So, have any of you heard of the abovementioned movie?
Probably not. It's not a widely known film. Spoilers will income, but it's probably not a movie you need watch, so whatever.
--SPOILERS ALERT--
So, about the plot. The movie is based in 1899, and starts out with, of all things, a tank robbing a bank in England. Well.
Let's just say that tanks weren't supposed to have been invented by then...I guess I can't penalize them for being bold. And they sure robbed that bank.
So, apparently this guy who calls himself the 'Phantom' wants to embroil the world in world war for...profit. In response to this terrorist, a British Secret Service agent named 'M' recruits several people with 'special talents' to combat this new threat. Among them are Alan Quartermain, a British legend: Skinner, an invisible man: Ali Baba and his forty thieves (I don't remember his name: just some Muslim pirate who has the gaudiest equipment I've seen in my life): Mina, a scientist who's also a vampire: Sawyer, an American spy: the Incredible Hulk (just with an elixir and no green): and Dorian Grey, an immortal.
They assemble and head off to Venice, in order to stop the dastardly Phantom from blowing the whole city up. They succeed, but it turns out that the Phantom is actually M: SHOCKER!!!! (No, really, it was unexpected...but only because I thought they'd have more imagination than that)
In the process of saving the city, it turns out that Dorian is a traitor, who was working for M 'The Phantom' the entire time. He escapes the League but is tracked by our ever-resourceful Ali Baba and his bubblemarine. I mean submarine. I mean...floating piece of furniture. They arrive at the Phantom's base and discover that M, in forming the League, obtained a sample of each of their abilities and is mass-producing them to sell to the warring nations. Thus, the big battle ensues, M and Dorian are killed, and the world is peaceful. For now.
Unfortunately, Quartermain is also killed in the boss-fight with M and is buried in Africa, where he was in the beginning of the movie. Thus it ends.
And...speaking of endings, this movie had one of the strangest I've ever seen. Imagine a witch-doctor dancing around a fire in the Great Plains. Storm clouds are rolling up, thunder is booming, he's yelling curses in Chinese, and the fire is going wacko. And then up roll the credits, like the movie's saying "Yup. Yeah. We're done. Go figure out what to do with your life."
--END MAJOR SPOILERS: MINOR SPOILERS ALERT--
Let me give a little backstory on the League themselves, from what I could gather.
-Quartermain was a very successful British agent, but he took his son on a mission once and he was killed, so Quartermain decided "I'm done with Queen and Country, let's go live in Africa". He is portrayed by the ever-charismatic Sean Connery, and was a pretty awesome guy.
-Skinner is a thief who stole an invisible formula from a scientist who originally held the 'invisible man' legend. He thought it would help him with his profession, but it turns out to be a pain, because to be completely invisible he has to walk around stark naked. You don't really have places to put stuff when you're in your birthday suit. At least, not many.
-Ali Bubbleface is a pirate who thinks he's not a pirate but is a pirate and in fact is more like a gentleman pirate. He's the terror of the high seas (weird I didn't learn about him in history class) and enjoys wearing and using extravagantly embroidered equipment. I didn't care for him, except for one epic scene at the end where he slices this guy into banana pieces.
-Mina is a scientist-vampire who originally teamed up with Van Helsing to kill Dracula. Weird way to connect to that story...but okay. She was turned into a vampire by Dracula himself. All in all she's kinda strange. Not really creepy. Just strange.
-Sawyer's a member of the American Secret Service. He's a hotshot with his guns and his mouth, and during the whole movie gives lines and action sequences where you just can't help but pump your fist in the air and say through a mouthful of potato chips " 'Murica!"
-Hulk -- because that's what he is -- is a poor researcher who happened upon an elixir that pretty much blows you up into a super-strong version of elephant man. He struggles with bipolarality and a disturbing addiction to the said elixir. I hated him.
-Dorian Grey is a smooth, suave immortal guy who is invincible. Like, literally, invincible. He can't die from age or bodily harm. The only way to kill him is to make him look at a portrait of himself that has aged instead of him, which undoes the whatchamacallit to release the thingamabob and triggers the gobbledygook. He's the seeming hero-who-turns-traitor in the end, finally being forced to look at his picture (and he could have just...closed his eyes instead of looking, but movie logic).
My favorite line in the movie had to be one of his when, in a fight scene, a soldier has just shot him full of holes. Dorain calmly walks up to him and stabs him with his cane sword. The soldier, in the throes of death, gurgles "What are you?" to which Dorian replies, deadpan, "I'm complicated."
--END SPOILERS--
Overall, the movie was plain average. It certainly wasn't anything special. The acting was fine, but the dialogue seemed a bit forced at times. The plot was sort of cheesy, with the extremely unoriginal and as a result unexpected plot twist in the middle. The characters were cool for their abilities, but I really didn't give anything about any of them. They were more used to move the plot along, instead of being interestingly developed.
While having its bad points, though, it had its good ones. The action was fun and interesting. The abilities of the different characters made for an interesting spectacle, and Skinner the invisible man could have made the movie, if he hadn't been cut out for a good twenty minutes out of ninety. There were a couple of pretty funny moments, and a few well done talking scenes, even given the flat dialogue present throughout.
As a final judgment, I'd say it's kind of a guilty pleasure. I enjoyed it - I really did. Even given its faults. I wouldn't rent it or buy it, though: if they have it at your local library, give it a try. It's good for a view.
And that's it. This is yours truly, signing off!
No comments:
Post a Comment