Here we are again. And this time I'm going to be pounding into dust one of my favorite franchises of all time: Star Wars, mainly episodes 1, 2, and 3.
But mostly episode 3.
It'd been a long time since I first watched this, and I vividly remember the first time I watched it. I nearly cried.
But that was only because I was mindlessly absorbing and accepting the information it was spitting at me, and so I couldn't process the errors happening in every. Single. Scene.
Let's get into it. --Spoilers Alert--
So, we start out with Anaki-wait, hold on. We start out with two planes in SPAAAACE flying into a huge battle.
Assuming I've never watched Star Wars before,
WHAT IS GOING ON???
WHOA! BATTLES! FIGHTING! EXPLOOOOSIONS! THIS IS THE DEEPEST START TO A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEEEEN!
Oh, okay. So these guys called 'Anakin' and 'Obi-Wan' are flying to try and rescue Chancellor...why? What happened? Where are they, anyway?
Right, this isn't working. If you haven't watched Star Wars before, then you need to start at the beginning. Moving on.
So Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi rescue Chancellor Palpatine from General Grevious (because he was kidnapped in the most daring exploit of the Separatists ever. I got that from a book, they don't explain that in the movie; also, General Grevious is the commander of the Seperatist army. They don't explain that in the movie either).
They rescue him and in the process kill Count Dooku, whom you'd know if you watched episode 2. The fight is stupid, short, and not very complicated. I could have choreographed it better. No joke. In the book, it's very complex and interesting. It ends up with Anakin chopping his head off, Obi-Wan getting knocked unconscious, and them trying to escape General Grevious's ship. The ship is damaged from the battle, and starts plummeting towards Coruscant below. Anakin manages to land the thing (which is supposed to be impossible, but they don't mention that in the movie; in the book, it's treated as a very skillful act) and tadaa, they're safe.
Follow a long sequence of cuts between Yoda on Kashyyyk, Obi-Wan fighting Grevious on Utapau, and Anakin talking us to death on Coruscant.
The movie culminates in the epic battles between Yoda and Darth Sidious on Coruscant, and Obi-Wan and Anakin on Mustafar. Anakin is bad, Jedi are annihilated, Empire is formed, Padme dies, yada yada episode 4.
--End Spoilers--
So what's wrong with this movie? Mainly, the problem is that they don't explain things. Even if you're a Star Wars fan, you need to have considerable background knowledge to know just what is going on. I do happen to have that knowledge, so I could enjoy the movie to its fullest extent.
But beside that, it's just badly written. The dialogue is what I like to call 'deeeerrrrp' - where characters say things were you just can't help but yell "Thanks, Captain Obvious!"
The characters are fairly one-dimensional, save for perhaps Obi-Wan...perhaps. Again, though, they're only one-dimensional if you're just looking at the movie, and haven't read the books or happen to know JUST WHAT IS GOING ON.
The plot....is also not great. It could work, if episodes 4-6 weren't already written; but they are, so episodes 1-3 have to set the scene. They do, but not ideally.
Again, I have to say, if you haven't read the books, and don't know backstories and whatnot, then you're in the dark. The movies won't make sense otherwise.
Thank heavens for fanfiction.
And please, Disney, don't mess it up.
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