Greetings!
Today, we'll be talking about safety, that all-important standard that we need to keep this world in overpopulation.
Subject? *big creepy voice* MEDIA.
Millions - no, billions of people every day are sucked into the mindless black hole that is modern media. Laptops, computers, smartphones, TV, radio, you name it. These mediums suck the poor souls of the masses away slowly, feeding off of them every day and just getting bigger, sleeker, and better at degenerating the mob.
Here's a few tips for dealing with these slippery systems:
1. Got a smart-phone? No problem! Give it to a homeless man and get yourself a dumb-phone. If your great-grandfather could make it as far as Kroger with one, so can you.
2. Problems with staring at Facebook/Twitter for hours, scrolling down the walls of uninteresting text? No problem! Delete your Facebook/Twitter account and go to Myspace, no one will bother you there!
3. Watch TV too much? Get a plan that only feeds you CNN, you'll get bored in three minutes flat.
4. Internet too addicting? Come live with me, our internet sucks!
5. Too many video games? Get rid of all of them, buy Duty Calls and force yourself to play it one hour a day for a year. Then write a three-page essay on 'Why video games suck', in full MLA format. And cite your sources, you lazy layabout.
6. Addicted to the radio? You've got problems. Nobody's addicted to the radio.
Go forth! Fly! Be free! Poor, flightless bird! Hasta la vista, birdie!!
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