions were a given. Loved them. Loved every last minute of them.
When we weren't in the Word, however, most of our (and by 'our' I mean 'my') time was spent up in the game room, which housed three ping-pong tables, two foosball tables, and two air hockey tables. I was usually on the foosball tables, but I did my fair share of ping pong and air hockey. Saturday night, there was a massive tournament, and you could pick which of the three sports you could compete in. I participated in all three, and made it to about fifth place in foosball and ping pong. I failed miserably at air hockey (not surprising).

Another great event was paintball. Who doesn't like paintball? (Aside from girly girls, I understand that.) All those who signed up went in two shifts, one early and one late. Most of the new kids in the youth group went the early shift - I refrained from my urge to dominate them, instead opting for the late shift, which held most of the YG paintball veterans. Boy, did we have a blast (eeeeh? Get it?). I was chosen as team captain of the Red Team, opposed to our youth pastor who captained the Blue Team. We played capture the flag and team deathmatch, coming out of the shift with a one-one tie. And, of course, more on us than when we began (I was hit in the head, elbow, lower back, and front and back of the shoulder, not to mention getting paint splattered all over my mask visor from near-misses).

The camp we went to also offered a fairly long and awesome zipline (it was probably 1000+ feet long), a bungee, a climbing wall, and kayaking/canoeing out on its lake. I rode the zipline a few times and climbed the wall two or three times, but refrained from doing the bungee. I did do some canoeing, though. Ever tried paddling a canoe with one hand? I have...it kills the arm, man.

Last, but not least, the infamous Iron gut competition arrived on Sunday morning. Eight brave and stupid competitors lined up, four a team, to savor the sewage that is Iron gut. This year it was themed 'McDonald's breakfast'. It was comprised of such things as orange juice, sausage egg & cheese biscuit, coffee creamer, vanilla ice cream, hushpuppies, and a couple other things I probably conveniently forgot. Eight trudged in, and four emerged victorious, with stomach aches and aftertastes to boot. I slapped Bobby, the guy who was pretty much an Iron gut legend, on the back afterwards (he was on the winning team, of course), saying "Wanna go out for lunch? I've got a few places in mind..."

(Never done Iron gut, never will.)

And Sunday afternoon, we all piled in for the ride home. While I'll miss and remember with fondness the memories made this winter camp, I'll always be looking forward to the next one.
Sayonara!

Mirror, Mirror: Review

There are quite a few Snow White knockoffs out there, if you look. You don't have to, but if you do, there are, as I said, quite a few.

Well, here's one of them. I have to admit, the blaring 'Julia Roberts!' across the top of the DVD cover didn't exactly excite my interest, as I don't waste time keeping up with celebrities. Neither do I watch Snow White films.

I mean...really! I don't. Swear. Pinky swear. This was an exception...

Okay, I've seen quite a few Snow White movies. Confession. But that does not mean I'm enamored with the story, because I'm not. Promise.

*twitch*

No, really, I'm not.

SPOILER ALERT

So we start out with the classic Snow White story, except this time the evil queen (played by Julia Roberts) is narrating. She says it's her story, but we can forget that obvious lie and move on.

I'm going to assume for education's sake you know the Snow White story, because it's a classic. I'm jumping right into the movie's plot...which is different.

Snow White is a timid little pretty young eighteen-year-old princess who lives in her room all day. The evil queen keeps her that way, and in the meantime plays...ship chess with her baron. Yeah. Ship chess. It looked pretty cool. I wanna play it...

Anyway, Snow finally gets it into her head to go see her kingdom (which, apparently, amounts to a castle, a small town, and a forest...yup). She goes out and is shocked at the poor state of the people, whose poverty is caused by the Queen's lavish living and taxes that help her pay it. None of the people know her, and she knows none of the people, 'cause she's a hopeless shut-in who does nothing.

In the process of wandering about, she stumbles on our Prince Charming, who happens to be played by the guy who was the protagonist in the recent Lone Ranger movie. 

Yes, him. Snow finds him and his traveling companion strung up by their toes, having been captured by bandits and ransacked for all their wordly goods. She sets them free, they exchange a little awkwardness, and then they part ways.

The prince, apparently, is headed out in search of 'adventure'. Lame. But, lo and behold, he stumbles across Snow's castle and is admitted by the evil queen, who likes his looks and money so much she decides she's going to marry him.

She throws a huge ball in hopes of impressing him. He is met in the ball by Snow White (who didn't know he was a prince) and they exchange some more awkwardness. The queen observes their exchange, however, and decides she wants Snow out of the way, permanently. So she orders her manservant to kill Snow.

The manservant takes her out to the woods, feels some compassion, and cuts her free to run away. She begins sprinting through the forest in a huge dress (how much flipping wind resistance does that have to have??), then taps her dainty little head against a rotten tree branch and faints. Did I mention she was a bit fragile...?

Luckily for her, said tree branch happens to be part of a huge beaver hut that was built by the seven dwarves. Dwarffes. Dwarvfs. Stupid autocorrect, I had it right the first time. They are all shocked she's not in the kitchen and have compassion on her, taking her in and having her make sandwiches for all.

Nah, not really. But she does cook for them.

Little does she know (for about five minutes), these dwarves are in fact the bandits that strung her prince up to dry. She finds out when the dwarves raid a carriage that was transporting taxes to the queen. Suffice it to say that after that, they give the taxes back to the people. Sort of.

When the news of the 'highway robbery' gets to the castle, the prince grinds his teeth at mention of the bandits and sets out with a company of guards to finish them. The dwarves, who have been training Snow White in combat, sally forth to meet them and once again strip them of their clothes and belongings, chasing them back to the castle. In the midst of their scuffle, the prince meets up with Snow again and fights her, exchanging some more awkwardness.

By the time he gets back, however, he is obviously enamored with Snow. The queen, not liking the fact that Snow is still alive - much less that the prince is in wuv with her - consults her magic mirror (which is actually a portal to another dimension that contains nothing but her little witch-hut in the middle of an ocean and her alternate personality...eh...necesita psychologist much?). She turns her manservant into a cockroach for his failed delivery of the taxes, tells her magical alternate personality to kill Snow (again) and gets a love potion to make the prince love her instead of Snow.

Unfortunately for her, this love potion turns out to be a 'puppy love' potion...however that works, and it makes the prince behave like an overly attached puppy to her. And I think her quote "There are pros and cons to this" sums that up quite well.

Meanwhile, Snow is attacked by magical marionettes, because...well, I guess that was the best way to kill her? She couldn't just be turned into a cockroach and then stomped? Eh...movie logic. The marionettes smash a bunch of stuff before Snow discovers their weakness...strings. Yeah. Just cut their strings and they're helpless. Dumbest...assassination attempt...ever.

They prepare to get married, but Snow hears about the wedding and takes her dwarves to go break the thing up. They steal the prince and leave the wedding guests in their underwear, making an interesting spectacle when the queen arrives and finds her bridegroom kidnapped and the wedding in disarray. She stomps off to go kill Snow herself.

Back at the dwarves' hideout, they try many ways to lift the spell on the prince. These 'ways' include ear-boxing, blowing a horn in his face, playing pool with his head, and plain good ol' fashioned slugging his face. With fists. Nothing seems to work, until one of the dwarves suggests 'love's first kiss', and tells Snow she can do it. Snow works herself up to finally do it (apparently it's her first kiss ever...I'd say bravo, but one: she's eighteen and unmarried, and two: she was shut up in a castle for ninety percent of her current life.), and she kisses the prince, lifting the spell on him. 

The queen then arrives. Apparently a mythical beast lives in part of the forest and terrorizes the kingdom (this was explained way back in the movie), but now it turns out the queen controls it and she sends it after Snow. The beast turns out to be her father under a spell (who vanished into the forest way back in the beginning of the movie), and Snow severs the magical link between him and the evil queen. Severing this link not only kills the beast, it also appears to age the queen, removing her beauty. Snow then marries the prince, and they all live happily ever after.

A few things to mention. Quite a few actors played/camioed in this movie, including Julia Roberts (duh), Sean Bean (who was the king...WHAT?), a very brief show of Johnny Depp, and that little dwarf from Pirates of the Caribbean. And a few others I can't stick names to. However, it's quite obvious they were only there for the trailer hook, nothing more. The movie has a B-rating.

They do have a throwback to the 'poisoned apple' from the original Snow White story. After being defeated and aged, the queen shows up disguised at Snow's wedding and offers her the apple as a wedding gift. However, her words give her away, and Snow doesn't take the bait, instead jabbing her with one of her own lines "You should know when you're beaten" that the queen said during the ship-chess game.

"You're a traitor!"

"You're a jerk!"

(The Prince and Snow White)

END SPOILERS

Despite its B-rating, I did actually somewhat enjoy this movie. It was an interesting quirk on the original Snow White tale. While not that well executed, the dialogue and characters are interesting enough. The plot is not that great, but its less-than-spectacularness is downplayed by the movie's pros. Animation, for the little CG there is, is fine; save for one scene where the painted background is blatantly obvious. 

The movie was light-hearted, obviously not taking itself seriously. Jokes are numerous and fairly executed.

Overall, I'd say this movie is a might-watch. It's hovering between meh and good, so...draw your own conclusions. I'd recommend getting it from the library, which is what we did.

And that, as they say, is that. Sayonara!